[Author's Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of healthy(ish) young men into Entertainment. Après moi le déluge de merde. Get hype.] Wyandotte. Shit. I'm only in Wyandotte. Every time, I think I'm going to wake up back in Midtown.... Everyone
Team Previews
Paranormal Wattivity….. Your 2019 Texans Preview
The Scene: a Dark Room, what kind of room, you may ask? A room that would be at an NFL facility. Just use your imagination... A hooded figure sits at the Ouija Board, slowly moving the little magnifying glass thingy, apparently trying to divulge its secrets... "Oh little magnifying glass thingy, tell
A Slightly Informed 2019 Green Bay Packers Preview
So It’s Come To This: The 2019 Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview
You Philistines Don’t Deserve Marcus MarioTa – Titans 2019 Preview
A lot to unpack there! First, hey Fox: fuck you for the misspelling. I’m gonna speculate that the graphics guy was an older feller who thought “Sounds like Torretta, Ruthless Posse WOOO”, and didn’t name check out of self-satisfaction (“I can’t be racist, I know Italians!”). Too much? Listen, you misspell
2019 Minnesota Vikings Team Preview.
Interior: Vikings draft room just prior to the 2019 NFL draft. Rick Spielman: "Alright guys. This is it. Our final draft board. Let's go over this one last time. I'm thinking interior offensive lineman first round. Our offensive line was ranked 23rd last year and we were hammered with injuries. We've
What Kind of Circus Features Kickers? Your 2019 Chicago Bears Preview
Awesome Photoshop courtesy of Low Commander of the Super Soldiers Ah, the NFL offseason, always filled with optimism, Dan Snyderschadenfraude, and this year, a veritable Who's That? of placekickers taking a ride on the Chicago Bears carousel. Do you remember how last season ended? I wonder if anyone in Chicago has? Let's take a
All Apologies to Lewis Carroll: The DFO Indianapolis Colts 2019 Preview
THE ANDREWLUCKY ’Twas brillig, and the boring Colts Did gyre and gimble in the 'Nap: All drunkish were the cheering dolts, Gravy'd sacks of fatty crap. ω “Protect the AndrewLuck, my son! The fragile arm, the aching back! Beware the Watt and Clowney pair, And hand it off to Mack!” ω He took his ovoid ball in
No One’s Chargers 2019 Preview: Top Bolt
INTERIOR - CHARGERS WAR ROOM, MIRA MAR, CA - MIDDAY MAJ. TOM TELESCO: [Walking in] Good morning Tony. COMM. ANTHONY LYNN: Morning Tom. RADIO: Ghost Audience, we have an unknown aircraft entering our airspace. Vector 405 for bogey. TELESCO: Who's up there? LYNN: Rivers, Gordon, Bosa and Allen. EXTERIOR - THE SKIES ABOVE SAN DIEGO COUNTY CAPT. RIVERS: YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODDDDDYYYYYY
Saints Team Preview 2019
The Picture of Tom Brady: Your 2019 New England Patriots Season Preview
Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview
[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community. Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,