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Dear Spawn:

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STORNG TAEK!!1!

Don T - June 21, 2020June 24, 2020

[Gulps from plastic jug of hard liquor] I can’t believe it’s been 7 hours since my first drink and you haven’t even TEXTED to wish me a Happy Father’s Day. The barkeep wouldn’t let me get a word in because he kept droning about his ingrate kids, so I returned home

Tagged 1000% FICTION Breaking Out Wordpress sarcasm font Father's Day No; YOU KIDS Are The Pathetic Ones

First Weekend Back? Derby Days

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King Hippo - June 20, 2020June 19, 2020

202

First off, I wish Everton had already played so I could use Dominic Calvert-Lewin's Black Lives Matter #9 shirt. But this will have to do. Full credit to the Premiership for taking on racial justice issues, with remarkable unity and moral clarity. I am proud to support this League. OF COURSE in

Tagged EPL Everton FOAR Reelz social justice muthafuckas

The One Where Hippo Kinda Sorta Thinks

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King Hippo - June 13, 2020June 12, 2020

157

I went by the office on Tuesday morning, to print some shit and sign my privilege license (practicing law, it's well complex, eh?). On my way out, I saw this storefront, and it spoke to me on multiple levels. No, I am not trying to riot shame, since everyone is 100% right

Tagged no really - FUCK YOU AMERICA social justice muthafuckas

Brandon Perna Kicks All The Derierre

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King Hippo - June 6, 2020June 5, 2020

107

Please, just watch/listen to this in full. We really need him in Most Glorious Commentist Party! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yGH7iE1Yvc Perhaps the most important takeaway...LISTEN. Just fucking listen to other humans when they are expressing real needs and concerns. Also, my esteem for badass Donks safety Justin Simmons somehow went even higher. Kraut and Imaginary Footy

Tagged Brandon Perna DAS RAYCESS Pretend Man City (no homo dream smh) social justice muthafuckas That's Good Donks WOO!!

It Will Be OK Eventually

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Don T - May 27, 2020May 27, 2020

I tried to get a “Wednesday Motivational” out of TWBS through a séance with my santero neighbors. Turns out the oracle (turtle) only knew Spanish. And, I was too high to translate. Sorry, I’m an atheist; had to take the edge off my snark to make it out alive. Still, it’s Wednesday,

Tagged Cash money Greed Roger Gooddell is an intergalactic disgrace Thank you tWBS

Commentist Cabin Fever

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Don T - April 23, 2020April 23, 2020

The banner is NOT a selfie—oh, hi! I'm Don McClure. You might remember me from group posts such as "It's Called 'Fútbol', You Bastards" and "Don't Say 'N*gg*r', Cr*ck*r!”. Today all I’m doing is the intro and random pics, because Dunstan, Col. Duke LaCrosse, and LemonJello bring you this dispatch

Tagged Fuck you COVID-19 Not a Quarantine; An Indefinitine

Cabin Fever: East Coast Regional

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Senor Weaselo - April 16, 2020April 15, 2020

HOST: Welcome everyone, to an other edition of "Quarantining Today." I'm your host, [name redacted], and we're checking in with some of our favorite DFO contributors to see how they're coping with the societal changes that the novel coronavirus pandemic has brought into their lives. With me today are Senor

Tagged Fuck you COVID-19 This is why we can't have nice things

Wednesday (Not As) Motivational (As I’d Like)

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Who Cares About My Opinion

theeWeeBabySeamus - April 15, 2020April 14, 2020

It's becoming more and more difficult. Medically speaking, this virus isn't the worst thing to ever affect the planet. Or the human race for that matter. Granted, it's been mismanaged from the top down. Which made it worse than it had to be. And to cover their asses, the top

Tagged tWBS needs an intervention

Wednesday Motivational – Live For Today

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theeWeeBabySeamus - April 8, 2020April 8, 2020

Author's Note: The following is partially based upon an email my elderly mother received from one of her elderly friends. I have altered the language in places to make it more relatable, or at least try, to our little group of DFO idiots. I have also added some of my

Tagged tWBS needs an intervention

Wednesday Motivational – Die On Your Feet, Not On Your Knees

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theeWeeBabySeamus - April 1, 2020April 1, 2020

Someone close to me died recently. Sadly, it was his choice. And as best I can tell he made that choice because he didn't like himself. Or thought other people didn't like him. Either way, that sucks. He couldn't help it. Intellectually I understand that. Emotionally, I'm still pretty broken up.

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Wednesday Motivational – Please Do Whatever You Can

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theeWeeBabySeamus - March 25, 2020March 25, 2020

We're living in odd times right now. This virus isn't going to be the end of mankind. I promise. But it has changed just about everyone's way of life. At least for the time being. Restrictions on social interactions. Restrictions on travel. Nearly every sporting event cancelled or postponed. And school closings. When

Tagged tWBS needs an intervention

Wednesday Motivational – Sometimes It Takes A While But Getting There Is Worth It

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theeWeeBabySeamus - March 11, 2020March 10, 2020

I read a very good book yesterday. Advanced copy. I love knowing people who can steal things for me. I'm only just joking about the stealing. She works in the publishing industry, it was legal. But the book has only just been released. Its author is Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt. Yes, her father is Arnold.

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