Tonight’s Episode:

“In Heat “

He exited the stadium along with a crowd of others.  It was a quiet and somber mass of humanity as the Cubbies had dropped the Sunday game vs the Cardinals, thus losing the weekend series.

“This sure as shit ain’t like last year!!!!” one frustrated fan shouted.  The others grumbled in approval of the opinion.

Slowly, as the throngs of people began to thin out, he was able to begin making a bit more headway on his walk home.  But it was an uncomfortable walk.  Summer was moving in closer and closer, and the heat was beginning to fall over the city like a blanket.  By the time he arrived home he was tired and sweating and just wanted to cool off and have a drink.  He unlocked the front door and stepped inside the apartment.

Immediately, the heat inside hit him in the face and he only began to sweat more.  He checked the thermostat and immediately saw that while it was set at 74, the temperature in the apartment was reading 91 and the fan was not running.  He turned the system off and headed to the telephone.  Once the call was made, he settled onto the sofa in front of the small fan and waited.

Half an hour later, there is a knock at the door.  Startled out of a doze, he jumps up and moves to answer it.

“Wow, that was pretty fast,” he thinks to himself as he walks over and turns the knob.

[Door Flies Open]

Tiffany:  Hi there, Doll.  I’m Tiffany….

Tiffany:  Are you.. (looks at service order) …  Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli…..?  Wow, that’s a great name.

ICRM:  Yeah, thanks for coming so quick.  And you can call me ICRM for short.  It’s just sooooo hot in here!!!!!

Tiffany (Rubbing up closely to ICRM):  Actually, Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli….  I LIKE it longer.  And hotter, too.  But hopefully… not quick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9RCiWXcJsU

ICRM (nervously):  Heh heh.  Ooooookayyy……  So yeah, the thermostat is right over here and the fan wouldn’t run and….

Tiffany:  Don’t worry, Baby.  We’ll get you blown….ooops….I mean blowing again.  We like blowing.

ICRM:  We?

Tiffany:  Well sure, you’re a big job.  I can’t handle you by myself.

Knock Knock

[Door Flies Open]

Bambi:  Hi, I’m Bambi.  Is Tiffany in here?

ICRM (Pointing):  She’s ummmm….

Bambi:  Tiffy!!!!!!

The girls hug.  Then they kiss.  With tongues and everything.  ICRM stands speechless, watching, as the two turn to look at him with hunger in their eyes.

ICRM:  Yeah, so about the A/C?

Tiffany and Bambi giggle together, then Tiffany starts up the ladder.

Tiffany (to ICRM):  Can you spot me?  I need to climb up so I can look into your vent and ream it out.  Then later maybe you can look in mine and rea….

ICRM:  OK!!!!!  Sure I can help.  But I have to be honest.  You ladies are fun.  And very attractive, of course.  But I’m really beginning to wonder if you know what you’re doing?  I mean the tools for one thing.  Bambi has bolt cutters.  And you’re climbing up to my vent with a hammer.

Bambi puts the bolt cutters down and moves to ICRM.  She puts a hand around his waist, hooks a leg around his hip, and begins to grind her pelvis into his.

Bambi:  So do you think maybe you could help us out then?  Maybe you have the right tool for the….job?

ICRM:  Well, I’ve got some pliers in a drawer somewhere.

Bambi (rolling her eyes):  Never mind.

Knock Knock

ICRM:  Hmmmmm….I wonder who that could be?

Tiffany:  Don’t worry, they’re with us.  You said you wanted more tools.

ICRM (nervously):  More….tools?

Tiffany:  Just open the door, Sugar.

Now afraid to open the door,  ICRM turns the knob hesitantly.

[Door Flies Open]

Jennifer:  Hi!!!!  I’m Jennifer!!!!!

Jennifer:   And this is Ashley….

Ashley:  Hi!!!!!

ICRM:  Wow.  I mean, just wow.  Hello, please come in.  (Turning back to Tiffany) … But still I have the same concerns as before.  Your tools don’t seem to be in line with the task at hand.

Tiffany:  Ohhhh, really?

Tiffany walks over to the thermostat.  She pops it off the wall and turns it over.  She pulls two AA batteries from the back, then reaches into her pocket, pulling out two fresh batteries and popping them into place.  She pops the the thermostat back into place and clicks it to “Cool” and “Auto”.  Immediately, the fan kicks on and cool air begins to flow from the vents.

Tiffany:  Sooooooo?  Not bad, huh?  Now will you show us YOUR tool?

ICRM:  Like I said I’ve got the pliers, and maybe a hammer in the….

Tiffany gently places an index finger over ICRM’s lips in a “time for you to stop talking now” gesture.

Tiffany:  Where’s the bedroom?

ICRM says nothing, but points towards the bedroom.  Tiffany takes ICRM by the hand and leads him in that direction while Bambi, Jennifer and Ashley follow behind them already undressing one another as they go.

Tiffany:  Wow, this is great.  I love the bright yellow shag carpet.

ICRM (Proudly):  Thanks! I decorated it myself!

As the other three girls fall to the bed in a naked tangle of arms, legs and….other things; Tiffany pulls ICRM’s sweat-soaked Cubs ’16 World Champs t-shirt over his head.  She bites his nipple, then drops to her knees and begins unbuttoning his pants.  A moment later, they fall to the ground around his ankles….

Tiffany:  OH MY!!!!!  And I thought your NAME was long!!!!  (to the others) …  Girls, it’s going to be a fun night.

Tiffany pulls ICRM to the bed, and they all become entangled in ecstasy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8c_STKjrN_g

Suddenly,  there’s a loud noise!

Knock Knock

ICRM:  OH GODDAMIT!! JUST WHEN IT WAS GETTING GOOD!

Startled from the feverish heat-induced dream, ICRM jumps from the sofa to answer the door.

ICRM:  Who is it?

Voice on other side of door:  Super!!!  Here to check your compressor and your vents…

[Door Flies Open]

Super:  ….and I’ve got just the tool for it.

ICRM:  OH COME ON!!!!!!

Le Fin