Your NFC Wildcard Playoff Game Open Thread

TO THE GAME!

Bears/Saints:

-The general consensus is that on-the-cusp of 42 years, Drew Brees will hang up his mole/birthmark for good after he loses. That won’t be happening today.

-Despite being benched Truth Biscuit actually has a record of 6-3 as a starter this year. Despite having the 2nd worst passing grade and a high rate of uncatchable balls the Bears win with him in the lineup. What gives? Well, it helps that his wr unit is 4th in yards after catch and 2nd in broken tackles-they’re inflating his stats so much they should call themselves “The Air Balloon Brigade”.

-Allen Robinson himself is responsible for more than half of the wr unit’s first downs and touchdowns. His partner Mooney is out so the 13 targets he had last week will be distributed among Riley Ridley(?) and Javon Wims(?).

-Both Kamara and Michael Thomas have been activated for this game. The former should have an easier time than usual because Bears lb Roquan Smith is out for this one. His replacement is much slower of foot.

-Down near the endzone Brees should cast an eye towards te Cook because the Bears have given up 12 scores in 16 games to the position.

-Despite averaging over 100 yards per game over the last month and a half rb Montgomery should have a bit of trouble vs a Saints D that has no glaring weaknesses.

-During their last 8 games they are top 3 vs the pass and the run in defensive DVOA. Their secret sauce? They’ve played against a qb-less Denver team, Nick Mullens, Atlanta (X2) and P.J. Walker.

-One last note on these Saints and something that I haven’t seen anything about. Their roster construction couldn’t possibly have been done better. Your qb goes down and Taysom is there with Jameis (on a cheap contract) waiting in the wings-and then Thomas is missing in action and Sanders picks it up. And then Kamara has problems and Lat Murray is there to fill the void. That’s a solid franchise that actually prepared for the possibility of injuries.

Diddle your fiddle down below.

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King Hippo

Did Romo go to the riot and get on No Fly List?

Horatio Cornblower

I doubt it.

Romo never shows up anywhere in January.

Dunstan

He couldn’t make the trip and stayed home. You know he never goes far in the playoffs.

Horatio Cornblower

My wife is famous for telling the servers not only our names, but where we’re from, and we were making fun of her when the latest Dr. Rick commercial came on, and then my daughter sighed and said “I’d pay a lot of money to be able go to a restaurant again and have Mom tell the waitress our life story.”

Dunstan

Those really are great commercials. I mean, I don’t know that they make me want to buy their insurance, but they are amusing.

“Do we really need a sign to tell us to live, laugh, love?”

Horatio Cornblower

They aren’t designed to make you want to buy insurance, but to remember the company’s name when you need to buy insurance.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Don T

“Getting tackled feels like falling down the stairs… then hitting your shin on the bed.”
Nate Burl son killin’ on Nick

Last edited 3 years ago by Don T
King Hippo

Christ, N’Awlins is gonna fuck this up, just to suit MRSA Dreamboat’s whims.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty sure this violates my “no pornography” resolution for the new year, but that doesn’t mean YOU can’t enjoy it!

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>People who broke into the Capitol Wednesday are now learning they are on No-Fly lists pending the full investigation. They are not happy about this. <a href=”https://t.co/5GfHo1eVU8″>pic.twitter.com/5GfHo1eVU8</a></p>&mdash; Ray [REDACTED] (@RayRedacted) <a href=”https://twitter.com/RayRedacted/status/1348388601118273537?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>January 10, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>

Doktor Zymm

That is delightful

Dunstan

 my “no pornography” resolution

Wait, what?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Erótica only.

Recovery Whiskey

404

Nm found it. And it was delicious

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Horatio Cornblower

Kids, Khalil Mack is what we call a ‘Bad Motherfucker’

Horatio Cornblower

An empty windowless van honks mournfully outside of a blood-soaked construction site.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
litre_cola

Is that what you reckon happened?

Horatio Cornblower

Put it this way: I’m not betting against that having happened.

litre_cola

Yeah he was always on the edge and TWBS was quite worried. RIP

Horatio Cornblower

Zoey 101 was a fun show until Zoey Spears got herself knocked up and I had to have that talk with the kids.

Just kidding. They had it with me.

Mother Puncher

(Speaking of Dan Schneider . . .)

Horatio Cornblower

My kids were a little older by the time that one rolled around, but yeah, that show was really questionable.

clint greasewood

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Dunstan

“This social distancing thing isn’t a big deal. My girlfriend and I have been doing it for years.” — Manti Te’o

Horatio Cornblower

He got married this year.

Presumably in person.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seems like it’s tailor-made for Ninety Day Fiance.

Cecil Rhodes

Scenes from the wedding.

B91C5E54-4520-450F-9272-DFC80261D75E.jpeg
litre_cola

Or they MMA fighter in Russia that married a doll recently.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shan’Khor yawns lazily, saving her energy for the fourth quarter.

Don T

comment image

Gumbygirl

This should be in every game!

Gatoraids

The spongebob music fits that play so well

Spur
litre_cola

Zymm what was the Japanese box you ordered?

Doktor Zymm

Bokksu box

Mr. Ayo

Sir, they’re called mail order brides.

litre_cola

As soon as I posted that comment, I knew I opened myself up there.

Horatio Cornblower

Just make sure you open the box before you open yourself.

Those air holes aren’t as effective as you’d think.

King Hippo

The angry pegging should wait until after FITBAW, sir!

Spur

or 1st Ladies depending on the crate

Horatio Cornblower

This might be my favoUrite reply ever.

Recovery Whiskey

Ridiculous call

Gatoraids

This is the one time I’d miss Patriots in the playoffs so a kid reporter could use interview Belliicheck

Horatio Cornblower

“Got a photo of your Mom naked? No? You wanna buy some?”

Doktor Zymm

“Hey kid, where’s your mom?”

Petronel

Yeah, but if you’re a fourteen year old football-head and got forty minutes of Grumblelord explaining defense to you, that would be nerdvana.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d be willing to bet that Bill would spend a lot more time with a kid football nerd than he does with the adult interviewers who ask the same generic questions over and over again.

Unless it was game day. Game day everyone can go straight to hell.

Dunstan

Didn’t that actually happen once? I recall some pro coach getting a question from a kid “reporter” and handling it well, but I don’t remember who the coach was.

litre_cola

You know what you don’t see anymore? Mimes.

You would think it is a perfect social distancing act.

Doktor Zymm

They all went to Hollywood and became guys who act inside rubber monster suits

Horatio Cornblower

Nate is explaining that the Red Zone is the ‘Money Zone’ and so help me God if he calls a touchdown the ‘Money Shot’ I am going to call it a day and never watch football again, because that is not going to be topped.

King Hippo

Wasn’t it #7 aka Taysom?

clint greasewood

Winner gets part a piece of the aggro crag
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Doktor Zymm

HEFTY INTERCEPTY

Petronel

FATGUYCEPTION

Recovery Whiskey

BIG PICK

Horatio Cornblower

‘Rugrats’ wasn’t so much a cartoon as it was the most effective pro-choice advertisement I’ve ever seen.

King Hippo

Fat Guy Mormon-ception!

litre_cola

Fatguyception!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FAT GUY INTERCEPTION!

King Hippo

Back to the thinking chair with Sean Payton

King Hippo

yeah, no Roquan should = MOAR Bitchin’ Kamara

Recovery Whiskey

Is that former Seahawk and Seattle native Nate Burleson? Looks like it

Gumbygirl

Yup. He wants to walk around in a diaper like Tommy Pickles.

Horatio Cornblower

Nickelodeon doesn’t kink-shame.

Recovery Whiskey

“They sure didn’t “ — Dan Schneider

Spur

I bet Donkey Lips could start as a Bear limeman.

Brocky

since I’m all nostalgic for Nickelodeon, here’s a commercial i saw an estimated 8,000 times

Gatoraids

Next Jets head coach

858e6ac635081e2630f7b3cf5f8d9013.jpg
litre_cola

Wonder what ole Barth is up to these days?

Dunstan

No, the Jets will hire someone really competent and become a contender.

.
.
.
Sorry, no, this was just the introduction to the Opposite Sketches.

Mother Puncher

Apparently they interviewed Marvin Lewis. He will win them a super bowl

Spur

mommy are you hurt? I keep hearing about Kissing Titties

Brocky

SHANKLOR I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID LAST NIGHT!

Doktor Zymm

So they’re basically asking the kickers to kick a ball smack in the middle of spongebob’s face? Isn’t that bullying?

Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

But what if he likes balls in his face??

Mr. Ayo

More like Will Putz

Petronel

Well, Spongebob in the uprights is legit terrifying…

Cecil Rhodes

Pictures, please (I can’t watch the Nick feed).

Mr. Ayo

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
WCS

PRAISE SHANK’LOR

Spur

Can someone explain the under/over, moneyline and what the +7,-6 means? For the kids of course, explain for the kids.

Gatoraids

Common Core Gambling

King Hippo

Just the tip!

Don T

Hey Nickelodeon: where’s the Cialis ads?

Horatio Cornblower

Clarissa Explains It All: First, you’re going to need two bathtubs…

Horatio Cornblower

Kids, one things you need to understand is that any time the NFL has a chance to fuck over the Saints, they’re gonna take it. So expect this clearly incomplete pass to be ruled an interception.

Also, touchdown Seahawks!
/Russell Wilson gets slimed
//Not like he’s doing anything now anyway

King Hippo

///Charmslinger lifts head from Ciera’s lap region

Recovery Whiskey

Nah. Got to set up that Brady Brees matchup

Recovery Whiskey

Nick needs to say a review reject is like a DO OVER

Spur

let him announce it
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Horatio Cornblower
Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

I vote NO CATCH.

Mr. Ayo

I vote CHAOS. I mean, CATCH.

Doktor Zymm

Concur. Ground assisted. But they hate overturning calls so I give it 50/50

Recovery Whiskey

Looked fine except for that one little part maybe

Doktor Zymm

How will they handle it if they catch one of the players/coaches saying “fuck” ?

Spur

they’re gonna call their mom

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Awhhooooga! sound effect.

Mother Puncher

Alright. I wasn’t planning on getting high today, but this game has earned it.

tomsellecksmoustache

I want so badly for someone to do the Randy Moss fake mooning on the Nick broadcast.