Copa America Centenario Preview – Group B – Brasil (aka, Brazil Plays Futbol)

This is best read with Matty Moyer’s voice in mind.  For reference….

Brazil plays soccer. Oh shit…I mean Futbol.

Brazilian citizens like soccer. Oh shit…I mean Futbol.

Brazil has had a rich tradition in the international soccer (dammit….Futbol!!!!!) world…but not lately as much.

Brazil has won 5 World Cup titles (but not since 2002).

Brazil has won 8 Copa America titles (but not since 2007).

Brazil is currently ranked #7 internationally by FIFA (if you can trust THOSE assholes).

Brazil is in group B of the 2016 Copa America, along with Ecuador, Haiti and Peru.

I’ve never been to any of those countries. Or Brazil either, for that matter.  I need to travel more.

Though my aunt and uncle did spend a month in Ecuador this past winter/spring. I don’t talk to them much though so I still don’t know much about Ecuador. They live in Alaska. In Alaska, they don’t play much soccer. Oh Shit…I mean Futbol.

And that’s all I know about Brazilian (giggity) soccer (translation…I got bored with wikipedia and started searching for porn). Oh shit…I mean Futbol.

But here is ESPN’s Jason Davis (no idea who that is) to tell you more.  He allegedly knows more about soccer (DAMMIT!!!!) and Brazil than I do….

Copa America Group B: Brazil, Ecuador aim for top spot, Peru looks to Surprise (ESPN.com)

It probably isn’t fair to Ecuador, or even Peru, to say that Group B is simply “the group of Brazil” but there’s no denying that a majority expects the Selecao to come out on top. Brazil, Ecuador and Peru will be joined by Haiti, the weakest of the CONCACAF teams taking part in the tournament, which makes Brazil’s road to the knockout stages all the more secure. With all signs pointing to Haiti being the recipient of some lopsided scorelines, the right to escape the group in second place probably will come down to Ecuador and Peru, and perhaps even goal differential.

[snip]

Must-see game: Brazil vs. Ecuador

The match between the group’s presumed favorites, Brazil vs. Ecuador on June 4 at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, is the opener for both teams. If one can manage to take three points, they will become the immediate favorite to win the group. A draw, on the other hand, will set the stage for a tense group stage that could depend on goal differentials against Peru and Haiti, with each team’s date against the latter looming particularly large.

Schedule:

  • Saturday, June 4 – Brazil vs Ecuador
  • Wednesday, June 8 – Brazil vs Haiti
  • Sunday, June 12 – Brazil vs Peru

This is not ‘Nam, this is Futbol…There are fucking RULES!!!!!!!!

(shut the fuck up, Donnie)

They also have some moderately attractive fans….

BrazilBeauty1

BrazilBeauty3

BrazilBeauty2

It’s not difficult to get distracted….

BrazilDistraction

Sometimes they even make multiple copies….you know, in case you wear out the first one and all….

BrazilTwins

Oh and they wear a buttload of yellow….so WCS probably likes them.

TeamBrasil

So, go Brazil. We’re all going Brazilian in honor of thee.

(wow, I sure as heck can’t link any of THOSE pics…grumble grumble)

((go ahead and make your choice early))

 

I think I’ll go Bermuda Triangle.  I mean it’s not like I’m not already lost most of the time anyway.

Damn, I can’t decide.

Also….don’t watch this…trust me….

/goes back to surfing for porn

//WOW…THAT’S A LOT OF BRAZILIANS

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theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Unsurprised

Did you know that Alessandra Ambrosio did a topless sex scene for a Brazilian soap opera? Look it up.

http://116.imagebam.com/download/TWoShTTyk_krsClxqXwAeQ/48019/480184173/aa003.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re making me work? You realize that I already do that half-assed (I’m not Brazilian, so it’s not full-assed) and they pay me for it. Now I have to do it for free??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There are others; the Christmas Tree, the Amazonian Jungle, the Hitler (similar to the Postage Stamp), etc.

Porky Prime

The Buckwheat in a Headlock?

ballsofsteelandfury

You can also do the Spanish exclamation point (inverted !)

jjfozz

But the “Rorschach”, you don’t ever want to see that in real life. Brrrrrr.

Porky Prime

Hurm.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Hare Krishna; shaved except for a ponytail in the back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Stubble.

ballsofsteelandfury

I still wonder what ever happened to Muff Stubble Girl…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

Sexy writeup!

Kind of a “funny” story about the hot Brazilian holding the Brazilian flag: I first saw this picture in 2002 during the Japan/Korea World Cup. Since then, this picture keeps popping up in “20XX Brazil fans at World Cup in X are hot as hell” threads.

As for Brazil, we’ll see how good their depth is when they half ass every game fielding their B/C squads.

I think a lot of prognosticators are underestimating how good Haiti is. They aren’t going to win the division, but, they’re going to give these teams fits, especially if they have a ref that lets more things go. They’ve beaten decent teams like Honduras and El Salvador in the past few months.

ballsofsteelandfury

Brazilians NEVER half ass anything.

http://extramagazin.ba/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/miss-boom-boom.jpg

Always full ass.

Covalent Blonde

And see this is why Covalent and her flat ass can never go to Brasil!
http://ragemaker.net/images/Female%20Blonde/blonde_okay.png

ballsofsteelandfury

What are you talking about? You climb mountains!

Covalent Blonde

Winning an arm wrestling competition is not the same as Brasilian buns! Climbing is great, but that doesn’t mean I don’t suffer from terminal white-girl-ass! Best case scenario it has given me nicely toned shoulders and cankles from always using my calves from heel-hooking.

Meh. I do what I can with my genetic defects.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nicely-toned shoulders?

Someone needs to hold back Hippo!

Don T

Brazil played hella scared as the 2014 World Cup hosts, and they don’t seem too interested in the South American Euros. Neymar won’t play, but will on the Olympics squad in August. I hope they don’t move on to the knockout round in both tourneys.

Wakezilla

Seriously. Brazil’s B squad looks ripe for the pickings to have Peru or Haiti to be that second team to advance.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Olympics is the one trophy/medal they have never won. They are putting all their eggs in that basket.

Now, if they fail on that, AT HOME…

Fronkenshteen

[looks up “Brazil” gifs]
http://i.giphy.com/cYGyAAXXoAYSY.gif
…….Jesus, I got nothing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That one didn’t show up when I did it…… there were a lot fewer dogs……..

Covalent Blonde

I vomit every time I see that. I mean I literally vomit.

ballsofsteelandfury

It took me a while to see it and when I did I was like, wait, was that what I thought it was?

jjfozz

Somewhere there’s a Great Dane looking at this video and planning his revenge

jjfozz

My friend dated this beautiful Brazilian woman.

Here is how he described her: “She is stunning. She is insane.”

Right on both counts. I’m not sure who enjoyed that relationship more, him, or me listening to the stories of said craziness. It was him cause he was getting laid.

blaxabbath

“She is insane.”

-Baltimore District Attorney’s Office Motto

jjfozz

“She is an incompetent fool.”

ballsofsteelandfury

I can verify that this is a true statement. I too have a friend that dated a Brazilian.