Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Food Science: Building the Better Burrito, Pt. 1

yeah right

yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. He once fashioned an exact replica of the Taj Mahal with his penis.

Hola Sunday Gravy heads!

I truly hope everyone has been surviving the summer thus far. I had to break down and turn on the air conditioner last week and that is not a normal occurrence. For some goddamn reason this shitty high pressure system parked over the top of the Four Corner region of the US which basically forced this big sweaty wad of heat right down on the Western States. We don’t usually have 85 percent humidity but we sure as fuck did. This current weekend seems to be back to closer to normal temperature wise so we’ll take the relief.

Why am I blathering about weather? Because when one is dealing with high heat and humidity and still wants to prepare something for Sunday Gravy it forces a motherfucker to improvise. And by improvise I mean grill!

Goddamn right!

If that chicken looks a bit familiar, well it should.

Yep, that’s some grilled chipotle-lime chicken. Don’t worry I’ll be giving you some new recipes too I’m not doing another “best of” post over here. See that big banner photo? Yeah I’ve got a bonus recipe for “Elote” or Mexican style street corn lined up as well..

In addition I am going to give you my easy as Hell to make “right” family chicken recipe. I’ve been asked a few times “what is the best thing I make on a regular basis” and I would probably say that would be my chicken burrito. I’m not fucking around here, I could eat one of these every fucking day for the rest of my life. I’ve had friends who have moved out of state come back to visit just to have one of my chicken burritos. A former girlfriend would stop by for conjugal visits with the only stipulation being I had to make her at least one chicken burrito during her visit. I’ve had Facebook friends taunt each other that they got a chicken burrito during a visit and someone else did not.

It is one goddamn powerful burrito!

Which leads to today’s diatribe/lesson: we really need to talk about the burrito.

First of all, what in the goddamn fuck is this thing?

What the fuck is that!?!

Maybe someone thinks this is tasty but it looks like an alien and a Vegas buffet tried to have a baby and then decided to abort it.

Jesus tapdancing Christ that is fucking hideous!

I posit to you that that thing is not a fucking burrito. Nuh-uh. No sir. No fucking way! Get that thing out of my fucking face. Best you can get from me is calling that thing a “wrap.”

When did people get so fucked up in the head? Did that happen one night while I was passed out and missed the memo?

Let’s do some historical digging shall we? This enormous wrap of noro-virus waiting to happen is based on the Mission Style burritowhich was made popular during the 60’s in the Mission District of San Francisco. Proving that San Francisco can fuck up more than just a football team. Now there are entire chains of fast food places that specialize in these godawful things.

Alright, I can maybe see the allure if you were say a drunk college kid who wanted to shove as much shit down his drunken gullet as possible and still have leftover food for like the next 5 fucking days.

The madness even took over one of my all time favorite taco shops.

See Lolita’s there makes a perfect carne asada burrito but felt the need to throw a big fistful of french fries in there to fuck up perfection. Don’t order one of these if you go to Lolita’s. Order a simple carne asada burrito instead. That is made with fresh-to-order carne asada, a tiny bit of guacamole and a little pico de gallo. That’s it. That’s how it’s done properly. I actually order mine with just meat and a little cheddar and it is life altering.

One more fun story before getting started. I moved to L.A. from San Diego in 1991 while I was a full on carne asada burrito freak. Greatest drunk food ever! Get a burrito and an order of rolled tacos (note! there are no such things as “taquitos” in San Diego they are called rolled tacos as the good Lord intended) and pound down some brews with it. Shit yes. Life is good. So I move to L.A. (San Diego still kicks the crap out of L.A. in the burrito scene) and the night I move in I remember seeing a taco shop on the way in to my new town. I drive through, order a carne asada burrito, take it home, take a bite AND!

That fucker not only had rice and beans and sour cream the fucking thing had cold lettuce and raw tomatoes! I was torn between breaking down in tears and breaking out an AK.

YOU DO NOT PUT LETTUCE ON A GODDAMN BURRITO!!! EVER! This is non-negotiable. You serve me lettuce on a burrito and you run the risk of being stabbed in the eye with a plastic fucking knife!

Sorry. I have powerful opinions on some foods.

We are not drunk college students anymore! Unless you are reading this while drunk and in college to which I say, “Thanks for reading drunk college people! Glad to have you!”

We’re not savages, we’re not Cro-Magnon, we’re goddamn human fucking beings! We have moved on.

Remember we recently evolved?

If you want rice with your burrito serve it on the fucking side.

Let’s do this shit!

Grilled Chipotle Lime Chicken!

Yes, we’ve done this before but now I’ve got some sweet fucking photos to walk you through the process!

Bonus!

1 7 oz can of chipotles in adobo

Juice of one fresh lime.

3 cloves of garlic

1/2 onion – chopped

3 tablespoons of olive oil

1 tablespoon of paprika

1 teaspoon of cumin – freshly toasted and ground if possible

1 teaspoon of chili powder

1 teaspoon of salt.

Beer

Chicken to marinate.

Go ahead and toast up that cumin and get it ground up.

Add the chipotles into a blender.

Folks need to seriously start fucking around with chipotles (the peppers not the fucking chain restaurant) more often. They have a nice smokiness and a low level heat. They would be a solid addition to a barbecue sauce.

Toss the rest of your ingredients into the blender.

Then give them a whirl. The “beer” in the ingredient list is for getting the marinade to just the correct consistency. Use a little bit to help blend the ingredients together.

It should look something like this when blended.

Take the chicken that you will be using and put it into a one gallon ziptop freezer bag, then pour in about 2/3 or the marinade. Reserve the rest for basting the chicken.

This will go in the refrigerator overnight.

Next day fire up the grill, remove the chicken from the fridge and let it come to room temperature.

When the coals are ready get that motherfucking chicken on that goddamn grill!

This should grill about 5-7 minutes per side depending on the heat of the grill. Be sure to baste the cooked sides with the reserved marinade that we saved yesterday. When ready it should look something like this.

Remove from the grill, cover with aluminum foil and let rest for 5-10 minutes. Obviously we will be slicing this up to make burritos with but as long as we’re showing the grilling action I may as well get you to that bonus recipe!

Elote!

Some fresh corn on the cob – husks removed

1/3 cup of mayo – just work with me here. If you have access to Mexican Crema use that instead

1 lime cut into wedges

1 teaspoon of cumin

1 teaspoon of cayenne

1 teaspoon of chili powder

Cotija cheese – crumbled. I guess you could use Jack cheese or mozzarella if you can’t find Cotija.

Combine the chili powder, cayenne and cumin and mix well. I put the spice blend into a container with a “sprinkle top”. Is that even a fucking thing? You know a Tupperware container with a flip up dealie that lets you sprinkle stuff out of it? That.

Get that corn onto your pre-heated grill.

These will take about 8 minutes or so to cook. Get some tongs and roll the corn over every minute or so until done.

When roasted take the corn off of the grill and transfer it into the kitchen.

Take some of the mayo and just slather it all over the corn. Yes we just put mayonnaise onto an ear of grilled corn. I said work with me on this. Sprinkle some of the cayenne, chili powder, cumin mix all over the corn and finally top with some Cotija cheese. Serve with a wedge of lime that can be squeezed over the corn.

What is this Cotija cheese I keep mentioning?

Cotija cheese is a semi-hard – no snickering – cow’s milk cheese that originated in Mexico in the town of Cotija. It’s got a slight funk, a good bit of saltiness and a pretty decent melt.

Let’s bring up that banner photo again because it has the best photo of the elote.

You are going to love the ever loving fuck out of this corn.

Now let’s give you my specialty. The “house” chicken.

Baked Chicken ala yeah right

Boneless skinless chicken breasts, amount is up to you.

Some olive oil

Garlic powder

Onion Powder

Freshly ground black pepper

My secret weapon

Chef Merito carne asada seasoning!

That’s a pretty solid all around seasoning mix. I discovered it over 16 years ago when I was basically forced to start living a healthier lifestyle.

Fun fact that I’ve probably mentioned before, today I weigh over 100 pounds less than I did at the start of 2001. A great deal of the credit goes to my exercise and walking routine but a huge amount of the credit goes to my change in diet. The chicken we will be making has been a staple in my kitchen for the past 16 years. I knew I had to eat healthier so I started fucking around with boneless skinless chicken breast. After some trial and error, I landed on this application for my weekday meals. I eat this chicken every week from Monday through Thursday and I have for over 15 years. And it is never NOT delicious.

The reason I didn’t give amounts for this recipe is it’s basically seasoning to personal preference. You rinse and clean the chicken breast, and season with some sprinkles of onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper and a good healthy amount of the carne asada seasoning. I place the chicken in a large baking dish that has been lightly coated with the olive oil and cook in a preheated 350 oven for 40 minutes, rotating the chicken after the first 20 minutes. The end result looks like this.

I cook enough chicken for myself and brother DJ Taj to survive on for 4 days of the work week. This chicken is cooked on Sunday and there is enough to last through Thursday. I try not to keep any cooked food item longer than 4 days.

If you preheat your oven and rotate the chicken and cook for the allotted time it should never be dry chicken. Most everybody who steers clear of boneless skinless chicken does so because of the lack of flavor and the tendency to over cook it.

Well just look at this fucker.

Fucking juicy, delicious and cooked to perfection. Now how about that chipotle lime chicken we grilled earlier?

This will be the juiciest most tender grilled chicken breast you may ever have. I reposted this recipe because it was the chicken I used for the burrito I made for this meal. For the final burrito process the house chicken is much easier and quicker to prepare. I just wanted to be as real as possible with you.

Burrito time!

Get yourself a nice flour tortilla. You want it big enough to hold a fair amount of contents but not too large where you end up chewing on nothing but tortilla at the end. Toast or warm up your tortilla. I use the tried and true “warm over the gas flame on the stove top” method.

I’m going to go ahead and walk you through proper burrito rolling technique just in case. In my opinion, the burrito needs to be closed at both ends so hot burrito filling doesn’t leak out and burn the living fuck out of your hands.

Get that tortilla onto an assembly plate.

At this point, the chicken has been chopped into small-medium sized chunks and I have some pre-shredded cheese as well. Let’s use the old “hands of the clock” trick to explain the process. Place your chopped chicken and a layer of cheese (your choice on the cheese here, I use a 4 cheese Mexican blend as well as some extra sharp cheddar) and we are going to lay them across the bottom of the tortilla in what could be called the 8:00 o’clock position across to the 4:00 o’clock position.

Next we are going to add my very own secret weapon.

This shit look familiar?

Yep that’s my very own Chile Tepin! from my very first Sunday Gravy post. Does that look like it would be a bit on the “hot” side? Fuck yes it is! That’s why I keep it refrigerated in a bright red container to alert the more heat sensitive folks.

Spoon a couple “two-tree” spoonfuls ( I use “tree”) of the chile tepin over the chicken and cheese.

\

Next we are going to take the bottom of the tortilla, I guess that would be at the 6:00 o’clock position and we are going to fold it over the ingredients.

Tuck in any filling that is trying to escape and next we are going to fold over the sides of the tortillas. These would be the 3:00 o’clock and 9:00 o’clock sides and tuck them under filling.

Finally simply finish rolling the burrito from the bottom up.

One more time.

A simple, perfect, delicious meal.

If you paid attention to the title of today’s post you may have noticed a “Part 1” in the title and you would be one observant motherfucker indeed. Today I wanted to outline the construction elements of building a perfect chicken burrito, and with Part 2?

We gonna be elevating the fuck out of it!

Building a burrito is as personal as building a pizza. Some folks like beef, others pork or chicken and other contents are customized as well. My ideal burrito has meat, cheese and a sauce.

Period.

If you wanted to add a small scoop of beans I suppose that’s cool, especially if you’re trying to feed a family.

But leave that goddamn rice on the side!

If you put lettuce on there?

I will come back from the dead and haunt your heathen ass for eternity.

Live well but live healthy, people.

Thanks as always for reading.

PEACE!

 

 

yeah right
yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. He once fashioned an exact replica of the Taj Mahal with his penis.

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78 Comments on "Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Food Science: Building the Better Burrito, Pt. 1"

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JerBear50
JerBear50

With you 1,000 on the lettuce. If a shop down here puts lettuce on their Cuban, there’s zero chance of me returning. Keep your fucking lawn clippings off my food.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Ugh. I am still dealing with a really bad sore throat…and its like one of those things where I can tell its moved to my fucking lungs.

I keep losing my voice, which really sucks because I have a group of like 8 customers flying in for training from Monday to Friday. So basically 8 hours of training a day, until the end of the week.

You would think…”well just grab someone from the office to help out and do some of the talking”. Its utterly amazing to me but my coworkers cannot talk in front of others. I’m the guy with the severe speech impediment, but some of these people, you stick them in front of others, they qare likely to piss themselves.

On a positive, its been about 3 weeks since I have had a cig. That’s a good thing for my health but my fucking problem is that I time my class breaks on my internal clock based on when I need a cig. Well now my internal clock is shot.

Oh and I got some cryptic email from one of our project managers that the one guy is “a VIP and you will know why when he shows up”.

I have zero clue what this means other than the PM has fucked up royally and he expects me to smooth things over.

Should be an interesting work week.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesus. I feel really bad for that Feng lady. That looks like me on that green.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

You’re much hotter than her tho … just sayin’ … and burning in hell … me, not you … so … HOW ‘BOUT THEM FOOTY TIPS THIS WEEK!!!!???1!! WOOOOOO!!1!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Plus he does anal; she won’t…. last time I checked anyway.

ballsofsteelandfury

seriously nice job!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/jul/16/doctor-who-jodie-whittaker-announced-13th-doctor

How much will this piss off “that” internet population?

If she was black we’d see the death threats and aneurisms we saw with Ghost Busters.

Misogyny AND racism is a great combo for the stupid.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Well…its definitely a smart move by the BBC. Only got to pay her about 70% of what the previous actors were making.

All kidding aside, like Star Wars, Doctor Who is one of those things that I really don’t get why its so beloved. Especially the newer episodes just because the special effects are glaringly bad and the writing just isn’t as strong as it used to be.

And especially when your main bad guys are stopped by stairs, you need really good writing. I find a lot of the episodes are just like the Walking Dead where its characters doing really moronic shit to set up tension and dangerous situations.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My dog is getting old and she sometimes has trouble with steps too.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Applying logic to a show that is basically a thought experiment is useless. The Daleks attack infrastructure, power grids, manufacturing, etc. which don’t have stair to get to… or so I’ve heard. People watch this as an escape, not something that is “accurate” and “logical” which goes for most entertainment. Agreed about the writing, and the effects budget is probably under economic pressure, as with most shows.

I guess the main thing is Doctor Who was never meant to be taken seriously and always had campiness intended.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

What I mean by the special effects is that they moved onto green screen stuff, but its really bad green screen stuff. Like it makes Syfy channel movies look fantastic.

I hate bad green screen. I find its a lazy crutch. Good writing and acting can be gripping enough that you don’t care that the dude is in a shitty costume and its on a sound stage

Green screen is just so jarring where the actors clearly have no idea where to stand, where to look, its just…ugh. Like this…

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Its all wrong. Between the relative dimensions of the actors, to the smokeless fires…it just rips you out of the scene.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I guess I just never expect great FX on serial TV shows, but agree they rely too much on it, lots of shows do. I’ll take D. Who over most shows, but still don’t watch it much, except as background.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Its my usual bitching. Growing up as a kid, I fucking LOVED Star Trek. First of all,….Nichelle Nichols…one of the first women I ever fell in love with…

They had to work around an inability to do good effects (although the money they spent and the work at the time was top notch). The newer versions of the show and the universe, they were creating dumber story lines to just justify special effects…like the fucking Borg.

Jesus Christ talk about a stupid imagined race.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think the Borg was just an attempt to make an adversary of “impossible odds” of defeating. The “Q” was the one that I didn’t like.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also; in looking for images; Rule 34 in STRONG with Doctor Who.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Personally, it hasn’t been as good since Leela……
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, well, leather clothed “native girls” are another fetish…. SO WHAT!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Even if they are British as hell.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

To your other point, the most important thing for getting an audience to invest in a created world is having clear rules that aren’t changed for convenience.

The fucking “Sonic Screwdriver” should just be called the “McGuffin wand” already. “Red Dwarf” did a hell of a better job keeping a coherent universe and that show was just as, if not more, crazy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now Red Dwarf is fucking great; but it being a comedy with great jokes, who gives a shit? I don’t think you are talking about an average audience; they are looking more for “fun” than “clear rules”; people such as yourself who want that would obviously hate the show.
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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Honest to god, Red Dwarf does the best job of describing what it is like to be in the navy than any other show ever on TV.

Like dealing with utterly insane beauracracy, the bizarre friendships you form because of insane isolation, having to work for an idiot megalomaniac just because he has a tiny bit of authority…

Hell, they somehow managed to capture and get across on TV the smell of the berthing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That and just the comedy that hits my particular funnybone. Great characters.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cubs can’t GTFO Baltimore quickly enough.
Jerks.
(yes I know I just set all of you up for a Baltimore joke…go for it I don’t care!!!!)

HEY CUBS!!!!!
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blaxabbath

Hey yeah — where has Fozz been?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Y’all living in California are crazy to me…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Look at the bright side; at least there is critical national food and economic infrastructure on overdue fault lines.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve been through some big ones. Shit happens.

The sex afterwards is good though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So you don’t have go-packs?

ballsofsteelandfury

For sex? Like a condom and anal lube pack?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn dude, I have a go-pack and I am not even in shaker valley.

Welp, C’est la vie.

*Still doesn’t hurt to have an anal go-pack.

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t even carry condoms. My motto is NEVER READY! 😂😂

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If the electricity goes out, just hang the enema bag higher.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Palm Springs is safer tho.

ballsofsteelandfury

Actually, it’s not. It’s flatter, though, so the opportunity for damage is less.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was joking; it’s a resort town so…..

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehehe.
I’m ummmm….not sure why I’m laughing. That’s not funny.
Hehehehehehehe.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because the boob jobs in LA are vulnerable to earthquake damage?

Hey, I’m laughing just because you are, not my fault….

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ve lived in California my entire life and have only ever felt 2 earthquakes.

I was actually in DC when this happened:

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Psssh…

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I was there…

blaxabbath

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Its all fun and games but I don’t see why I gots to pay the taxes for the liberal, gay, jew left coast to exist I gotta pay for the Sharnado recoveries.

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blaxabbath

I am cleaning up and seasoning a cast iron dutch oven I got at auction last week. I’ve never cooked anything in CI other than my skillets. Any suggestions for taking this baby for a spin? I’m cooking for two but leftovers are acceptable.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Irony: JustStopDude happened to be the one to post this.
(well, I thought it was funny)

blaxabbath

::Andy Reid going to Famous Dave’s::

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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blaxabbath

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ballsofsteelandfury

KING TACO PURA CARNE

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blaxabbath

IS THIS IN LA?

ballsofsteelandfury

Damn right.

blaxabbath

I’m going then!

ballsofsteelandfury

Closest one to you will be on Pico and Alvarado.

Romonobyl

Man after my own heart!
Now I’ll have to do a post for homemade tortillas, perhaps one of my bud’s wife/mother/grandmother could make a guest appearance for professional input. Mebbee I’ll stick with my tried and true pita bread instead.
Love that corn, I gotta find me some of that cheese. Back when crossing the border was less deadly we used to get grilled corn with butter, flaked salt and chile powder. Worth the trip alone.
Keep it up!

Don T

Rice has no place in a burrito. Lettuce… Yes.
In fact: tortilla and meat are good. Add lettuce and hot sauce and it’s a fucken feast.

Romonobyl

Gotta admit a little greenery isn’t bad in a taco/burrito, helps keep the picante in! The key is not to have more lettuce than meat. Blech…

Don T

Unless…
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blaxabbath

Lettuce is a crime? How about sour cream. Want to wash out all the flavor of your burrito? Just throw in a ‘dollop’ of that shit.

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blaxabbath

“Old Yeah Right sounds like one fat fuck.”

– Sill Bimmons

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

All I have done is read the title and I already have a turgid burrito in my pants. THERE WILL BE SAUCE!!!!!1!!

scotchnaut

“Turgid” is an underused word in my opinion. Nice.

Romonobyl

Same here, but with a taquito.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Proving that San Francisco can fuck up more than just a football team.”

That should be the banner. Perfect.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Thank you! More people need to call out the bullshit that is the mission style burrito.

That Chipole shit is disgusting. Seriously, I will go on a work trip and it seems like every other field engineer wants to go either there or to Subway.

Also, the Mexican cheese scene is woefully underappreciated compared to Europe. I would love to do a tour of Mexico, just sampling all the different cheeses from locals. Like Oaxaca cheese…that shit is just perfection to me.

Romonobyl

For some reason there’s a Chipotle in my town. That’s the equivalent of living in Maine and frequenting Red fucking Lobster.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I don’t understand how they survive in So Cal. Dumb fucking yuppies.

I had a friend who used to work at Chipotle and would bring me free burritos. After two, I just told him to stop.

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