Tailgate Time! Week 2 and I’m Losing Faith

Greetings all. Week 2 of the NFL has begun and it’s already panic time for half of the franchises. Falling behind 0-2 isn’t a death sentence but it takes until week 4 minimum if you want to just get back to .500. While I’m not panicking yet, I did lose some confidence and a lot of faith after a complete humiliation last Monday night. I’ve decided to put last week behind me and move on to week 2. I think I’ve already ranted about last week enough.

Today’s recipes are definitely something you can transport to a tailgate party if you so desire. We’re going to make some Peruvian grilled chicken and a batch o’ beans. The beans can be made a day ahead and put into an insulated container for transport or reheated in a warming device of some sort. The chicken can be carried in the gallon bags it is marinating in and can be tossed on the coals at the get together. I will be using some tortillas as accompaniment. You can grab a tortilla, slather a swipe or two of beans on it and tear up some grilled chicken bits, maybe a little lime and some salsa or pico and you are ready to make a disgusting pig of yourself. Again. I can’t take you anywhere.

I’ve been doing the Peruvian chicken for a couple of years. We have this mini chain of Peruvian restaurants out here in L.A. called El Pollo Inka. Their chicken is crazy good and they make this dish called Lomo Saltado, which is sliced beef in an onion/tomato sauce served over french fries. Jesus fuck is it delightful. The chicken recipe came about by some internet searching and some trial and error. I add a little more garlic than the original recipe which I’m sure will just surprise the piss out of absolutely nobody. I also add a little more cumin than the original recipe called for. When I started doing the research on the original recipe I was a little taken aback because it calls for soy sauce. I thought, why the fuck is there soy sauce in a Peruvian recipe? I learned some shit about this. It turns out that Peru has over a million residents who have an Asian heritage. There are Chinese, Japanese, Macanese, Filipino heritages and more. This adds a lot of influences on the local food and culture. Some of this can be traced back to the mid 1800’s and the slave trade and later immigrants who arrived to join their families. Lima Peru has a large Chinatown complete with restaurants, heritage festivals and a lively nightlife scene. It sounds like a lot of fun actually.

Grilled Peruvian Chicken:

1 whole chicken cut into quarters or a few pounds of boneless/skinless breasts or thighs

1/3 cup soy sauce, you can use low sodium but I don’t think the chicken is too salty. Your results may vary.

• Juice of one freshly squeezed lime
• 5 garlic cloves
• 3 teaspoons ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1 tablespoon olive oil

Blend soy sauce, lime juice, garlic, cumin, paprika, oregano, 1/2 teaspoon pepper and oil in a blender.

Put chicken in a, wait for it… 1 gallon ziptop freezer bag and add marinade. Seal bag and marinate, chilled, 8 to 24 hours.

Next day start up your charcoal fire (are you listening Horatio?) and grill until done. You can serve with some lime wedges or if I’m ever able to duplicate the wondrous green sauce that El Pollo Inka uses I would choose that instead but that’s still a work in progress. As I mentioned I’ll have some tortillas, some beans and a little of my old faithful, chili tepin.

Batch-O-beans:

16 oz bag of pinto beans carefully sorted. Really people, sort your fucking beans. I usually find at least one small rock per bag and you don’t want to chomp on that shit.

1 onion minced

3-4-5 whatever cloves of minced garlic.

1/4 teaspoon cumin

1/4 teaspoon of chili powder

salt and pepper to taste.

Grease from 4-5 slices of fried bacon.

A couple of dried pods of chile de arbol if you got ’em. You know, for a little kick.

• After sorting through your beans, rinse off with water and put in a pot with about 6-8 cups of water bring to a simmer. Add in the onion, garlic, cumin, chili powder, chile de arbol, some salt and pepper and cook these little bastards for about 2 1/2 – 3 hours on a low simmer until beans are tender. Stir every 15 minutes or so and add a little water if necessary. About 30 minutes before the beans are done, get you a damn skillet and fry up some bacon. Shit howdy! Do you know what you are going to do with this bacon? Do you? You are going to eat the fuck out of that bacon. Eat that bacon! But save that grease! Let the bacon grease cool down for a few minutes and add it to the beans. This will give the beans the fat that it was missing until this point, it will also add a really nice sheen to the beans. Now, get a masher and mash about 1/2 of the beans while leaving the rest whole. You can use the side of a large spoon to mash the beans if you don’t have a masher. Serve with a little cheese on top and a splash of salsa or hot sauce.

Week 2 Vikings preview!

I have no idea how we are going to do this week. It is our home opener so I hope that they can rise to the occasion. We are playing a divisional foe in Detroit. The Vikings are 2 1/2 point favorites, what ever the fuck that means. I would like to have a little more positive information, maybe some gambling advice but if you saw that shit show last Monday night you should understand. It was completely disheartening and left me with little belief that we can truly compete this season. I ain’t throwing in the towel yet but with a loss this weekend to a division rival and we can start planning for the draft. I think we will win. Shit, I think that every week. Then again I think that Green Acres was a hugely under appreciated television show. Best advice? Watch another game.

I won’t be tailgating this weekend, I’ll be at home with my beautiful and finally reconnected big ass TV and I’ll be grilling between games. Beer is much cheaper here and I have my own parking space! Bonus!

Be safe out there and may your favorite team, apart from Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago and New England win.

Cheers, you sexy bastards!

Author wishes to credit Epicurious.com for the recipe, photo and initial inspiration. Thanks.