In Big Daddy Balls' 2016 edition of "Why Your Team Sucks" for the Chicago Bears, the fan responses were a pretty standard collection of laments about the team's ineptitude and fan culture. Not exactly the place you'd look for a true revelation. But I found one there, and it took
Short Two Sentence Preview: The Arizona Cardinals are a dysfunctional franchise without competent leadership in the front office and, naming it's third head coach and third starting quarterback in three season, it's clear that Mike Bidwill and Steve Keim are banking that a drunk broken clock with no hour hand
EXT. OAKLAND RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE - DAY Establishing shot and title card. ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: That's My Ravens [sic] is filmed in front of a live studio auditorium [sic]. --- CUT TO - INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY SUNSHINE COWSER sits on the coach, reading Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" in its original Chinese.
Photo Credit: Some Weird Youtube Video with Adrian Amos Every year of my football-watching life, the off-season has been a giant slog punctuated by tiny dopamine hits along the otherwise slow, cruel, and seemingly endless march to opening kickoff. As soon as the Super Bowl was over, I craved football's return.
Head Coach: Jim Caldwell, baby! Key Players: Matthew Stafford (QB), Golden Tate (WR), Marvin Jones (WR), Ameer Abdullah (RB), DeAndre Levy (LB), Ezekiel Ansah (DE) Key Losses/Suspensions: MEGATRON. Nothing else matters. Notable Draft Picks: Taylor Decker (OT, Ohio State), A'Shawn Robinson (DT, Alabama), Graham Glasgow (C, Michigan), Miles Killebrew (Southern Utah) Notable Free Agent Signings:
Head Coach: Mike McCarthy Key Players: Aaron Rodgers (QB), Jordy Nelson (WR), Clay Matthews (LB), Eddie Lacy (RB), Julius Peppers (DE) Key Losses/Suspensions: BJ Raji (DL, retired), Casey Hawyard (CB, San Diego), Demitri Goodson (CB, "Drugs", 4 games). Notable Draft Picks: Kenny Clark (DT, UCLA), Jason Spriggs (OT, Indiana), Kyler Fackrell (LB, Utah
INT. RAIDERS TRAINING CAMP CABIN 14 - NIGHT. A pair of dark forms are supposed to be asleep in a set of bunks. AMARI COOPER: [softly] Derek? DEREK CARR: ... AMARI: [louder] Hey, Derek? DEREK: [grumbles] Mmm. AMARI: You awake? DEREK: [groggily] I am now. What's the matter? Did you have another nightmare about Aqib Talib [carrying
Warning: The following post contains drug use, sexual innuendo and profanity. It is not intended for children, the elderly, Mennonites, scowlers, frowners, hipsters, tennis fans, Bill Simmons, pearl-clutchers, accountants, Kirk Cameron, your parents, or the family pet. I'm blowing down some eastern Washington backroad at 110 in a '72 convertible Impala. And that's