My tv preview thingy tells me that this game is being shown on The NFL Network. This is the game that was chosen to be highlighted for the first Sunday-Nighter of the exhibition season? This game. This game? One of these teams doesn’t even exist!
Texans/49’ers-After getting kicked to the curb by the Eagles, (future-successful-college-coach that over-shot his talent) Chirp Kelly will attempt to weave his not-magic with the down-and-out San Franner’s. There’s a qb battle that he must decide between the likes of Kaep, Gabbert and the 16 yr-old that tosses the football (quite accurately, mind you) to the kid that runs the ball back to the field goal kicker as he practises his point-afters. Gabbert has a slight lead over the high-schooler. As far as the Texans are concerned, jump on Lamar Miller as soon as you can in your fantasy draft. Houston runs their rb’s into the ground with 300+ carries (see:Arian Foster) and if they have a modicum of talent (not looking at you, Alfred Blue) they tend to do well.
Well, that’s all I have for this game… what? Hold on, Salt N’ Pepa just called. They’re telling me that you commenters should, umm, PUSH IT REAL GOOD!
Hi, everybody!
Yes I am watching baseball.
Yes, I will flip a fucking table if the Cubs lose.
Yes, I think it’s weird that little parochial borough St. Louis INSISTS their biggest rival is a team that’s been dogshit for most of their lifetimes but can’t seem to explain why. (Hint: It’s how you make your little backwater seem important because you have a giant fucking chip on your shoulder that Chicago is the superior city.)
Also John Lackey’s teeth freak me out. They aren’t Suggs scary, but they’re pretty unsettling.
I may be clinically insane.
Jesus Christ what was I thinking making this meal today?
I’ve got the family over and they brought the cute girl with the boobs who was here for the Superbowl.
I am going to use my culinary prowess for the good of mankind.
And my penis.
Do what you gotta do to close the deal.
I think Dave Attel said it best when he said, “Thank you, slow gas leak!”
The QB passed the line of scrimmage…so the helmet to helmet it kosher cause concussions only happen in the backfield.
Link for Insanity League Two:
https://yho.com/nfl?l=619470&k=5954bdbd1c268776&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=25f223df0bbe78a1
I’m in this year! CHUH CHUH
/breaks out syzzyrup
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7da57zEJY1qi60mao1_500.png
I’ve never done any fantasy football. This seems like a ridiculous place to start. One could say…insane.
So…$1 bid on Blaine Gabbert just FOAR the volume work?? I mean, garbage time fucking counts just the same…
Fyvush Finkel died today…
The world sucks a bit more now…
Sunrise, sunset.
Oh, chip. You do love to give fans hope. Enjoy the year of hope, and the 4 years of shit, San Francisco.
A year? Did it start when he became HC?
Basically. Then they went to he playoffs on a 7-1 finish to the regular season, which built momentum for one of those great10-6 non-playoff seasons after dropping 3 of their last 4. Then all of Chip’s hard work gutting the team really paid off in his third season as philly’s brief glimpse of contention went out the window. It’s almost like getting rid of every star player you can find has a negative effect on overall performance. Hope Niners fans aren’t overly fond of their non-white players.
Yea sure he got a touchdown but does it really count against a team that doesn’t exist?
Need one player for DFO Insanity League One.
DM me your email and I’ll invite you.
DFO Insanity League Two is being created.
I would but I don’t want to get involved in fantasy football. I’m a Bengals fan. I don’t need more pain in my life.
You should try it.
Nobody cares, because nobody knows what they’re doing.
It’s just good fun, especially trying to fill Week 13 roster spots in a 20-team, 12-position league.
Here’s the link:
https://yho.com/nfl?l=619426&k=076076b4d4847cb1&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=a2b68160cadeadb4
Aw yeah, sign me up for that unnecessary neuroticism
http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/229/files/2013/07/chrisdavisadamjones.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adKorRYDnRk
This movie should be mandatory viewing every holiday season. This movie proactively made up for Vegas Vacation (which wasn’t completely terrible).
I’ve watched it in July.
I’ve watched 2 preseason games and just learned about the new touchback rule. Huh.
The Flow vs. Brock Lobster? This sounds like appointment television.
Hahahahaha….fuck you Buster Pussy. Take your intentional and go park your ass on 1st.
Buster pussy sounds like a porn name
Why do they do a commercial for blind people? How many blind people watch TV?
This game, I call it Pre-K Daycare because we’re going to learn how to count to three and then play some kickball.
Little stockbroker girl won.
Her takeaway? “This was a great return on my Chopped Junior investment. In one day I made $10,000!”
I’m not willing to murder minors.
Let me know when she hits 18.
/has never said that sentence before…no really
That sums up my parents and sister in a nutshell.
My younger brother lived in my parents’ basement for like 5 years without a job, doing stupid shit like stealing my truck and wrecking it while I was overseas and then claiming my identity when he got arrested so I ended up getting arrested when I returned to the US like 5 months later.
They kept shielding him from the consequences of his behavior…and then they wondered why he never would get his head out of his ass magically.
Press charges on him for stealing your identity. If you served overseas in the military, thank you for your service and charge him for impersonating someone in the military.
This was after I had gotten out and was working as a civilian. I ended up doing just that, but to the rest of the family, I was in the dog house for a while.
As much it embarrasses me to this day (though it shouldn’t I suppose), I can totally top your “shitty brother” story. Which is not to say that yours isn’t significant.
Just saying it could always be worse.
(and my story of my brother might get shared in a post in the not too distant future)
That being said, mine never did cause me to get arrested. So maybe I should rethink my opinion.
I realize I am one of the only people that give a shit about women’s gymnastics…but fuck all of you…I’m gonna talk about it.
So the US one both the team gold and gold/silver for the individual all-around…which the only reason we didn’t also win bronze was because only two people from each qualifying team is allowed to participate in the all around.
Now is the individual events, in particular tonight, the vault. This have their own qualifying…so there are participants in the event that were not on a team. One of the more interesting people is Hong Un-jong, seen here committing a major crime against the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea by having a selfie with a South Korean athlete…
Hong is a prime example of a head hunter. Basically a gymnast that ONLY does one event and masters it. There is very little information about her except her results in other events (not Olympics) where she has had a lot of success…but she kind of disappeared as the North Korean government kept doing shady shit with birth records and were banned.
She is a world champ at the vault…and has never been allowed to give an interview. Should be interesting to see how she…GODDAMN IT I ALREADY KNOW THE RESULTS BECAUSE NBC IS FUCKING INSANE AND FELT THE NEED TO TAPE DELAY A FUCKING EVENT THAT HAPPENED AT LUNCH TIME ON A FUCKING SUNDAY!!!!
It’s not that a lot of us don’t care about women’s gymnastics, it’s that some of us might violate our probation orders by talking about it.
Hah!
Zach Britton better not fuck this up.
Otherwise Schoop misses out on the best blowjob ever.
Glad to see that Lily was just on hiatus:
Lily gave birth to many fantasies about cell phones I didn’t know I had.
Verizon Plan B?
Jonathon schoop, I will fellate you when you when you get back to baltimore you sexy motherfucker.
8-7 baltimore. Suck it.
Alright, I’m on vacation. I don’t work tomorrow. So for the first time ever in a KSK/DFO thread:
(cracks open bottle of booze)
LET’S DO THIS!
Umpires fucking suck. Can’t believe I ever thought about becoming one.
Chris Davis would have been justified there to have murdered that fuckstick with a Louisville Slugger.
I’d have paid his legal defense.
/remembers Chris Davis is a fuckton richer than me
//never mind
BEST. FLIP. EVER.
(as far as my cold black heart is concerned)
I watched the Pittsburgh Pirates 19th Inning “Safe” call. If I was the catcher, I would have shoved the referee and would’ve taken my year long suspension with honor.
Torpedoed the .500 season:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tf9hESapp64
To this day, I’m nauseated by that call.
And I’m not even a Pirates fan.
http://www.aaa-multimedia.com/images/ovion01.jpg
Prove my humanity? What if I have none?
OK, this is it for this shitty theme. I’m even annoying the shit out of myself at this point. Which isn’t rare, fwiw.
(can’t sing or pitch….get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2914487/carlysinker.gif
Not the worst…
http://31.media.tumblr.com/fcbfc2ab7ad9badc0801a7e940fecd1d/tumblr_n69jkg1hab1swupm2o1_500.gif
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmZvOhHF85I&w=560&h=315%5D
I’m watching a Chopped Junior with the most charmingly obnoxious little future Trump voter.
Chopped Judge: “What do you want to do?”
Thirteen-Year-Old Girl: “I want to be a stockbroker. I want to make my own money.”
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/random-ness/images/3/3b/Now-wait-a-minute-o.gif
My niece loves that show. I watch it with her. But it annoys the living shit out of me if I’m being honest.
Then again, most things do.
/might be a huge dick
I really am genuinely sorry about this one, as far as you know.
A very good real life friend sent me this a few yrs ago, because he’s huge dick (like me) and wanted to get it stuck in my head. Which he did. And now, I pay it forward to you fine folks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPgvNlrBfb0
Seriously…I wish the British would stop trying to export pop artists to the US.
Sonofawhoor!!!!!
So close to taking the lead.
Fuck you in advance, CB.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6bbe1f293f7d3c15b6ce93ed88adbac8/tumblr_o8yz5tL5gS1u17vtqo4_540.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/5ea58ba7a9bdedb18cbfc86d5b9d0d42/tumblr_o8iyxyJQNL1rxpytqo4_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/5b63ba36ecc3541ce9811b2cafeb8179/tumblr_o8iyxyJQNL1rxpytqo1_500.gif
http://24.media.tumblr.com/18ac0d8c4a8a21b6e3768bd795b5f093/tumblr_mfmzhkILix1qc6flao1_500.gif
I’m really sorry for this(no I’m not)…but I just…can’t…not.
(next one’s worst, trust me)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA
(False) hope rising. Mark Trumbo you sexy motherfucker.
Tying run comes to plate.
Might be time to start drinking. One way or the other, drinking will make this better.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/b773c34ab0af0032f26dd6a78328a2b8/tumblr_nrfr9jbyZI1sjfoovo1_400.gif
OK, that’s a lie; this is more like my neighborhood
http://67.media.tumblr.com/67f7eebb2b2493386c4e08cfa5868a6a/tumblr_inline_o8ulpbYlIa1qca76a_500.gif
Better example of her voice? No, probably not. But brief glimpse of Katy Perry in her underwear so….wooo!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98WtmW-lfeE
Welp, leaving New England. Can’t wait to fly back to DC and its 100+ degree heat index.
I never did get my weed and hookers.
I don’t even know who you are anymore.
At least I THINK she can sing. Forgot how much autotune was on this track.
Still love it tho.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqarXvTf_jU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HX5-ulcdXc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReD2351GKEA&list=PLqDBF7wlqFhrA528M2_ZUo_EtXZD8HFkZ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ITsivZ_lCo&list=PLqDBF7wlqFhrA528M2_ZUo_EtXZD8HFkZ&index=6
Don’t know why that posted twice.
Bcuz you could. DUH?????
Even though I already know the results, i am watching the Women’s Vault. I am hoping that NBC shows more than say…30 minutes of it…Who am I kidding…fucking NBC would fuck up broadcasting a porno…
“Oh….OH….OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO YEEE”
Coming Thursdays this fall to NBC, it’s the madcap adventures of two wacky twentysomethings as they negotiate the highways and byways of Iowa’s largest city in “You’re Moines!”
Johnny Cueto can eat the whole bag too.
FML
Oh wait, lead cut to 4.
/still has hope
/yeah sit yo’ ass down Cueto
http://67.media.tumblr.com/daabea97e342104b92796fcac9cd332e/tumblr_o9co4u4D0V1rutx6lo1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/edb1b23f7dabde4fc77757fa525e46dc/tumblr_nuvfv9QD501utzq8lo1_500.gif
Yes, it appears my personal theme tonight is hot chicks who can’t sing.
Take the good with the bad.
Don’t make me hurt you.
She can sing.
Rarely if ever have I been more aroused by a chick with a head wound proceeding to drown in a hot tub.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YzabSdk7ZA
So, Rose Falcon is mildly attractive…
Not necessarily a good singer, tho. Tho not necessarily not. But twang and autotune are a bad combination.
But I digress….hot girl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn9oU0QVeCQ
A friend of mine had a great Facebook banner image that said, “Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.”
Now we’re talking (no…again, not the music)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06o-EYH9svs
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3c9351a64ef514d673deaf82bf0c37f3/tumblr_o9es2ffM3S1s09zx8o4_540.gif
And now everybody, Mr. Conway Twitty…
(overdone, but never fails to make me giggle)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Og1QRtcWdEY
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo9g49ddu21qabfx1o1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c4e7503c23b1e0032b08c88e0821083b/tumblr_o25xliuMji1rmuzyno1_540.jpg
I’m gonna presume that that was a reply fail and was intended for me below.
😉
No, it is intended for everybody’s use, particularly when also linking to various news stories. This is an item that should have factories overburdened in making.
*Rely fails a LOT tho.
I like your egalitarian attitude.
And yes, it does apply to most of us.
Prolly applies a lot more to the subjects of said news articles.
http://www.boyscoutstore.com/images/detailed/56/r011n00003new.jpg
Giants beating the hell outta my Orioles. Of course.
At least there’s still slim hope that the Niners pull a Niners.
Which will be the only thing standing between me and having to listen to CB’s particular line of shit.
/should know better than to talk shit before the fact
BaaaaackbackbackbacktothebottomoftheNFCWest
Oh wait, you meant Covalent Blonde, not Chris Berman. My mistake
The two became one another so gradually, I hardly noticed.