Your Methadone Monday Evening Open thread

(I've used this type of headline before. I regret nothing.) It's both MLK Day & post-Conference Championship Monday, so anyone who can isn't working. NFL Notes: Tom Brady is stirring the pot to see what the Patriots will do. The final two years of Brady's contract will automatically void on the first

Love Not The Wronger

Sunday morning - a quiet suburban household before breakfast “Family meeting!” Each person in the house dreaded those words. No one likes talking about their feelings ever, unless there are cameras and a paycheque, and the situation is always worse when the person at the perceived centre of the tension refuses to

Your “Feed Me (Richard) Seymour!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Noise: It's mostly coaching news today: It was, according to PFT, "Love at first sight" between Jerry Jones & Mike McCarthy. BTW - worst Marvel pairing since Sue Storm & Matt Murdock. The Panthers are hiring Baylor's Matt Rhule as their new coach. It's a seven-year, $60 million deal, which

Dok Zymm – International Woman of Mystery – Chapter 1

Author's Note: This series of posts is borne out of my firm belief that Commentist Dok Zymm is actually a secret agent for a nefarious secret agency currently unknown to the general public or even Congress. Her current job serves as a perfect cover to gather intelligence while her

Balls on…The College Football Playoff

We just recently finished the semifinals and are eagerly awaiting the final and I don't think everyone is happy. This is where I usually come in. Let's just say the Balls-Signal went out. As usual, I will come in and either fix things or make them worse with everyone complaining about

Balls on… Miss Universe

Some of you may have heard about the latest controversy surrounding the Miss Universe pageant and pageants in general. To be fair, the whole concept of a beauty pageant is, in my opinion, akin to the concept of a college football national champion being crowned by secret votes and

Your “What If You Neither Walk Away Nor Run?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: The big news of the day is that Riverboat Ron got run out of town. Carolina fired him after a 5-7 start, behind a team that has thrown 15 TDs versus 11 interceptions, been sacked 45 times & given up an average of 23 points per game. He's

Deshaun of the Dead: Sunday Night Game Open Thread

So I've been on the road all day and have relatively little firsthand knowledge of what the shit went on this afternoon. A brief (aka halfass) recap after this important message: WOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ok. I'm good. I'm cool. So the Bills (WOOOO!) handed the Iggles a golden opportunity to pull even

Your “One Step Away From An Open Casting Call” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: When you see quotes about "bucks stopping with him", you know without looking someone asked Jerry Jones about his coaches.  "Disappointed is not the word. There’s no question that we were given an opportunity, there were things we could have taken advantage of," Jones said. It doesn't help

Your “Oh God – It Won’t Stop!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

I had to call in sick for school today. It's not that I can't keep anything down, it's that I can't keep anything in. Bear with me while I type this in a Tylenol haze. Plain rice for me! NFL Nuggets: Now ex-Dolphins RB Mark Walton was cut today after he

CrimeBeat!: An Existential Quandre Edition

It's that time again- time to examine the biggest NFL felonies (real or metaphorical) of the last couple of days weeks (gimme a break, new fatherhood is a bitch). It's CrimeBeat! and you will listen to EVERY LAST WORD I SAY! ACCUSED: Corbyn Nyemah CHARGE: Attempted Home Invasion, Property Damage, Cuckoldry Who is

Your “They Don’t Come For The Innocent, As None Exist Here” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: DeSean Jackson is done for the year, opting to get core muscle surgery to solve whatever's ailing him. According to Doug Pederson, what had been a small abdominal tear has turned into the muscle tearing completely off the bone. Also done for the year? Cam Newton, who has