MOAR BLOOD TO OIL THE GEARS!: Your College Football Championship/Charcoal-Gray Monday II Open Thread

Huh.  Well that went a different direction than expected... I'm not surprised to be writing a followup Coaches Gettin' ShitCanned post this week.  In a historically weak NFC, the Bearistocrats! still needed the Super Bonus Charity Wild Card to qualify for the playoffs.  Listening to Chicago sports radio (having spent part

#DisBelieveland: 2020 Cleveland Browns Bye Week Update

Quick: without looking at their record, are the Cleveland Browns a good team or a bad team?   Got an answer?   You're wrong.  Whichever way you answered, you're wrong.   Cleveland is a Limited Heisenberg Uncertainty Team: at any given time, you can know where they are, but you can't know where they are going.

Football’s Sh***iest Cosplay: Your 2020 Detroit Lions Season Preview

Hot Taek: The Detroit Lions are perhaps the most consistently DFO Team in the league. Why? Schadenfreude. They jettisoned Jim Caldwell for the sin of going 9-7 in consecutive years. At that point, they hired Matt Patricia from the Patriots.  Bob Quinn had been hired from the Greatriots in 2016 and

Your “You Can’t Say That On Television” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Hopefully the banner image doesn't get us blacklisted as porn by search engines in Canada. Beer Guy Rob is still off tonight, and in the absence of adult supervision they decided to let me drive the DFO Virtual Party Bus this evening. My heart is broken, because the rumors that Curt Schilling

A Feast of Crow: 2020 San Francisco 49ers Preview

Longtime readers know that I have gone on at interminable length regarding my semi-papal near-infallibility.  I am almost never wrong, and it drives Dr. Mrs. Mayhem fucking insane. But God has no place on the West Coast.  The 6-10 49ers actually went 13-3.  Trip to the Super Bowl. Fuckit. I do feel

I Can See Cleeeeeaarrrly Now, Tom Braaaaady’s Gone: 2020 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: Despite the overwhelmingly positive response to last year's All Interpretive Dance team preview, I have decided not to go back to that well a second year in a row.  Try to contain your disappointment.] So here it is.  It's finally happening.  Like Christmas morning, high school graduation and losing

The Burning Stream: Your 2020 Cleveland Browns Season Preview

Cleveland, Ohio is a wonderful city, bursting with many shining examples of culture, fine dining and friendly people. Every single word of that sentence is a filthy lie, except for "Cleveland," "Ohio" and "City."  And frankly, "city" is being generous.  I would have gone with "penal colony," except that usually requires

Shooting Yourself In the D*ck With An AR-15: Comments on the MLB “Reopening”

At this point, political humor is dead. To quote Penny Arcade: “It’s like trying to make fun of a clown. What, are you going to make fun of his tiny car? His floppy shoes? It just doesn’t work.”   Similarly, we’ve run through all the stand-up specials, animated sitcoms, obscure British 90s