“Even Sherman Thinks That’s Enough” – The Falcons Off Their Bye

The problem with following Senor's post about the Jets is that he used all the good words & euphemisms for "bad". But what about other teams that suck? The Atlanta Falcons surely qualify for such words, as they were in a Super Bowl as recently as... oh fuck it, here's the

#DisBelieveland: 2020 Cleveland Browns Bye Week Update

Quick: without looking at their record, are the Cleveland Browns a good team or a bad team?   Got an answer?   You're wrong.  Whichever way you answered, you're wrong.   Cleveland is a Limited Heisenberg Uncertainty Team: at any given time, you can know where they are, but you can't know where they are going.

Your “Eve Of The Apocalypse” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: Well, there's finally proof that COVID can cross over to the animal kingdom, as Broncos GM & noted equine hybrid John Elway has tested positive for the disease. Contact tracing appears to show the exposure came...from outside the building! Since the team facility is closed for election day,

Your “Who Really Cares At This Point?” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Tuesday football? A hobo-free Wednesday? Beerguy on a Thursday? Truly, these are the strangest of times. NFL Nuggets: The Ravens are apparently still pissed at the Bengals for going for the late field goal & robbing them of a shutout. Ravens DC Don “Wink” Martindale apparently yelled something the on-field mics

Your “Those Guys Are A Couple of Master Debaters” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: It begins: up to eight Titans players & personnel have tested positive for Corona virus. It's three new positive tests for players and five new positive tests for personnel. Outside linebackers coach and defensive playcaller Shane Bowen missed Sunday's game due to COVID protocols. They now have to

An Old Friend Comes Home

INTERIOR - SOFI STADIUM LOCKER ROOM, LOS ANGELES, CA  - SUNDAY AFTERNOON [LOCKER ROOM DOOR FLIES OPEN] DR. DAVID CHAO: [Visibly stumbling] HI [hic] EVERYSSBODYSSS! [The locker room is empty and offers no response] DR. DAVID CHAO: Oh, a little [hic] alonesh time for the [hic] Doctor and hsssh patient! [Pulls out flask and

Nobody’s Chargers 2020 Season Preview: No Control

INTERIOR – NONDESCRIPT DOMICILE, CARSON, CA – EVENING [A MAN sits alone on a couch in his living room, completely fixated on the TV in front of him, despite the fact that nothing particularly interesting is on it. His gaze is so intent, that he hardly blinks and certainly doesn't hear

I Can See Cleeeeeaarrrly Now, Tom Braaaaady’s Gone: 2020 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: Despite the overwhelmingly positive response to last year's All Interpretive Dance team preview, I have decided not to go back to that well a second year in a row.  Try to contain your disappointment.] So here it is.  It's finally happening.  Like Christmas morning, high school graduation and losing

The Burning Stream: Your 2020 Cleveland Browns Season Preview

Cleveland, Ohio is a wonderful city, bursting with many shining examples of culture, fine dining and friendly people. Every single word of that sentence is a filthy lie, except for "Cleveland," "Ohio" and "City."  And frankly, "city" is being generous.  I would have gone with "penal colony," except that usually requires

Your “The Greatest Crime? Looking Out For Others” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: The big news of the day is the speculation about whether the "Power 5" conferences will cancel their fall football seasons, and the ancillary impact that will have on the NFL. FYI - the "Power Five" are the ACC, Big-10, Big 12, Pac-12 and SEC. The ideal solution

Your “Something Approaching Normalcy” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes: Following Edmonton's lead, Washington will go by the nom de plume "Football Team" until they decide on a new name & logo.  And, starting tomorrow, they will begin the process of "retiring all Redskins branding from team properties," including FedEx Field and Redskins Park. They hope to

Your “Oh, So Now It’s Patriotic?!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Fun fact: he wanted the seal on the side to avoid being meme'd about blowjobs. NFL Nuggets: The turds are mad at the punch bowl: The NFL announced that all fans attending games this season will be required to wear "face coverings". That's if fans are allowed to attend in-person at