Chapter 3: Dove Valley Elementary

Alex_Demote - April 22, 2023April 21, 2023

[chapter 1] [chapter 2] ---------- The school's front doors weren't supposed to be unlocked, but they opened freely at Russell Wilson's touch. The heavy metal doors clacked closed as the QB found himself alone in the atrium of Dove Valley Elementary. Though it was a lively place during the day, the charm and

Chapter 2: Searching Dove Valley

Alex_Demote - April 21, 2023April 21, 2023

[chapter 1] ---------- The pale glow of the parking lot's fluorescent light poles grew in the distance as Russell Wilson approached. Their brightness overpowered the dim trail markers that had illuminated his way through the golf course's carefully maintained copse of aspen. The lot's empty spaces, each traced with care by crisp

Chapter 1: Awake in Dove Valley

Alex_Demote - April 20, 2023April 20, 2023

Russell Wilson's golf cart tumbled helplessly, carried ever downward by the slope of the 5th green's approach. The sand trap's embrace was no softer than the laminated plastic seat cover now pressed obstinately to the flat of his cheek. Both the sand and the seat were a great deal more

Guttersnipe

BC Dick - March 21, 2023March 21, 2023

Finally, mercifully, we’ve almost reached the end. Only a couple more greasy gutters into which we must dip our collective fingers. Week 25 is upon us and according to the league webpage this will be the last night of regular play and then there will be some sort of “roll-off”

TALES FROM THE METEOR! — Retirement

Alex_Demote - February 9, 2023February 9, 2023

Editor’s Note: here at DFO, many of us are not satisfied with the Super Bowl matchup. For some of us, this is because we hate both teams at a level that rivals a lefty's hatred for regular-shaped scissors. For others, our seething hatred of one team is more than enough

Guttersnipe

BC Dick - January 24, 2023January 24, 2023

The list of “greatest” bowling movies is a very short one. I know of only two films that are either based on or feature a significant amount of bowling. Those, of course, are The Big Lebowski and Kingpin. The first and only list I looked at, from a reputable source,

Guttersnipe

BC Dick - January 17, 2023January 17, 2023

You know what really grinds my gears? Those people who make a big mewling deal about the name “soccer”. It’s called soccer in North America. We have a football already so we call the other one soccer. Just deal with it. Those who insist on calling it football as if they

Guttersnipe

BC Dick - December 13, 2022December 13, 2022

We played the babes of the bowling alley last Tuesday night. Usually they bowl in pyjamas. Tonight was a normal clothing affair, though. Mid twenties i would say, all of them. The rigours of age had yet to wear them down to the craggy, hump-backed crones that typically inhabit the

Guttersnipe

BC Dick - November 15, 2022November 15, 2022

If you can’t out-bowl ‘em, out-drink ‘em. That was the motto of my first bowling league, which I will describe in the absence of a league night recap. I was placed on the DL last week due to a non-bowling injury (illness). Rumour was it would have been a healthy

And all the Angels vomited: World Cup Preview. Switzerland!

DJ TAJ - November 9, 2022

You folks have, no doubt, heard of the game of soccer, haven’t you? Have you ever wondered how that game came to be? Well then sit right down, because Grandpa Stupid has a whopper of a story to tell you. Soccer, it turns out, began in a faraway land, across the

Guttersnipe

BC Dick - November 8, 2022November 8, 2022

Sweet Mother Mary, winter is here and it’s a righteous goddamn hassle. While apparently the milk-baggers out east in this fine country are enjoying the 20 degree weather we basked in for the month of October, November has come in angry with a sharp thumb to the anus of western

Chapter 2

DJ TAJ - November 2, 2022

Now where were we? Oh yes K Stew and I were just about to… According to locals the temperature of the water can reach up to 118 degrees in the summer. Some go as far to say that the heavy salt