(looks around to see if he’s going to step on Balls’ dick again…)
NFL News:
- Well, lets take a look at today’s Russell Wilson rumours:
- Management is “unhappy” with what he said on Dan Patrick’s show the other day.
- It kinda figures that the one accused of allowing violence to occur would take umbrage with the person who exposed that violence. It seems to be a recent Seahawk trait.
- Since Wilson doesn’t know if he’s trade bait, he won’t care that the current most likely destinations for him to end up are the Raiders and the Cowboys.
- The problem is the cap hit. If they trade him before June 1, the Seahawks would take a $39 million cap acceleration. After June 1, the Seahawks would carry $13 million this year and $26 million in 2022.
- This is where Jacksonville makes the most sense for a trade, as the anticipated price might be as much as three #1 picks, and having a rookie QB might mitigate the pain of the cap hit for one year.
- The problem is the cap hit. If they trade him before June 1, the Seahawks would take a $39 million cap acceleration. After June 1, the Seahawks would carry $13 million this year and $26 million in 2022.
- Management is “unhappy” with what he said on Dan Patrick’s show the other day.
- In comparison, Matthew Stafford only felt the need to push for his trade after Matt Patricia was fired.
- It would be his fourth rebuild in a Lions uniform, and he “wanted to shoot his shot”.
- When he broke the news to his O-line, their reaction was, “go get a gold jacket, man.”
- By hitting the market early, the Lions were able to maximize that leverage, fleecing the Rams for Jared Goff, plus two first-round draft picks and a third-round pick.
- The next best offer was from the Panthers, which was their eighth overall pick, a fifth-round pick and quarterback Teddy Bridgewater.
- It would be his fourth rebuild in a Lions uniform, and he “wanted to shoot his shot”.
- Stealing from Crimebeat!:
- The former [Redacteds] have reached a settlement with the cheerleaders who appeared in lewd videos made without their knowledge during swimsuit calendar photo shoots in 2008 and 2010.
This shoot, in fact - The videos were made from outtakes during those years in which some private parts were exposed.
- This is outside of the investigation into sexual harassment allegations of 15 women against former front office employees.
- This is expected to be released some time before the draft.
- Britt Reid has been released from the Chiefs staff.
- Technically, his contract expired at the end of the season, but the “incident” made it very apparent he wasn’t going to be renewed.
- This concludes the follow-up to the Britt Reid jokes post Rikki had up the other day.
- I haven’t seen that many Adderall jokes since the Legion of Boom’s heyday.
- The former [Redacteds] have reached a settlement with the cheerleaders who appeared in lewd videos made without their knowledge during swimsuit calendar photo shoots in 2008 and 2010.
On a separate note, condolences to Maestro & all Commentists who reside in Ontario on the postponement of Spring Break from March 15-19 to April 12-16. Who would have thought this dim-witted chode
might not be the organizational master he proclaimed himself to be?
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: (all Canadians games are regional-only broadcasts)
- Pittsburgh vs NY Islanders – 7:00pm | NBCSN / Sportsnet360
- NBA:
- Miami vs Houston 7:30pm | TNT
- Toronto vs Boston 7:30pm | Sportsnet
- Orlando vs Golden State 10:00pm | Sportsnet1
- Philadelphia vs Portland 10:00pm TNT / TSN2
- NCAA:
- Iowa State at Kansas – 7:00pm | ESPN
- Cincinnati at Memphis – 7:00pm | ESPN2
- Oregon at Arizona State – 9:00pm | ESPN
- UCLA at Washington State – 11:00pm | FS1
That’s it for me. Balls has a special Valentine’s post for you tomorrow, so I’ll see you guys on the weekend.
An actor friend of mine is an extra on The Mandalorian and was telling a story of how he was chatting up a stuntwoman and she basically froze him out. I think it would be a better story if it had actually been going really well and he was planning on asking her out the next time he was on set but it turns out she was Gina Carano’s stunt double and he never saw her again.
Since Gumbygirl is here, I’m going to reiterate a comment I made on the Hue Jackson post:
I love the endings of Gumbygirl’s stories.
The stories themselves are great but the last sentence is always sublime.
Aw, thanks, geez!
Your last sentence always brings out the “Wait, what?”
I like a plot twist!
Sup
Some good stuff, some horribly depressing stuff, ya know, the usual
One day there will be a savior who eschews cannibalism and instead has us drink his urine, and that urine is Chablis
Take this, all of you, and drink it. This is my pee, which will be givin’ you a buzz.
Hilarious blasphemy!
found a funny:
It’s so weird cause I can still remember the cheat codes to GTA: San Andreas but not why I walked into this room
If it wasn’t to get health, armor, and money, IT IS NOW!
I’m convinced that the voice for these Grove Collaborative ads is Abbi Jacobson (of Disenchantment) but the lazy internet refuses to confirm this.
Curry is feeling it early
As opposed to someone with a sensitive gut who would be feeling the curry early
Usually I feel curry later.
/will show self out.
Found out that one of my neighbours is doing Indian dishes. Kinda scared to get the spicy curry as it will burn twice
Vindaloooooooo! That stuff is fierce, I’m not ashamed to say that medium American hot is as far as I’m willing to go. I love spicy, but not crazy hot.
Damnit now I want Indian food.
I have red wine, left over taco meat, and chocolate chip cookies I baked earlier in the day, plus I am off work tomorrow.
Well done!
I first read this with extra punctuation,
and was very happy for you.
Well, everyone’s pissed off at Will Bales now. I’m not, as you will see in my column… a week after the episode airs.
Who the what why now?
Gin rickey, you’re so fine,
you’re so fine you blow my mind,
Gin rickey! Gin rickey!
(I like singing to my drink)
Ooh, I like! I think I can even use a version of the same song..
Hey drinky, you’re so fine,
You’re so fine because you’re wine
Hey drinky!
I approve, though I think Neil Diamond and UB40 are a little disappointed in you.
There was one song outlawed at my wedding and it was Red Red Wine by UB40.
Just that? Bold.
I banned any and all country music.
Sensible. Otherwise you could end up with line dancing, and nobody wants to see that.
It’s cheap sparkling, so that does limit my options. Might be interesting to look at replacing “mine” in various songs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmqysSJOsQ8
Hot take: I thought the original Terminator was better than T2
Additional hot take: Gavin Newsom is not attractive
PS: If you rhyme with line, I hope I’m never way out of wine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muEFD_odvUg
Do you think bubbles ever have reverse size anxiety?
Tiny bubbles???
I should start doing that
Thinkin bout Blue Oyster Cult
Spam he drinks beer it’s cheaper
Than the rum or the gin or champagne
(We’ll be drunk like he is)
And he opened a twelve pack
(He’ll be able to fly)
And he downed another one
(Think of dogs and he’ll cry)
Come on baby
(Hope you got money to buy
Come on baby
Drink beer it’s cheaper
That deserves a grammy!
At least a Slammy.
I was mightily amused this day by the Target Dress Challenge
https://www.boredpanda.com/target-dress-challenge/
It looks like JJ Watt also wants out of Houston.
I know I need a vacation because I’ve been referring to rearranging my furniture as “iterating on my furniture config”
I’m using machine learning to redecorate my place; currently I have a four foot tall pile of screws, a French mime, and a ham leg hanging from the ceiling but we’re only on iteration 10 million or so.
Mimes are making a comeback.
I hadn’t heard.
Hah!
What’s your training data? Is it stock photos?
Just an old Victoria’s Secret catalog I had laying around.
…Ok, Sears Catalog.
Ah, I see the problem
Seems legit.
Right? I can’t believe we’ve regressed so far that we now turn to things like vaccines and antibiotics when there’s no reason we can’t all have electric belts and goat testicle transplants!
“Tsk, tsk, monkey testicles are clearly the way to go.” — Serge Voronoff
Serge Voronoff – Wikipedia
Which testicle would win in a fight?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_R._Brinkley
“Brinkley, a demagogue beloved by hundreds of thousands of people in Kansas and elsewhere, nevertheless launched two campaigns for Kansas governor, one of which was nearly successful”
Why am I not surprised?
If it was Oklahoma he would have won
“I bet you use 80 gauge underwear” is a pretty slick small penis joke I tell you what.
This sneak-previewed late last night.
Now, here is its world premiere:
https://vimeo.com/511042638/7a4d43764e
Great soundtrack
If you hear phrases from Shut Down by the Beach Boys, you’re right. This came first though. Roger Christian and Brian Wilson wrote Shut Down based on this, shortening it and reworking some of the lyrics.
Shut Down was one of the things that helped inspire me to buy my 64 Corvette roadster back in 1976. It’s still out in my garage.
Do you still crash at the end?
I’m still in the hospital, doped on morphine, in the ICU, in traction, in an iron lung, inside an oxygen tent.
Excellent! We expect a new video by the end of the weekend!
On this episode of chopped Martha Stewart is one of the judges and one of the contestants started talking about stocks. I wish she had asked Martha if she had any tips on playing the market.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9it9m72zvQ
This chunky player on Colorado is Evan Battey and he just told me, “I’ve seen wings you people couldn’t believe. Nacho chips on fire off the pork shoulder of Onion. I watched full-fat creams glisten in the sauce near the outhouse gelato. All those memories will be lost in time, like girls on a train.”
+2049
You know, I hate the LOB and everything about those Seattle teams (ESPECIALLY the non-BeastMode fans) but, credit where do, they didn’t take their adderall then slam a bunch of liquor and get behind the wheel and nearly kill two small children just minding their own business in a parked car.
Delos needs to get this Mk.1 host back to cold storage at the mesa.
So Tom Brady got drunk and tossed around the Lombardi Trophy from boat the boat over open water.
I never thought I would ever end up in Tom Brady fan, but here we are.
Damn.
Maybe it’s just New England. I mean, we root for ever other player until they land there. And their owner pays discount rates for handjobs from slaves and there are absolutely no consequences for that seemingly horrendous* act. And their fans are basically the Ben Shapiro Show.
You know, I do like my Ugg boots….
*Crime with a Slave Kicker
That’s not fair, Massachusetts is…
[remembers that they elected Mitt Romney as governor]
Carry on.
Jesus, Mitt Romney seems extremely normal right now.
I really like THC and CBD, but there are better ways.
How do you insert it if there’s a large vein in your bottom?
I dunno know why everyone is so weird about ass stuff.
Because eating a candy is easier.
gonna start calling you blastassath
THAT’S MY SAFE NAME!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T3gur7ITGQA
Idk. Sounds kinda like foreplay
Still better than Nemesis.
/watching Colorado/Stanford
There is an obviously out-of-shape dude on the Buffaloes struggling to keep up with the pace of play on both ends of the floor and I don’t think the team has another option and he is absolutely mesmerizing. I’ll try to figure out who he is.
if March break no longer falls in March, does it make a sound?
Let me run it through the Gronkometer and I’ll get back to you.
My high school in Louisiana had spring break in early Feb for some stupid reason, probably related to civil law and hating minorities
In Connecticut we had our break in February.
Growing up as a military dependent and moving every 2 or 3 years, I had spring breaks that took place at different times, but as far as I can remember they all took place in March or April.
Beware the Ehdes of March
At least now you can saunter or slink instead
I once named my FF team “Chardonnay and Adderall” after lyrics from this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN-xVSlnWKQ
Would also be a great name for a buddy cop show.
“She’s a sarcastic wine mom; he’s a narcoleptic genius. Together, they solve crimes!”
Set in Chicago, obviously
I thought that was Rizzoli & Isles.
That was great!
Hey it has the same consonants and number of syllables as this!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SaeLKhRnkhQ
Is really too bad the Gallagher brothers hated each other so much. This band was the absolute tits.
Oasis haters gunna come out the woodwork bulleee dat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyJU2136ym4
Who dislikes Oasis?
Oh there were conversations on this here sit a while back.
“Britt Reid was fired? That must be a hard pill to swallow.”
–Hippo, speaking on his “You Got ‘Em, I’ll Ingest ‘Em” podcast