Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – Finally! Some good footy!

Well, THAT was… something.

And now for something completely different!
And now for something completely different!

And WAY better!

Whoa, kids!  Have we got a new season of awesome Australian Rules Football for you!  There are a lot of exciting developments such as:  New updated league and team mobile apps, new and updated WatchAFL packages, MOAR games to watch for free, and a NEW AFL Women’s league!

Kaitlyn Ashmore, Brisbane Lions
Kaitlyn Ashmore, Brisbane Lions

All of that and more on

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

Where to begin?  Well, let’s start with how you can watch this wonderful sport on this side of the Pacific Ocean.  You can easily watch through the Internet using the WatchAFL app and a Season Pass.  The cost is $149 USD and it includes:

EVERY SINGLE MATCH LIVE

Every 2017 Toyota AFL Premiership Season and Finals Series match

Every 2017 JLT Community Series pre-season match

LIVE and On Demand with no ad-breaks during play

24/7 FOX FOOTY Channel – all the latest news, analysis and entertainment with Jonathan Brown, Eddie McGuire, Dermott Brereton and more

Major AFL events including the Brownlow Medal and AFL Draft

TOTAL CONTROL IN YOUR HANDS

Pause and rewind LIVE matches or choose where to start watching

No waiting around with instant full match replays

Never miss a match with pre and live match notifications

Spoiler-free with the ability to turn scores off

WATCH IT YOUR WAY

Available on your PC/Mac via the Watch AFL website

Available on iOS and Android mobile and tablet devices via the Watch AFL App

Watch on your TV with Airplay or Chromecast

Watch on two screens at the same time

The WatchAFL package this year has been taken over by Fox Sports Australia and new options for watching AFL-related content are now available.  This includes weekly preview and review shows as well as new ON-DEMAND viewing and the ability to use Chromecast to watch on regular-sized televisions.  It is way improved from previous years and has remained at the same price point.

Alternatively, you can become an International Member like many of us DFOers have become and have the WatchAFL package included in your membership.  The table below shows the different offers and perks offered to the international member for each club.  Each provides access to the entire WatchAFL package above plus some cool stuff!  Keep in mind that the conversion rate right now is $1.30 AUD to $1 USD, so it actually ends up being a better deal to join a club.

CLUB COST PERKS
Adelaide Crows $155 AUD Membership kit including Member lanyard, pin, sticker and magnet
Exclusive member email communications and special offers
Exclusive members 10% discount at CROWmania
Brisbane Lions TBD  TBD
Carlton Blues $170 AUD

> 2017 Membership Card (Excludes 2017 Flexi membership)

> Individual year of membership loyalty badge (based on your consecutive years of membership)

> Bumper Stickers

> Hardcopy Season Guide magazine (strictly one per household)

> Inside Carlton magazine (strictly one per household)

> Fixture Magnet (sent with Season Guide magazine – strictly one per household)

> Free entry to Northern Blues Visy Park home games

> Voting rights *

> Member discounts for the Carlton Shop – for additional info CLICK HERE! (excluding major event and match days)

> Exclusive Breaking News emails

> Weekly Team Selection emails

PLUS the choice of a Carlton Baseball Cap, Scarf, Beanie, 2 tickets, or a donation back to the club

Collingwood Magpies $175 AUD Personalised membership card
Lanyard and ticket wallet
Bumper Sticker
Member scarf*
Member cap*
Invitation to end of year Member Forum
Exclusive online content direct to your inbox
Two editions of ‘In Black and White’ magazine (digital version)
Access to ‘Member Only’ pricing on Club Merchandise and Memorabilia
Essendon Bombers $155 AUD 3 member-exclusive emails each week during the season
Member pack including bumper sticker, lapel pin (it’s back!) and cap
Junior pack includes drawstring bag, bag tag, bumper sticker and personalised birthday card
Full voting rights (18 years+)
Bomber Magazine
Access to member presale for weeks 1-3 finals when Essendon participate
10% discount on all full priced Essendon merchandise at any Bomber Shop location (exclusions apply)
Fremantle Dockers $150 AUD – Club member entitlements
– Subscription to Docker Magazine
Geelong Cats $160 AUD $50 AUD Cats Shop Voucher (can be redeemed online or in-store)
Exclusive news and offers*
10% discount at the Cats Shop^
Gold Coast Suns $168 AUD Member Pack
Access to GC SUNS v Port Adelaide in Shanghai, China – New in 2017
2017 Member Travel Mug – New in 2017
10% discount at the SUNS Shop
GWS Giants $158 AUD 2017 GIANTS member pack* including a GIANTS Member cap, member card and lanyard, bumper sticker and pen
Exclusive digital content send to you weekly during the season
Hawthorn Hawks $179 AUD

Member Choice item: Loyalty Scarf or Loyalty Cap NEW

Lanyard and card wallet

Hawks sticker sheet

Hawks fixture magnet

10% discount at Hawks Nest online

Melbourne Demons $199 AUD Personalised membership card, bumper sticker, lanyard, fixture magnet and scarf (optional)
Digital Version of the Season Guide (March) and Yearbook (December)
SMS Ins and Outs sent to your phone each week
Weekly email and video piece
North Melbourne Kangaroos $185 AUD  Member pack, including cap or scarf, lanyard and ticket wallet, bumper sticker and fixture magnet
Port Adelaide Power $165 AUD 2017 Member Pack
10% discount at the Port Store – instore, game day and online
Member exclusive emails and CEO updates
Member Voting Rights
Richmond Tigers $170 AUD Inclusion into Richmond’s Reward and Recognition program.
2017 membership scarf.
Access to exclusive 2017 member benefits
St. Kilda Saints $170 AUD

 Lanyard • Bumper Stickers • Loyalty Pin (all members) • PVC Bag

MEMBER CHOICE
• Scarf (default) • Cap • Donate your item to a Saints’ Community Partner

Inclusion into Crest Program – recognition of years of membership
Discounts on official saints merchandise from Saints Locker

Sydney Swans $205 AUD  2017 pack and benefits, including an ISC member cap
Sydney Swans member scarf
Exclusive Member Rewards and discounts
West Coast Eagles $170 AUD Weekly editions of Member eNews
Online Eagle Eye magazine subscription
Lanyard and membership card
Member pack
West Coast Eagles Team Store discounts
Western Bulldogs $185 AUD 2017 Membership pack – Includes members choice between a cap, scarf or beanie (whilst stock lasts)

Those are pretty good deals!  There are some headscratchers (looking at you, Melbourne and Sydney!) but there are also some real bargains.  My Geelong Cats membership, in particular, is practically nothing after the Cats store credit!  Speaking of, this is about as good a time as any to remind ourselves which DFOer supports which club:

Carlton Blues – King Hippo

Collingwood Magpies – JJ Fozz, Moose

Fremantle Dockers – Yeah Right

Geelong Cats – tWBS, Balls

North Melbourne Kangaroos – Sunrisesunrise

Port Adelaide Power – entropy, WhyEaglesWhy

St. Kilda Saints – Dok Zymm, Litre_cola

Sydney Swans – Sill Bimmons, Spanky Datass

Please let me know if I missed anyone. Last season, BFC, Blax, and SonofSpam joined in the fun of our Footy Tipping Contest.  It’s time to pick teams, boys! The rest of you DFOers should also pick a team, join the Footy Tipping Contest, and follow along, specially considering the great deals you get as International Members!  If you can’t decide which team to support, let me know in the comments and I may put together a special post to help you pick one.

***

On top of all the regular AFL action, we have a brand new AFL Women’s league that has started play!  All Women’s league games are being broadcast for free at the AFL website. The Women’s season has been conveniently placed for us in North America between the end of the NFL season and the beginning of the AFL regular season.  There is also some overlap with AFL pre-season matches (which are also being shown for free on the WatchAFL app!). Here is the schedule of all the games coming up in the next few weeks leading up to the start of the AFL Home and Away Season (All times Pacific):

AFL Schedule

Please note that AFL pre-season and AFL Women’s games are held at smaller parks/stadiums which actually make the visuals more interesting.  It’s like you get a little more of the Australian experience from your couch.

As you can see from the table, the Women’s 1st Round has already taken place this weekend.  Interest was so high that the opening game was sold out, people had to be turned away, and they may move future games to ensure everyone can attend!  Let’s ease our way back onto the AFL Beat with some game recaps:

The very first game in AFL Women’s was played between the Carlton Blues (no “Lady Blues” or any other denigrating/separating nickname, thankyouverymuch!) and the Collingwood Magpies.  The Pies started the game well and Jasmine Garner was able to get the very first AFL Women’s goal in the first:

Unfortunately, that was the ONLY goal the Pies would score all day as the Blues dominated the rest of the game on their way to a 46-11 victory at Ikon Park, Carlton’s traditional ground.  As this highlight package will show you, Darcy Vescio was clearly the Woman of the Match as she was all over the place getting possession of the footy and leading the scoring for both clubs:

In the second game of Round 1, the GWS Giants showed they are much better at hitting than the New York Jets against Tom Brady:

The Crows’ Erin Phillips got up and calmly converted the goal and led her team to the 48-12 home win.

In the third game, the Western Bulldogs hosted the Fremantle Dockers before another packed house.  In this one, the scoring was more balanced for the home team as all contributed to a convincing 44-12 victory.  Here is a good highlights package showing how Western dominated:

In the final game of the Round, Melbourne hosted Brisbane at Casey Fields. This game bucked the trend as it was relatively close and because the road team won! The Brisbane Lions overcame a driving rainstorm that actually caused a delay shortly before halftime due to a lightning strike that hit within 1 kilometer of the Fields.  The Lions were also very good at taking advantage of opportunities and limiting what the Demons could get off theirs.  Here is a good highlights package that shows not only the action on the field but the conditions with the rain:

I really miss playing in the rain.  It was so much fun when I was a kid!

It will be very interesting how things change this week in Round 2.  Three of the home teams dominated but I’m not sure if that is a function of the home field advantage or if the winning teams are really that much better than the losing teams.  Also, in footy, it can be difficult to turn momentum if you don’t have much experience.  That, more than anything, may explain the eerily similar scorelines for the first three Round 1 games.  The Lions-Demons outlier was a great even match most of the game.

It will be very interesting to see how this competition shapes up and how these teams distinguish themselves.  As it is, I am VERY happy to see women play the game with heart, ferocity, and a willingness to hit and get hit.  This is truly not a watered-down version of the men’s game.

***

During the next few weeks, I’ll start giving proper previews for the AFL season as well as continue to recap the AFL Women’s league.  BTW, did I mention that all Women’s games that are not part of double-headers with AFL pre-season games (all but 5) are free admission?  That’s how you grow a league!  Not by charging regular season prices for meaningless pre-season NFL games, Mr. National Disgrace!

As disappointed and disillusioned as I am by the NFL, I am excited by and looking forward to the AFL this year.  This league’s leadership really understands how to grow the game and the league and how to provide a game experience (on-field, online, and broadcast) that builds interest and loyalty.  As I mentioned at the top, this has included upgrading the AFL mobile app and the individual team mobile apps.  They are now equipped to handle video content in a more user-friendly way.

I hope more of you DFOers jump on the AFL Beat, check out some games, and pick a team to support.  It really is an amazing sport and it’s only getting better.

***

I’ll leave you with this week’s Pacific Heat dialogue exchange.  I don’t care that the US Internet thinks the show is crap, I think it’s hilarious:

From left, Chief, Zach, Maddie, Todd, Veronica, Kwong
From left, Chief, Zac, Maddie, Todd, Veronica, Kwong

Chief:  The only hope for us is to mount a rescue operation.

Todd: Us?!?  Surely it’s a job for the Army. Special Forces?

Chief: We need a group used to operating outside the law.

Todd:  Motorcycle gang?

Veronica: Union heavyweights?

Zac: Off-duty bouncers?

Chief:  No can do. If we want to see Maddie’s father alive, it’s up to us!

Todd:  And if we don’t want to see…

Maddie:  Todd!

Todd:  Well, I’m just canvassing the options!

“Canvassing the options” has definitely made it into my daily vocabulary.  See you next week!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, I’ve decided to pledge a loyalty. I’m going to root for the Essendon Hood Ornaments. My understanding is that they are pretty much the Cleveland Browns of the AFL.

[…] Last week,  I highly encouraged all the DFOers to pick a team to support as you would not only enjoy the sport more,  but you’d save money on the WatchAFL package. In the comments,  some of you said you may need a little help. […]

[…] 24- Did you know that the AFL is getting started soon? […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass

The only reason I picked Sydney Swans last AFL season is because Swansea Swans are my EPL squad and I’m just not that creative/smrt.
That said, WOOOOOO SWANS!!!!1!

Very excited for the AFL season.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
sunrisesunrise

I look forward to the Roos finishing in 7th place and getting destroyed in the finals.

After reading your previous review of Pacific Heat and calling it more Police Squad than Archer, I checked it out and totally agree. I enjoyed it and look forward to more episodes.

Shogun Marcus

I will watch as I am able. I will not commit to any team at this time. Don’t wanna bandwagon and besides being an outsider is fun. Looking forward to watching.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Well I’ll be damned. Turns out I’ve been a Port Adelaide fan for years without even knowing it!”

– Riley Cooper

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dick Spencer supports this logo and does not understand lightening.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

After looking at these women; erection status; Osmium diboride.

I can’t think very well and will adopt any team that is not taken and/ or the least supported. Maybe Hawthorn.

WOULD BANG OR HAVE HEAD CRUSHED BY THIGHS, EITHER IS FINE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will stick it in the pie again this year. This year they’ll be better!

I only said Adelaide because tWBS hates them.

That plus:
http://i.ucrazy.ru/files/pics/2016.05/13pdborka_vecher_50.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Almost forgot…Fuck Hawthorn.
(and now also Sydney)

SonOfSpam

After taking everything into account (by that I mean, picking a team that no one else has yet), I will be a bandwagon-fan-who-knows-nothing-about-the-sport of the Brisbane Lions.

I really like their club perks of “TBD” which I assume stands for “Tongue Bath Daily”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Dear Balls,

I am a red-blooded ‘Murican male who has never been to Australia and is convinced that kangaroos are routinely kept as housepets in lieu of cats. I have not picked an AFL team. I root for the Buffalo Bills in real football, the St. Louis BFIB in baseball, Tottenham in Lesser Football and the meteor in every Patriots/Jets game.

On the one hand, my pathos and comfort with being humiliated by my team’s so-close-yet-so-far-away playing styles (Bills and Tottenham) says St. Kilda or Richmond.

On the other hand, if I want to keep my theme of hating most of my fellow fans, it seems Collingwood is my best choice.

So my question to you is this: how do I get my not-at-all-made-up Australian girlfriend to do anal?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My technique is to hook up with her while she’s staying at the hostel where you manage the bar. Don’t give her a ride to Durban the next day, though, because she’ll get mad when you decline to hang out with her that evening and pester you about it until you finally admit that you can’t because the whole reason you drove up that way in the first place is because you have a date with a different girl that you hooked up with at the trance party on the beach two weeks earlier.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kilda Saints sounds like something Bill Swerski would say.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That might be enough to make me root for them

jjfozz

Also, I will follow the Crows, because their logo looks like a Ravens logo. If they fuck up, I’ll get in touch with Janae Rice so she can apologize.

jjfozz

As note, my day has felt like a year Planet Shit. But this, Australian women running around and looking hot, makes me feel better.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is the Australian Dollar likely to gain or lose value when Il Douche declares our existing trade agreements with them null and void because he reads the expression “kangaroo court” in a critical piece in the New York Times?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I always assumed “Australian Dollar” was just a funny euphemism for a testicle, like “Rocky Mountain Oyster”

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, and not to threadjack while doing so anyway but after finally getting into the office I discovered that one of our Patriots fans brought in cupcakes with the Patriots logo on them and that one of our non-Patriots fans, (which means there’s at least two of us because while I wish I did this I did not), had scraped all the logos off.

Horatio Cornblower

I hereby declare my allegiance to the Essendon Bombers. Are they any good? Don’t know. Do I know where Essendon is? I assume it’s in Australia. Do I have any connection to the team? I used to watch AFL all the time when ESPN carried it because it was either that or rodeo and Essendon is the only team name I remember. Also it doesn’t look like anyone else follows them so I assume I’m not jumping on any bandwagons. Am I going to sign up for anything or get up at ungodly hours of the morning to watch any games? Absolutely not.

But, for this season, whenever Essendon does anything good or bad you guys can praise and or heckle me accordingly.

Horatio Cornblower

Pfft! Call me when one of their stars tries to throat-stab another player with a pair of scissors.

Spanky Datass

+600 pounds of marijuana

laserguru

This league just gets it so much more than the NFL.
The spoiler free concept is brilliant. Trying to watch an NFL game without seeing the scores of other games is almost impossible.

King Hippo

Oh snap, Carlton is offering a baseball cap this season. Hippo likes a good baseball cap. I rotate mostly between Everton and Donks (mango with navy bill), I could use a third!

/I’m uh…less than alpha enough without wearing a scarf, thanks.

//The one allegiance for which I do not have a baseball cap? Most Glorious El beisbol Cardinals. Because WEIRDO. Or just because I haven’t found one I liked as much as the all navy with red logo version (bought during the reign of my favourite birdo, Bernard Gilkey) that I lost many moons ago.

///Fucking kids. Find me that replacement cap already.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also, I’m down to pick a team but need help. I believe yeah right tried to talk me into his fandom due to similarities to my Cubbies (if I remember correctly). St. Kilda as a team on the rise sounds good to me. I have two aussie coworkers, and they’re fans of Collingwood and West Coast, so they’re out, but a rival there would be good. I don’t want a wooden spoon contender but don’t want to be a bandwagoner either (though I did correctly pick and root for the Bulldogs at the end of the year). Thoughts?

laserguru

You sure as hell couldn’t be further from being a bandwagon fan choosing Fremantle.
Jesus, even the brand new women’s team got it’s ass kicked.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sorry to be TOO American, but doesn’t “Watch on two screens at the same time” mean 2 DFOers per subscription?

Horatio Cornblower

2 DFOers, 1 Screen. The sequel no one wanted.