2016 Quotables (Week 1 – Results)

As I mentioned Tuesday, the format for the Quotables submissions ended up being a little wonky. When NFL Memes or Fox NFL Sunday steals this bit from us (“You commented on a post. Congratulations on signing up for The Herd Podcast RSS Feed!”), I’m sure their tech prowess/data mining software will make for a much smoother commenting experience. In the mean time, I’ll clean that up (somehow) but wanted to first thank everyone for some great submissions. In addition to the pages loading all weird, my crappy format also compiled all responses into a single file with no organization regarding which quote went with which gif so, if it makes you feel better, I just made more work for myself too.

results
So hunting to see which response went with which gif became as fun as a game of Cards Against Humanity except that I didn’t have to act bemused when the topic of transvestites inevitably came up (thanks, Brocky).

brocky
So, hopefully we can do this again next week. Now — onto some results!


"Is that a hair? It must be from when I got pounded by 11 guys back in February" -Trevor Semen
“Is that a hair? It must be from when I got pounded by 11 guys back in February” -Trevor Semen

“RGIII has completed more passes to the Eagles than Sam Bradford” -Duchess

“Schrödinger’s kick.” -ArmedandHammered

“Who knew the Army Corps of Engineers also builds defenses?” -JerBear50

“But was it an elite snap hitting him in the chest?” -Senor Weaselo

“Thanks to Terrance, Dallas was denied the chance to pull a Scott Norwood.” -Redley

“Athletic plays like this are too ‘urban’ for Chip Kelly’s offense” -BFC

“On the bright side, he didn’t have to watch the rest of that game.” -Bloody Lethal

Finally, some honorable mentions:

“There is no sound yet I can still hear Chris Berman ‘whooping’ followed by a reference to a song older than my dad.” -Duchess

“I’d be worried, usually when signals are this mixed, someone ends up sleeping with a transvestite.” -Brocky

“Where the fuck was that last year you overpaid asshat?????” -litre_cola

“New Orleans defense. Can’t stop attacks by air or sea.” -SunriseSunrise

“Darren Wilson: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS GOING FOR HIS GUN, SHOOT HIM” -Monty this seems strange to me

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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Schrodinger’s kick is pure awesome.

ballsofsteelandfury

Am I the only one that read the Word document on the right side above the girls in panties and bras?

That right there is some genius shit!

Senor Weaselo

I think that’s a transcript the Jon Benet ransom note. PLOT TWIST IT WAS BLAX.

/No it was not Blax

Senor Weaselo

Wow, really? I would have sworn you hilarious people would have come up with something better than me.

No, not you, I said the hilarious people.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Duchess

The flip into the ending.

litre_cola

Even reading my quote I feel my angst towards Demarco Murray. Hope he gets turf toe and is questionable all season for Tennessee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

An anger towards someone for no real reason, someone who can’t affect your quality of life in any real sense is good for the soul. With that in mind; Deion Luywnn Sanders Sr. NEEDS TO FUCKING DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

??????????????????????????????????????????nice quote??????????????????????????????????????????????

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t wait to see these as original jokes on NFLmemes.

/sorry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!!!

Also, greetings from the suburbs of Baltimore.
The current owners of my childhood home (they recently bought it from the people who bought it from my folks 30 yrs ago) have fucked it up royally. I might go burn it down. It would be an improvement.

Trim the fucking hedges you barbarians!!!! And where the fuck is my basketball hoop??? And what is up with that hideous fucking colour you painted it? Was home depot out of baby poop green???

smgdh

...

Interestingly, the house I grew up is in much better shape than when it was when I lived in it. Turns out the changes were necessary though: the house caught fire months after we left and needed a bunch of work to be fixed. It seems they took the chance to redo everything.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, these folks might have that chance before the weekend is over as well.
/heads to the gasoline and matches superstore

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

When my parents divorced and sold he first house I grew up in, because he’s an asshole, my father sprayed agent orange all over the lawns. I have no idea how he got it, but I ended up going to high school with someone who moved in afterwards. The lawn didn’t regrow for ten years.

...

It’s probably mostly my idiocy, but WordPress could make creating and saving a draft post more intuitive. Also, if I date something four days in the future, why the fuck would it appear published anyway?

Guh.

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Plus the suspense of reintroducing a beloved kharacter is ruined. 🙁

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

Hey, those anonymous comments were awesome!
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Unsurprised

Papa John’s? Oh no! The Manningbot Virus has claimed another victim. RIP blax’s PC

Trevor Semen

All you other losers can have participation trophies that will suddenly disappear and be replaced with blaxabbath’s autographed picture.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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That desktop needs more PornHub browser tabs.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I enjoyed this feature and would like to subscribe to its newsletter.

ArmedandHammered

Really liked the items behind the screenshot.

ArmedandHammered

Shit, I meant the spreadsheet in the screenshot. Only 5 hours till I can hit that 6 of Delirium Tremens and Fin Du Monde cooling in the fridge

Bloody Lethal

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Unsurprised

That first one made me guffaw on the train

Doktor Zymm

These are fantastic, some of the best #content I’ve seen on the internet!