San Francisco 49ers Preview: Chimera-thon

Team Previews

Covalent Blonde - August 27, 2018August 27, 2018

The San Francisco 49ers, my team, my boys, feels now more like watching tape from one side of a 2014 Pro Bowl game. I am a realist and I know that growing a team from the ground up takes time and cultivation that is akin to franchise suicide, but this

49ers Bye Week: So Uninspiring You Probably Didn’t Notice We Weren’t Playing

Covalent Blonde - November 22, 2017November 22, 2017

What the fuck do I even say? What even is there? It’s not as if our team has just been beleaguered by injuries (*hands Beastmode a tissue for his tears) or some other catastrophic accident, our lackluster season has been the culmination of systemic and repetitive organizational ambivalence and ineptitude.

SF 49ers Preview: A Desperate Plea for Ecological Rebirth

Preseason Football Sucks

Covalent Blonde - August 30, 2017August 30, 2017

So here we are, on the eve of the 2017 NFL season, and like any good Niners fan, the future looks mighty tentative, if not a bit bleak. Unfortunately, the preseason is always quite contagious with the vilest of contaminations: hope. New GM, John Lynch, and HC, Kyle Shanahan, inherit

A Call to Hodor: Colts Team Preview

Team Previews

Covalent Blonde - September 5, 2016September 5, 2016

*Blink and you might miss this review. Poor, Indy, finishing .500 last year, which by the good graces of being in the AFC South means they managed to be second in a division where mediocrity takes ambition. All of last year’s preseason rumors about potentially letting Pagano go if the Colts

49ers 2016 Preview: a One-Sided Conversation with a Team Hero

Team Previews

Covalent Blonde - August 22, 2016August 22, 2016

Strolling along the sidewalk at the Rose Garden in San Jose as I head into town to pick up the ticket package for the upcoming hockey season I see a food truck with a familiar face peeking out through the window… “So you want a Philly cheesesteak? You look like a

Alternative Gravy: Sexy Times with Avocados

Covalent Blonde - July 3, 2016July 3, 2016

Not everyone can spend days getting their shit together to cook one fucking meal! This is hopefully an offering to those of us that are in this category. So let’s just say that, like me, you may not have oodles and oodles of time to commit to a meal or a

Welcome to UEFA Euros: The Poland Preview

DFOing Good

Covalent Blonde - June 2, 2016May 31, 2016

UEFA European Championship—The 30-second Summary The Euros will be hosted this year in France for the fifteenth UEFA European Championship from 10 June through 10 July 2016. Spain is the current champion, winning their third title in 2012, tying with Germany for the most held and winning back-to-back titles at that.

This is How You Make MVP Unanimously

Lesser Sports

Covalent Blonde - May 10, 2016May 10, 2016

Perhaps I am just looking for a shiny ring to rest my Bay Area hat on since the Sharks loss to the Preds last night tempers my enthusiasm, it sure as hell isn't the dumpster fire of the Niners, and we'll have to see how the Giants fair in the

Your “Move on, Monday” Open Thread

Covalent Blonde - May 9, 2016May 9, 2016

199

Look, Monday, you’ve been great and we’ve shared some “alright” maybe even “fun” times together but I think it might be time for us to look into seeing other days. You’re a super cool day but I think it is time for us to move on. Beerguyrob, our regular open thread

NFL New Year’s Resolutions

DFOing Good

Covalent Blonde - December 31, 2015

As the year comes to a close DFO took some time to have some introspective thoughts from around the NFL to consider what sorts of New Year’s resolutions one would be able to hear if they were merely a fly on the wall of corporate offices, locker rooms, showers, and

San Francisco 49ers: a Team Preview of Who’s Left

Team Previews

Covalent Blonde - August 24, 2015August 24, 2015

Hey, guess what’s better than writing a season preview for a loser team that no one cares about, i.e. the Browns? Writing it for a loser team that is your own! Super Bowl 50 will be held at Levi’s Stadium. The Niners are in contention to be the first NFL team

The Factory of Sadness: The Only Industry in Cleveland

Uncategorized

Covalent Blonde - August 18, 2015August 9, 2015

Welp. It’s the Browns. And aside from some weird childhood nostalgia or misguided sympathies, few of you reading this will be deeply attached to my analysis (really it would have just been rude to have previewed the other 30 teams—obviously I am not counting this alleged Texans that I hear