GET THE F*CK OUT! Your “Our Long National Nightmare” Is…Well, Not As Bad As It Has Been Open Thread

While our comments section can get highly political at times, we here at DFO generally try not to do political posts.  We’re here for football and other, lesser, sports, dick jokes, and soft-core porn.  Politics, other than that it involves people getting fucked, does not fit that vibe.  Today is, however, an exception, because Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States, will, after 12:01 pm, be the Ex-President of the United States.

What can we say about Donald Trump as President?  Well, very little if you wanted it to be read anywhere outside of dick joke and football blog.  In a dick joke and football blog, however, we can say that he was truly an asshole, that he has done more damage to the institution that is the Presidency than was previously thought possible, that he was selfish, stupid, fat, a fucking piece of shit without a single redeeming value, a sexist, a racist, a person of incredibly poor taste in virtually all facets of life, a would-be tinpot dictator, a man so blinded by his own delusions and ignorance that 400,000 Americans are dead, (to date), because Donald could not bear to take the hard steps necessary to confront a pandemic, a serial liar, a xenophobe, a narcissist whose constant need for affirmation led to the appointments of truly terrible and/or incompetent people into positions of power and, in the end, he was what we always knew and he always feared he was, a loser.

There are, of course, up to 74 million voters who would disagree with this, and that’s fine, so long as they can manage to just not invade the Capitol because their special orange boy didn’t win.  While this country has undoubtedly got some serious work ahead of it, I take some comfort in the fact that at least 81 million voters likely do agree with it.  And there are no facts, alternative or otherwise, that make 74 more than 81.

I close with the thoughts of ‘Bloom County’s Milo Bloom, writing a biography of the infamous Senator Bedfellow:  “Leaving a trail of slime wherever he went…” Donald J. Trump has left the building.  Hopefully destined for prison, but that’s a post for another time, and probably place.

Let’s not make me do this again any time soon, America.

Yours in the comments.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

What’s this weird feeling where I’m not completely disgusted and embarrassed by my country’s leadership?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We just went to the Indian restaurant and ordered a Kamala special. They told us that that wasn’t a thing, so instead we ordered some samosas. Now it’s nap time.

scotchnaut

I’d lick her bellybutton in a heartbeat. Hell Yeah!

/shit…did I type that or just think it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I gotta think of a lie, fast!

Brick Meathook

Meanwhile at Mar-a-Lago, Ivanka comforts her father:

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Gumbygirl

I hafta go to the store, I’ll leave you gents with this

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Redshirt

(sigh) “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

(unzip)

King Hippo

We have the Demmycratic Senate officially now. Can we finally start eating Christian babies FOAR Satan??

Sharkbait

Christmas is now banned

Dunstan

Are we still getting taco stands on every corner?

Sharkbait

I hope so. That’s what I voted for.

Game Time Decision

I thought yall did ranked choice for this, so wondering what the other options where?

Dunstan

It’s amazing how much the phrase “Minority Leader Mitch McConnell” pleases me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Heh heh heh” – minorities who do not consider Mitch to be much of a “leader”

Gumbygirl

I’d like it better if it were Dead Minority Leader Bitch McConnell.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She’s going to accidentally poison somebody, isn’t she?

/what, you aren’t watching Downton Abbey too?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Phew!

Dunstan

There are now five U.S. colleges that have produced a Super Bowl MVP [Correction — it’s winning QB] and a President.

(I would probably not have been able to name any of the other four, but then I barely remember where I went to college.)

Last edited 3 years ago by Dunstan
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Drunk enough that I am having a hard time thinking of what album to play next.

SonOfSpam

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Instead we are watching Downton Abbey!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kill…wealthy…dowager…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Turns out there was enough pineapple just for like 1/2 of a Blue Hawaii.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be clear, I’m drinking 1/2 a Blue Hawaii.

Gumbygirl

This is me today
https://youtu.be/jhkIh4x4mmM

Gumbygirl

Fuck! That’s not what I meant to post!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Ike and Tina part isn’t a tribute to Don and Melania? Oh, right, that doesn’t make sense; Tina actually had genuine talent and wasn’t just a glorified prostitute.

Gumbygirl

He fears me. I meant to post a gif of Lucille Ball pouring champagne, but I am a Techtard First Class!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Many of the gif hosting sites do not make it easy.
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Gumbygirl

Thanks Rikki, that’s the one!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay if there is enough pineapple juice I’m gonna do one more Blue Hawaii.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough about Baby Jessica’s teenage years…

litre_cola

Oh this is my roller coaster Horatio. Every damn game in the Premier League….

Sharkbait

So I don’t think Trump is going to release his healthcare plan

Dunstan

Not sure Mexico is going to pay for the wall.

Col. Duke LaCross

It will always be Infrastructure Week somewhere.

Dunstan

The real Infrastructure Week was the friends we made along the way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Crap, I thought it was the infrastructure we made along the way!

Col. Duke LaCross

Yeah, sadly none of that got done.

Gumbygirl

His tax returns are going to be released. In a New York courtroom.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nature, red in tooth and claw.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s so good (x4).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAH GAWD THAT’S GRETA THUNBERG’S MUSIC!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is the kind of shade that will stop global warming.

SonOfSpam

Last guy who got it that hard from a foreign teenager was Jeffrey Epstein.

Col. Duke LaCross

Holy shit!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. got tired of The Hold Steady so we went with Deltron 3030.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dSH8lAYn4XE

TheRevanchist

Rivers showing solidarity with Trump on his retirement day seems apropos.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Appropriate song for the end of the Trump presidency.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9WQoOBrq_g

Dunstan

I admit I’m still partly bracing myself for news that there was one last pardon or executive order that hasn’t been reported yet.

bk109

Well, as a lawyer, you should be stoked at the prospect of seeing the Supreme Court debating whether or not crayon scribbles on an unused adult diaper constitute a “get outta jail free” card and what scope of legal issues does it cover 😀

Dunstan

Honestly, anything that keeps this Supreme Court busy and away from further eroding the Bill of Rights is probably a good thing.

bk109

I am pretty sure I heard you cursing the heavens (or heathens, it was a bit loud) that made that so

Gumbygirl

Speaking of crayon scribbles, here’s dumps note to President Biden

Gumbygirl

Here

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bk109

The sad thing is… after 4 years, this feels at least feasible – both as a request and as actual eksequshun

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I really like that nickname.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man it sure would be fun to yell “Loooooo-ser!” at him from a passing car.

Dunstan

The other underrated development of today is that Roger Goodell returns to his spot as the #1 National Disgrace.

bk109

Dunno, I think Rob Manfred’s making a good push to surpass him

Dunstan

Oh, you can blame the USA for that. But Bettman is more of an International Disgrace.

bk109

Otoh, if it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t have had a Canadian buddy cop movie about a hockey killer 😀 (seriously,tho Bon Cop, Bad Cop is surprisingly fun)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

His DFO nickname should be “Scabbers”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Separation Sunday” feels like an appropriate soundtrack to my continued drinking this morning.

Dunstan

The stock market is up overall today, but malarkey futures are way down.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, you really wanna short the fuck outta malarkey right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Shorting is for amateurs. You wanna open up some put spreads, that’s where the REAL money is.” – Hue Jackson

Dunstan

I’m waiting for Jalen Ramsay to weigh in before I decide.

Dunstan

Guys, I’m starting to think Trump isn’t going to get a second term after all. I can’t believe that @MAGAPatriotQPope misled us!

Dunstan

I kind of want to, but I think I’ll just rely on people posting the best parts.

bk109

A mess “today” ? … Just today ?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You heard him right. It’s normally quite the erudite collection of chaps that would put Xavier, Winchester, and Hendrick to shame.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
bk109

Pfft, I still can’t believe he had a first term XD

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Melania Trump, glaring at her abortionist

SonOfSpam

They were all buying CB radios to keep in touch because at noon Eastern, we were gonna have a national blackout while martial law was instituted.

bk109

…CB radio? That’s just silly – if you want to keep touch at range in crappy EM conditions, you really need 40/20meter band radio, for everything else, a MURS/UHF station is fine (those 20 quid Baofeng UV5’s are GREAT for worksites or for keeping in contact in the wild)…

YES, I was a member of a radio club … DO NOT PROVOKE MY CEBIE-JEBIE WRATH 😀

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My own “blue Hawaii” consisted of 1 part light rum, 1 part coconut rum, 1/2 part blue curacao, as much pineapple juice as was in the bottom of the tupperware.

Probably could use more pineapple juice. But it’s still delicious.

SonOfSpam

Apparently doing a “military review” which I think is this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt7U0XycEJE

SonOfSpam

dammit

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, we’re out of prosecco. Time to move on to the hard stuff. I’ve got blue curacao, Malibu rum, and pineapple. This should be easy.

SonOfSpam

Is that a Blue Hawaii? Because those are delicious and easy.

Dunstan

Abstinence, like chastity, is its own punishment.

bk109

That’s really a weird way to spell absinthe, but .. fuck it, why not

Cheers lads!

bk109

Absinthe’s like beer, it *really* matters where and who made it and can run the gamut of utter shite to “so good, you don’t remember how/why you ended up sleeping sitting in a kitchen sink”

SonOfSpam

Gonna try for a Dry February instead. 28 < 31

Gumbygirl

Sensible.

Dunstan

I’m just going to go with February 29-31.

Only for this year, mind you. Some years it’ll be just February 30-31.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As it turns out, yes. I rung it in with a little Dick Dale. But Amazon Music ain’t got no Man or Astro-Man so I am listening to Harry Hood instead.

SonOfSpam

“I rung it in with a little dick, Dale.”

-Roy Rogers, explaining to his wife how his experimental New Year’s Eve went

Don T

Trump stuff that was unprecedented:
-talking shit about US intelligence
-licking Putin’s shoes at that presser
-Afghan bounties on US troops? Pft
-overt racism over and over
-wiping ass with many Int’l. treaties
-looking straight into an eclipse

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You misspelled “inciting a mob to storm the Capitol with the hopes of having his own vice-president assassinated”.

SonOfSpam

-wife fucking half the Secret Service

bk109

I’m pretty sure that’s quite precedented *cough* Jackie O revenge secksss *cough*

Sharkbait

Glad we don’t have to see this anymore
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Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Game Time Decision

NSFKDL
( not safe for keeping down lunch)

bk109

Meh, after surviving BOB’s buttchin, we can endure anything!

LemonJello

What happened to Ivanka?

bk109

Jar-Jar sold her to MBS for assylum in Riyadh

SonOfSpam

Barack is reminding him. “Look, Joe…you worked with me, and now you have Kamala, but it doesn’t mean you get to say ‘What up my n—-‘ ever.”

Senor Weaselo

Someone made a Robinette reference earlier.comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hunter Renfrow is going to insist that the next elf character in G&G be named Gamaliel.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m the same way but instead of corruption it’s “pants”.

Dunstan

I knew Law & Order has been running for a long time, but I didn’t realize it was so old that Biden would be named after the original ADA.

And wasn’t Gamaliel a Tolkein character?

bk109

Biblical/Historical, unfortunately. The bigger question is.. was Biden the inspiration for the protagonist of Frederick Pohl’s Gateway 😉

bk109

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Correct and not only was she good, she was Aussie good

SonOfSpam

I’d like Twitter to reactivate Trump’s account for like an hour.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But they can’t tell him it’s just for an hour. Make him think that it’s genuinely been restored. And then after an hour – maybe even mid-tweet – just shut it the fuck back down again.

SonOfSpam

Perfect.

bk109

Or even better – make it appear that it’s active, but have it spam a 2FA request before every attempt to tweet, that ALWAYS fails? He’ll shit out his kidneys in frustration within the hour

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This song was played at the end of the movie “Bully” as the cops start to move on the idiot immature criminals. Why do I feel compelled to play it right now? Huh. Not sure. Guess that will have to remain a mystery for the historians to unravel.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=czFuhFyPQrE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, right, important additional detail: the movie was set in Florida.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For some reason, this song is my fucking jam right now. Like full-on frisson and everything, once it gets to the poetry part in the middle.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u5gNfT1ECqY

LemonJello

It’s not a montage of Herr Charlemango walking to/from Marine One and Air Force One, with Bonnie Tyler’s “I Need A Hero” on loop?

Dunstan

I forget who, but someone on Twitter suggested a montage of his Fox & Friends appearances, to the “Thank You For Being a Friend” theme from Golden Girls.

bk109

I thought they moved onto “WHERE ARE THOSE FLIGHT LOGS” ?

WCS

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Brick Meathook

They’re showing old Goldwater speeches

bk109

I think we need Dunstan to fact check that, because I thought the VP was supposed to be put in a barrel and catapulted towards JFK’s eternal flame. If he survives, he becomes eligible to run in the next cycle, if not – well, good riddance to a bad placeholder

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh is that how Al Gore ended up on the moon? Just a simple overshoot?

bk109

No, it was just Bill getting his revenge for having to endure all those Tipper Gore sermons 😀

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like “tipper gore” is some kind of oblique reference to “up to your nuts in guts”.

Dunstan

It’s actually what scotchy calls his favorite knife.

bk109

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Dunstan

Well, normally the outgoing VP is supposed to arm wrestle the Speaker of the House, but Mother won’t let Pence be alone with Pelosi.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you ever have the chance to drink a blood orange mimosa, I highly recommend the experience. It is so choice.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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HOW MUCH BLOOD OF THE HERETIC SHOULD ONE USE?!

SonOfSpam

Good drink, good reference.

I’ve already fucked up something at work today because distractions, may as well add drinking.

LemonJello

That should steady your hands for the next surgery, doctor.

bk109

Cocktails are the slippery slope to hawaiian shirts and sandals, damn it… WE CAN NOT RISK THIS!

Senor Weaselo

Ladies and gentlemen of the Southern District of New York, start your indictments!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching the feed for “Young Americans” and I have to say I have much more interest in what Keke Palmer has to say than George Stephopopadapolus or Chuck Fucking Todd has to say.

SonOfSpam

Is she one of the Basketball Wives?

Brick Meathook

Michael Strahan is a commenter on ABC

Gumbygirl

George Snuffleupagus.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Senor Weaselo

All right piccolo, bring it on home!

LemonJello

Is Joe’s Trans Am having the firebird decal on the hood replaced with the Presidential Seal? The horn plays “Hail to the Chief’?

WCS

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LemonJello

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SonOfSpam

Poon Force One

Senor Weaselo

Friend making fun of everyone adding a damn deceptive cadence to the end of their song: “Bernie Sanders will make perfect authentic cadences tuition free.”

Last edited 3 years ago by Senor Weaselo