Our 2019 Tampa Bay preview focused on the team's nickname and the crab-filching faltching felching stealing quarterback. Well, seasons change, people change, but Tampa Bay's quarterback remains shady. Just in case you missed the news (and the accompanying screeching and wailing from the Greater Boston area), Tom Brady decided to
Remember when everyone thought the Browns would be good this year? That was adorable. They are 2-4 at their bye, and Baker Mayfield kinda sucks, and David Njoku broke something, and Nick Chubb still has a name that makes me giggle. Their coach is this random DUI mugshot: Still kinda laughing about Chubb. Anyway, the
In retrospect, it may not have been wise to make the 2019 Indianapolis Colts Preview post all about Andrew Luck. Just before the season started, Andrew's agent gave Jim Irsay the Sister Christian treatment; e.g., "You know that boy don't wanna play no more with you...it's true." MOTORIN WHAT'S YOUR PRICE FOR Sorry.
THE ANDREWLUCKY ’Twas brillig, and the boring Colts Did gyre and gimble in the 'Nap: All drunkish were the cheering dolts, Gravy'd sacks of fatty crap. ω “Protect the AndrewLuck, my son! The fragile arm, the aching back! Beware the Watt and Clowney pair, And hand it off to Mack!” ω He took his ovoid ball in
Many news organizations and pop culture websites report Super Bowl picks from today's hottest celebrities. Here at DoorFliesOpen, we decided to request picks from horrible people instead. Hatemongering attention whore Timmi Latrine answered the call and submitted this poorly-worded screed for our amusement. This is entirely unedited and in her
Poland enters the 2018 World Cup as a mystery wrapped in an enigma cloaked in bowling shirts. The Polandites qualified impressively, winning their group by 5 points over Denmark. However, their form since then has been spotty, and their recent World Cup history is as impressive as their screen-doored submarines
A random phone rings in a famous building... White House Operator: Uh, hello? Mysterious Sexy-Voiced Protagonist: Yes, hello...I'm calling from Door Flies Open and looking to get some information on a foreign country. With whom am I speaking? White House Operator: This is Ivanka. MSVP (who is now obviously DFO): Wow, didn't expect that. Why