Welcome, everyone- it's Hate Week 2020 at DFO! It is my third-favorite time of the football year, trailing only Draftsmas Eve and P*triots Schadenfreude Day. Hate Will See Us Through. And there are so many, many things I loathe with a great and abiding passion. The P*triots. Alt-Nazis. People who don't pronounce
[Author's Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of healthy(ish) young men into Entertainment. Après moi le déluge de merde. Get hype.] Wyandotte. Shit. I'm only in Wyandotte. Every time, I think I'm going to wake up back in Midtown.... Everyone
I have gathered the DFO luminaries Gratliff and WhyEaglesWhy to assist me in breaking down the coming season. Q - How was your summer? Gratliff: I have not seen a sporting event I care about since the Flyers were eliminated in mid-March. I want to die. WhyEaglesWhy: WELL ACTUALLY, it’s winter here in the Land
[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community. Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,
Rainy City Football Chums Walkthrough Here we are at the beginning of another new season and lo, what promise it holds. More replays! Endless delays! And despite all this, many missed calls. Makes you wonder why you sat and watched three idiots blathering in a booth about a microscopic difference in
[Author's Note: In support of DFO's efforts to maintain its position at the bleeding edge of Blog Innovation, I have chosen to conduct this preview as a Pre-Post-Modern Impressionist visual meditation on man's inhumanity to man. Please tune in tomorrow for the Bills preview, which will be in the form
It's TIME, biznitches! Pre-Preseason Football is upon us. It is time to anesthetize ourselves to our misgivings and celebrate the unifying factor that brought us all here- NFL FOOBAW!!! WHEN AND WHERE TO WATCH: 8 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. God Fearing Time. NBC. WHERE: Canton, Ohio, because it is the "Hall of Fame Game."
[kid's entertainer walks onto stage to rabid applause] Entertainer: "HELLO OUT THERE, ALL MY LITTLE POOPSTERS!" Audience: "HELLO CAPTAIN SHITSTAIN!" C-Stain: "Oh! It's so lovely to see all my friends. There's Dookie in the front row." [camera pans to excited child wearing a "Don't Shit Where You Eat" t-shirt] C-Stain: "Boy, have I got a