Commentist Beer Barrel: I’ve Had A Few Budweisers

That’s the season, then. Just about a week ago, with either relief or chagrin, we all watched one of the NFL’s most accomplished quarterbacks ride off into the sunset with a world championship and the short and sweet declaration, “I’m going to Disneyworld!”

Wait. Peyton. Wait. You pronounced “Disneyworld” wrong. Like, really, really wrong.

Peyton. You did it again. I could swear that instead of “Disneyworld” you were saying “drink a lot of beers, a lot of Budweisers.”

Oh. Oh. Oh shit. God dammit Peyton, you know you’re not allowed to endorse a beer, right? There are rules. Peyton? Fucking hell, man.

Whatever. Here we are. Peyton Manning, my favorite quarterback since John Elway and, in my estimation, the best quarterback ever to have played the game, took his curtain call somewhere in the midst of a flurry of guerilla advertisements for his Papa John’s franchises and Anheuser-Busch distributorship. Sorry, guys, it’s over. Darren Rovellbot and his minions have won. It’s the offseason now and everything is horrible forever amd I’m reviewing Budweiser.

Sort of, anyway. I’m drinking the other Budweiser.

You see, long before America’s Beer, the King of Beers, the Genuine Article, “Budweiser” was just the natural way to refer to a beer originating in the Czech city of České Budějovice (also known as Budweis). America’s first Budweiser wasn’t the one we all know today or the one I’m drinking right now, but a third beer produced by Budweiser Bier Bürgerbräu, first imported into the U.S. a year or so before Anheuser-Busch started selling its own flagship beer as Budweiser in 1876. The Budweiser that I’ve got, Budweiser Budvar, was first produced in 1895 by a state-owned brewery in Budweis. Ever since, the Budweiser name has been the subject of a string of trademark disputes, which have more or less resolved themselves into an arrangement where AB’s Budweiser goes by Bud in Europe, and Budweiser Budvar goes by Czechvar in North America. If I’ve successfully lost you by this point: This is a review of Budweiser Budvar, or Czechvar.

So, Budweiser Budvar is Czech. and it’s a pilsner, and boy is it ever a Czech pilsner, as distinguished from its German brethren by a balance that leans more to hops than malt. Now, I’d like to hope a lot of you read my uncharacteristically brief review of Real Ale Hans’ Pils. If you did, you may recall that hoppiness is not the same thing in a pilsner as it is in those IPAs you either love or hate. This is a more refined hop flavor, crisp rather than bitter, herbal rather than fruity. Budweiser nails that balance. The beer’s a bit bready on the nose, in the way a German pilsner would be, but that note’s utterly absent when it hits the tongue, leaving a dry, clean, clear taste that, like with most good pilsners, is in the end difficult to define beyond “tastes good and like beer.” Big Beer has almost entirely co-opted (or coöpted, if we’ve got any New Yorker readers here) the adjective “refreshing.” That’s an offense not merely against beer, but against language, in my book; nothing in Anheuser-Busch’s extensive lineup of corn-based beer-adjacent soda pops will quench your thirst like Budweiser Budvar. If you’ve the audacity to demand a real pilsner instead of a both figuratively and literally pale imitation, this Bud is actually for you.

lady snow: Well, that’s way better than American Budweiser. If American Budweiser tasted like this, I’d have been in trouble back in college.

make it snow: I’d have lost at beer pong on purpose.

lady snow: I’d have floated whole kegs by myself.

make it snow: I’d have… actually saved some money my senior year.

lady snow: Why did American breweries feel they needed to mess with this formula?

make it snow: Cost, right? They use corn for fermentable sugars because it’s cheaper than barley.

lady snow: Ugh. We have got to stop using corn for everything.

And that’s how lady snow lost the 2024 Iowa caucus.

tl;dr: I’ve had a few Budweisers.

Grade: It’s been a special night.

make it snow is an alot of beer who has never been paid by anyone to talk about beer. He had a few Budweisers while writing this review, it’s been a special day. He’s interested to know if there’s anything you guys would like to see reviewed this offseason. Let him know in the comments or on Twitter @makeitsnowondem.

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makeitsnowondem
make it snow is an alot of beer. He is also a Broncos fan living in Denver.
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[…] imported beers in the Beer Barrel. I know, off the top of my head, that I’ve written about Czechvar and Chimay Grande Reserve and Kulmbacher Eisbock and Fullers ESB, all of which are […]

Unsurprised

Has original Budweiser gone downhill since it was purchased by AB-InBev?

Sill Bimmons

Budweiser also uses rice for cheap fermentable starch.

Not a very Yurpeen grain.

Sill Bimmons

One of my top 10 because I had it so long before it was cool (1991).

Porky Prime

I wasn’t sure where to post this or if I should but here goes. I’m not on Facebook. My wife (getting to her in a second) is. Once you get past the initial outpouring of grief and affection it seems to (here’s where I get cynical) devolve into a sea of sleeve-tearing, look-at-me posts that seem to be less about helping and more about the appearance of how helpful you would be if you were there (but you’re not, and no one should be mad about that). Worse still is the second hand misinformation, and whether it’s positive or negative, it’s dangerous because important information is, y’know, important.

My wife is three feet away from me in a hospital bed. On February 14th, at about 1030pm MST (not long after my last stupid DFO post), she complained of a massive headache. She vomited and collapsed, the victim of an aneurysm. I sent my 3 year old upstairs to stand near his sleeping baby sister, hoping he hadn’t seen Mommy slump over the table. 911 had the paramedics there in maybe seven minutes and we were at the nearest hospital in another ten. From there she was airlifted to UNM Hospital because they have the best Neuro unit in the state. She’s been here since. But for a short shower break, I’ve been here too.

The good news is, she’s mobile. Movement in all extremities and she is occasionally lucid enough to give a thumbs up, a nod, or even a little leg push to help the nurse move her. Strong enough to require 4 security guards to hold her down prior to surgery. The best case scenario is a truly full recovery.

But.

The other side of it is, she could still very well die or be paralysed in a wild variety of ways, as she already would have had she not been with me or another adult when she was stricken. She has half her hair shaved off, and a device called a Hummingbird plugged into the top of her skull to monitor and relieve cranial pressure, which comes and goes with seemingly every little change. They’ll be doing a second angiogram to assess her healing, which in itself can cause another bleed. And she’s had a tube in her throat this whole time, so who knows if her speech has been affected? To top it off I have no idea what my two small children are thinking because I’m staying away from them so as to not remind them of their missing mother.

Simply put, these are the worst days of our lives. I have no idea what to do about anything except sit here and hope to God…and Science…that she pulls through with at least some semblance of her old self.

I pick up my wife’s phone when it beeps and I see the outpouring of affection on Facebook. Which brings me around to the first part. I watch it turn into a mishmash of genuine hope and heart mixed with annoying cliches and self-serving posturing. Worst of all, the information ranges from “omg she had a full on paralysis stroke” to “praise mighty Jesus she’s going to be okay” and really, neither of those things were ever said by the people who have actually seen her and talked to the professionals. It passes me off no end.

But on the other hand, I can’t say enough about the pros. From the paramedics who got here out, to the neurosurgeon who expertly closed the bleed, to the nurses who gently treat and soothe her agonies, and everyone in between, they have all brought the thunder and given her the best fighting chance she’s going to have.

I don’t know why I brought my troubles here. Maybe I just can’t articulate these thoughts without a keyboard. Maybe I can’t say these things out loud because of superstition. But I had to spill my guts somewhere, and DFO is as good as anywhere.

Thanks for reading. Keep my beautiful wife in your thoughts. No, not like that. See what I did there?

Talk to you all later.

Much love,

Mark

blaxabbath

Props to you for being proactive in the moment. It sounds like you’ve done as much as you could (which is a lot, actually) since the moment of the event and that’s gotten you both this far.

As far as facebook people, they’re as imaginary as those of us on here. Don’t bother yourself with anything they put up; it’s hard enough to decipher stuff online when it’s not a serious situation. If the phone alerts are a problem, just turn them off on the settings. I assume anyone that matters has your/her actual phone numbers.

Or troll the hell out of them. Whatever you want. You’re pretty much blameless right now and it is one way to pass the time.

laserguru

Love right back at you. Wishing for the best for you and the wife.
We are here if you need to talk.

Beerguyrob

Hey man, be strong. The Commentists are here for you.

As for Facebook, just go on once a day, provide an update, thank people for the support, and then close the window. Don’t read anything in the comments. Having been through something like that with a relative, the comments – although well meant – can be just as acidic as on YouTube, if you’re not ready for that at the time. When things are better or more normal, the last thing you want is grief because you lashed out at the wrong person or about a misunderstood sentiment.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mark/Porky, I can add but little to what has already been said here. Share as much or as little with you want here or with your wife’s fb friends or wherever. No one can truly understand what you’re going through but you, and the most important thing is to be there for your wife and children as you deal with this. We’ll send love and thoughts, you can get dick jokes and ask for distraction or support or anything else you might need at the time.

Don T

Damn, that’s terrible. Your resolve is admirable, especially when there is so little that is within your control. My only hope is that your wife turns out OK and that you find the strength and clarity of mind to carry on for the benefit of your kids, and yourself.
Love you right back Mark. Nothing but the best wishes for you and your family.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Fuckery.

Keep hanging on, Mark. She sounds like a fighter, and that’s the best thing she can be right now. Vent here with all the horrific things you want to think or say but can’t in real life.

In the meantime, you have to take care of yourself as well. Eat as much as you can deal with. Get as much sleep as you can manage. Spend some time with your kids- they need to see how to deal with the deep, deep shit without going to pieces. I’m going to bet your wife is going to be pissed if you’re all mangy and sick when she starts getting better.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At risk of turning this into a facebook-like chain of sympathy messages, let me say that I genuinely hope things turn out okay.

WCS

We’re hoping for the best for you and your family. Stay strong.

King Hippo

Just hang in there as best you can. Sounds like you did a masterful job triaging an impossible situation in real time. Families look out for one another, and you taught your kids that, and are still teaching them that. They will understand when older.

Amen on what emergency health care professionals can do. Living, breathing saints walking amongst us. Makes one almost have faith in humanity again.

The Maestro

Shit dude. I’m so sorry. We’re all so sorry.

I dunno if you’re a God kinda guy (and it’s fine if you’re not) but I’ll be saying a little prayer all the same for you.

Sincerely hope for nothing but the best for all of you.

SonOfSpam

Jesus. Hoping all the best for you and your family. I doubt a DFO meet-up in the hospital room would help things, but we’re at least with you in spirit. Also, I totally get why you’d post this here.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Hey honey, here are some of my imaginary friends from the Internet. They brought you some beer and dick jokes.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said. When my dad had a stroke he was on the floor for four hours before my mom got home from work; you being on top of things needed to happen. The best to your wife in her recovery.

ThePirateSloth

Stay strong Mark. Know that you can come here to say anything you want, we’re all here for you in any way you need. As far as I am concerned, you are a damned hero.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Please keep us updated if you have the time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Mark,

I wish you the best. My mom went through the same thing when she was on a cruise in the Pacific off Mexico. The reason she is alive today is because my parents were having dinner with paramedics who knew what to do. She was airlifted to San Diego and spent several months there. It was truly the worst time of my life.

The path back, along the best case scenario, is difficult. I am glad that you have her in the best care possible. This is one of those circumstances where it really matters that Dr. Nick is not on the case. If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It sounds like you already know this, but you are allowed to lean on any friends or family right now. Something as simple as getting a hot bagel or fresh clothes dropped off, or even just a call to talk can make a world of difference. Don’t feel like you need to go through this alone. The people who love you will pick up the slack.

Horatio Cornblower

My best to you and your family during this time.

Be gentle with the Facebook folks; they’re doing the best they can. They mean well anyway.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Though not due to an aneurysm, I’ve been where you are. And like people told me then (and I ignored them, just like you’ll ignore me….and understandably) you’re under a great deal of stress so be sure to take care of yourself as far as eating and resting.

Having said that, I’d be more than willing to be available as an empathetic ear if you find you might need one.

Sounds like the Missus is showing some encouraging signs. Hold onto that for now.

Cuntler

So… What does this have to with Budweiser? Thread jack much?

/This is my worst nightmare come to life. My best for a speedy recovery to your wife. Jesus, that is sad. I’ve got no words.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I feel compelled to offer you some kind of advice or sage words, but I don’t think I am qualified to do so. Based on what you said, I have faith that you are doing and will continue to do the right things for you and your family. Wishing you good things.

Doktor Zymm

Hoping for the best possible outcome. Glad your wife is in the hands of excellent doctors, and not doktors! (Though if you need any math done I would be happy to help)

Sill Bimmons

I saw this after I posted about the stupid beer.

All my best for your best.

Unsurprised

Oh, Jesus God. I kind of still know some people at UNM/H. If you need ANYTHING, let me know.

Doktor Zymm

http://www.amazon.com/Under-Influence-Unauthorized-Anheuser-Busch-Dynasty/dp/0380718472

This is a surprisingly good read. The weird part is, they were actually really concerned about the taste of their beer up until almost the end of the company being family owned. I’ve never had a pre-Inbev Budweiser, so I don’t know if they’re any better, but it seems like they might have been. Of course, they were still huge, and the way to cater to the American palate at the time was blandness, so it may merely have been less offensive. Also included as a side bonus, the incident that killed Pabst market share, setting it up to become a hipster beer!

blaxabbath

And there is no hold at the library!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I need to go back and see what you said about Norwahl since I brought it up on Thanksgiving, not that my post was noticeable, but I did like it.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Narwhal?

comment image

Note: that human is up to no good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jesus, how bad of a typo was that? Spellcheck didn’t say a peep. They are complicit in this humiliation.

Don T

Heineken Dark

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve had this beer in Prague. It is indeed delicious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure I had this at the Rolling Rock Tap House.

Several things from that night are a bit vague.

WhyEaglesWhy

I’ve always meant to try Czechvar. Porters and other dark beers are my favorites, but in the summer I like a lighter beer. I really like Peroni when it’s hot (stop throwing batteries at me!) but this sounds refreshing AND very flavorful.