From Worst to “Maybe they can pull off what the Browns are doing except with concentration camps in their state.”: A 2019 Arizona Cardinals Preview

Short Two Sentence Preview: The Arizona Cardinals are a dysfunctional franchise without competent leadership in the front office and, naming it's third head coach and third starting quarterback in three season, it's clear that Mike Bidwill and Steve Keim are banking that a drunk broken clock with no hour hand

2018-2019 Chicago Bears Preview

Photo Credit: Some Weird Youtube Video with Adrian Amos Every year of my football-watching life, the off-season has been a giant slog punctuated by tiny dopamine hits along the otherwise slow, cruel, and seemingly endless march to opening kickoff. As soon as the Super Bowl was over, I craved football's return.

No Ones 2017 – Texans Preview

There is a phenomenon you may have heard of called the Mandela Effect. This is the scariest thing you will find on the internet and the more you think about it the more you will be for internet censorship to keep these people away from each other. The internet has

To Bear Down or Not To Bear Down

That is the question. At the risk of stating the obvious, football is awesome. The hitting, the strategy, the fresh grass underfoot as your team of choice takes the field in that late summer warmth--they all fill you with excitement, anticipation, and joy. Yet there is a key ingredient required to

A Greatly Uninformed 2016 Detroit Lions Preview

Head Coach: Jim Caldwell, baby! Key Players:  Matthew Stafford (QB), Golden Tate (WR), Marvin Jones (WR),  Ameer Abdullah (RB), DeAndre Levy (LB), Ezekiel Ansah (DE) Key Losses/Suspensions:  MEGATRON.  Nothing else matters. Notable Draft Picks:  Taylor Decker (OT, Ohio State), A'Shawn Robinson (DT, Alabama), Graham Glasgow (C, Michigan), Miles Killebrew (Southern Utah) Notable Free Agent Signings:

A Greatly Uninformed 2016 Green Bay Packers Preview

Head Coach: Mike McCarthy Key Players:  Aaron Rodgers (QB), Jordy Nelson (WR), Clay Matthews (LB), Eddie Lacy (RB), Julius Peppers (DE) Key Losses/Suspensions:  BJ Raji (DL, retired), Casey Hawyard (CB, San Diego), Demitri Goodson (CB, "Drugs", 4 games). Notable Draft Picks:  Kenny Clark (DT, UCLA), Jason Spriggs (OT, Indiana), Kyler Fackrell (LB, Utah

Seattle Seahawks 2016 Preview

  Warning: The following post contains drug use, sexual innuendo and profanity. It is not intended for children, the elderly, Mennonites, scowlers, frowners, hipsters, tennis fans, Bill Simmons, pearl-clutchers, accountants, Kirk Cameron, your parents, or the family pet.   I'm blowing down some eastern Washington backroad at 110 in a '72 convertible Impala. And that's