Request Line: Indecision

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER is bustling around the office, humming merrily to himself.  DJ 3000 is in his usual place on the side of the room, the lights on his console blinking slowly but calmly.   DJ 3000: I HAVE TO SAY IT IS REASSURING TO SEE YOU BEHAVING MORE

Request Line: Misters and Mistresses

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The studio sits empty.  The PRODUCER is nowhere to be seen.   DJ 3000: [sighs] DJ 3000: [to database] <?php $potential_topics = mysql_query("SELECT topic FROM request_line_database WHERE published = 'false'"); if (!$potential_topics) { echo 'Could not run query: ' . mysql_error(); exit; } $topic_array = best($potential_topics); echo $topic_array[0] ?> DJ 3000: NO, I KNOW HE'S SAVING THAT ONE FOR WHEN HE ACTUALLY HAS HIS SHIT TOGETHER ENOUGH TO INTRODUCE IT PROPERLY. DJ 3000:

DFO Radio: Backlog

The content monster has been pawing at my leg all morning, but all I've got for it is some music.  Hope this fills the void for you, little fella. [rubs content monster's belly] --- a short time later --- Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.  Passersby were amazed at the unusually large

Request Line: The Domain of the Land Baron

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAY An incredibly handsome internet writer sits staring blankly at a spreadsheet of potential Request Line topics. --- [imaginary door in his mind flies open] --- BRITTFAR: Howdy! RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Oh. It's you. BRITTFAR: I can't help but notice you hunting for a Request Line topic this week. RTD: I guess.  It's not

Request Line: Speed

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY? OR MAYBE NIGHT? IT ALL SEEMS TO BE BLENDING TOGETHER WHEN YOU DON'T GO OUTSIDE ANYMORE. The PRODUCER is at the control panel, having an animated conversation with...someone inside the recording booth.  DJ 3000 looks on in concern, because the recording booth appears to be empty.  PRODUCER:

Request Line: Gardening

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER is on his knees in the office, wearing a torn "Jimmy and the Animal" promotional t-shirt as a headband.  He obviously has not bathed for quite some time.  He is inspecting the carpet carefully, apparently searching for something. There is a mesh bag of

Request Line: Loneliness

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER lies on his back on a couch in the office outside the sound booth. His left hand is draped over the edge of the couch, holding a stress ball. He throws the ball straight up in the air and catches it in front of

Request Line: Unauthorized Covers

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER is stretched out on the studio couch, eyes glazed, staring at DJ 3000's display screen. DJ 3000: ARE YOU STILL WATCHING? PRODUCER: [blinks sleepily] Huh? Oh, right. Yeah, I'm still watching. DJ 3000: PREVIOUSLY, ON GREY'S ANATOMY... PRODUCER: You know what? Let's put a pin in it for

Cabin Fever: Southern California Regional

INT. ZOOM CHATROOM - DAY A mongoose, a little person holding a lollipop, a gold-leaf coated pair of buttocks, an alternate universe version of Philip Rivers, a miniature can of processed meat, and live video of Brett Favre's lower intestine share the screen. HOST: Welcome everyone, to an other edition of "Quarantining

Request Line: Superstitions

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY DJ 3000 sits alone in the office, a single LED blinking lazily.  It is very quiet.  A flush is heard down the hallway.  A few moments later the PRODUCER enters, wearing a bathrobe.  A toothbrush is poking out of his mouth.  As DJ 3000 cycles out