A Confidence is Lost

banner image via {Exterior, Coach Mike Zimmer's ranch in Northern Kentucky} [Door Flies Open] Coach Zimmer: "Hey everybody, I'm home!" Maria: "Hi Coach! Welcome home!" Beansie: "EEEEEKK!" CZ: "Man, it's good to be home but I tell ya, I wouldn't mind being in Miami right now doing some game prep." Maria: "You know Coach. You had a

At the intersection of Hope and Belief: Vikings at the bye.

image via. As recipients of the final NFL bye week, it's time to put the current season of the Minnesota Vikings into perspective. In all honesty 8-3 surpasses expectations eleven games in. Let's take some time to harken back to my team season preview. "This team can go anywhere from 6-10 to Superb Owl

THE ROAD to Area 51

banner image via He carefully checked the expansive sky for signs of rain as he loaded the saddlebags on his Harley. The gun was probably not necessary since the last live human he saw had been over 4 months ago. Out here in the desert though? Probably best to be safe. The

A Tradition Like Any Other: Augusta National Can F*** Right Off

Here's a secret: I despise the dipshits who run Augusta National Golf Club. Glad-handing, misogynist dickheads who use the ideas of "tradition" and "the old ways" to actively make their golf tournament as white as possible. IT'S A GOLF TOURNAMENT YOU FUCKING FUCKS. Fuck these people with Satan's chainsaw wang. Yeah,

A “Case” of Evil.

* image via interior Vikings locker room fall 2017. Case Keenum sits at his locker preparing for the 2017 season opener. Sam Bradford approaches. Sam: "Hey Case! Whatup?" Case: "Hey 'Hi-Beam' how you doing?" Sam: "Feeling good, man. I'm ready for the season to start. I don't think I've ever felt healthier or more prepared

Your “Giant Nuts on the Table” Friday Evening Open Thread

Evening, lizard people. I'm hijacking the Friday evening open thread tonight because tonight's gonna be a fun night of sports. Well, for me. Well, if I didn't have dress rehearsal for a concert tomorrow night. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlpNB0WeQaQ (It's 27 minutes. And 25 of those minutes you're waiting for a cadence. Also we will

The Dak Prescott Summer of Maturity: Chapter 3

EXT. OSTENTATIOUS SUBURBAN MANSION - DAY NARRATOR [voiceover]: ...about that time, Ray and Aqib had just finished a game of mailbox baseball. RAY: ...it's really not a good idea for you to be waving your piece around like that. AQIB: [tucks a handgun back into his waistband] Yeah, well who ever heard of using

The Dak Prescott Summer of Maturity: Chapter 2

EXT. A ROADSIDE IN RURAL NEW JERSEY - DAY CAM NEWTON, ELI MANNING, DOUG MARTIN, and ANTONIO BROWN stand glumly in front of the wreckage of a black pickup truck. CAM: Okay, so maybe we can't drive... ANTONIO: Maybe we can call an Uber? CAM: None of those asshole drivers will accept a pickup from

The Dak Prescott Summer of Maturity: Chapter 1

EXT. RURAL SURROUNDINGS - DAY We open with a wide shot of a vehicle parked at the edge of a field.  An orchestral version of a familiar song plays softly.  Cut to a closer shot of the vehicle, then another cut to its interior where we see the NARRATOR (Richard Dreyfus,

Your “OOOOOHHHHHH YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!” Tuesday Night Open Thread

WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?! FERMENTEDBEVERAGEHUMANMALEROBERT HAS AWAKENED BOLTMAN FROM HIS DEEP, DARK SLUMBER WITHIN THE BOWELS OF SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION QUALCOMM JACK MURPHY STADIUM, DEMANDING HIS DECREE ON THE DAILY HAPPENINGS OF THE MORTAL WORLD OF THE ACCURSED NFL! BOLTMAN WILL ASSURE YOU ALL THAT FERMENTEDBEVERAGEHUMANMALEROBERT'S MESSENGER MET A SLOW AND