Jimbo, it's getting close... I can taste it. Schedule's out. Fans or not, we need to get ready.
Easy for you to say, John. I bet the NCAA's gonna fuck this up. We NEED to play college football. My life DEPENDS upon it. I will SWALLOW MY WHISTLE and CHOKE TO
What do you think about civil wars, Jim?
I'd say we're probably bound for one soon if things keep on the way they have been thus far.
Since I've watched all the film that's ever been created in the history of football, and with the league still not letting us run workouts
Well, Jim. This is it. I'm tellin' ya, things are getting dire here.
I can't even get good steaks for the dogs delivered promptly anymore, Johnny. All this forced online stuff is ruining all my best-laid plans. How are you supposed to throw your headset on the turf if you don't
So Johnny, what are your draft plans this year?
Well, Jim, I can tell you this: the highest-ranking Ohio State player on the board whenever possible.
Bastard. They didn't even make the Playoff this year.
Oh, and you guys did? That's news to me. Haven't even won a bowl game in god knows
Jim, I'm out of game tape to watch. It's a travesty. I decided that since I've now watched literally all of football in the history of the sport, I had time to go back and balance some of my accounts dating back to my grade school days. You owe me...
This corona thing feels like a stalemate this week, Jim. It's affecting all of us - hell, even my own productivity is down.
Speaking of stalemates, Johnny, did you know that since overtime was added to NFL rules in 1974, there have been only 25 games that ended in a tie?
John, I'm so bored. This corona stuff sucks.
I feel you Jim. It's getting to the point of re-watching old games just to feel something. Anything, really.
Remember Super Bowl XXIV, Johnny?
Sure do, brother. Montana's finest game.
Those Broncos, man. What a shitshow. Took a long time to recover from that.
Just like Paraguay in
John, gotta say: all this virus stuff is making me think we might not get to be out there on the gridiron for quite a while.
I'm worried too, brother. What's it gonna take? I mean, you know better than anyone that I've spent days at a time in the film
Jim, what's the deal with you these days? Why haven't you been up working out with me at 4 in the morning like we normally do?
Ah, Johnny, it's the damn dogs. Wife thinks she's got corona, so it's been up to me to take 'em out for walks. No excuse,
I'm concerned about all my guys' offseason training regimes, Jim. I don't think they're listening.
John, it's always harder with the pro guys. At least you can always have the looming possibility of scholarship loss if your guys don't follow along the menu of pure grizzly bear blood and raw eggs.
Hey, John - you know anything about emus?
Big, dumb, stupid, but fast. Kinda like your average Raiders draft pick at receiver, I guess?
OK, good to know. I once heard from one of my spies monitoring Urban Meyer that he was thinking about recruiting one for special teams. I'm kinda thinking
Jim, I want to cut you a deal. Next time we have a family touch football game, I promise I won't chop-block you in the kidneys...
... more than four times.
John, if that's the kind of deal we're brokering, I promise I won't steal your gallbladder and pancreas when you have