Tom Brady’s PED Scandal, Scene 2: Manning, Matthews, and Terrorist News

It’s been over a month and half since the Boston Magazine story highlighting the relationship between Tom Brady and Dr Alex Guerrero. As was discussed here, the story was really less than news, as it was more of a compilation of facts that had been long known (or, at least, publicly available) but likely inadmissible in a public court. Or, I mean, this is my guess. I don’t know. Fuck anyone with more than a semester of law school under his/her belt ([DFO] company and Lionel Hutz excluded).

Since the story was released, in true Fourth Estate fashion, the NFL’s partners shrugged off the obvious correlation of Brady/Guerrero = Bonds/Conte = Rodriguez/Bosch under the Love Child Rule, which prevents the media¹ from investigating any party that can influence their #access, #brand, or #marketing. Which is why the best news now comes from dissociated sources such as Yahoo Sports (Reggie Bush/USC Gifts; Junker/Fiesta Bowl; 2011 Miami Hurricanes Scandal), TMZ (Ray Rice Video Release), the National Inquirer (Edwards Love Child; Bennifer Wedding/Divorce), and now, the propaganda arm of the Qatar government, Al Jazeera. I say this kind of tongue-in-cheek but, seriously, when was the last time the an NFL partner network broke anything seriously anti-The Shield? They’ve even got sway over boutique websites!

Aside from the multitude of articles on Brady being friends with The Donald, on 12/20/15, the Boston Globe returned to the Guerrero saga, not from the PED angle, but from TB12/P*triots partnership angle. After all, the FBI got Al Capone on tax evasion, not everything else. It’s a dry read but the highlights are:

• Guerrero is still shady. Bureaucratic administrative concerns and advertising language aside, Guerrero still marketed a product that he he clearly claimed would cure AIDS as well as admitting to false claims that he sold a previous company to Richard Branson for $500 million. This man is Tom Brady’s closest associate.
• Guerrero is as much in with the P*tri*ts as he is with Brady; having received a Super Bowl ring from Robert Kraft while maintaining sideline credentials to home and away games. Amazingly, with all the lulls in every football game, no network has spent 90 seconds with a camera on Guerrero, discussing his role with the P**ri*ts (see above regarding the Love Child Rule).
• Bill Belichick has, apparently, lost his control over the locker room. When questioned about the complaints from the team medical staff regarding Guerrero, the Grumble Lord responded, “Tom wants him. What am I supposed to do?” I dunno, Bill, maybe DO YOUR JOB.
• The item that will keep this story alive through the offseason, however, is questions regarding whether or not having the team support the business venture partially-owned by Brady is a violation of the NFL salary cap. Naturally, the league is aware of these concerns and has opted to do absolutely nothing regarding them, to date, surely just hoping that the story goes away.

Now, aside from a passing note where the NFL would surely not find Bob Kraft and the P**r**ts guilty of violating the salary cap just because their arrangement violates the spirit of the salary cap, this story probably would die in the offseason. But thanks to Al Jazeera’s new documentary, The Dark Side: The Secret World of Sports Doping, which accuses Peyton Manning and Clay Matthews of illegally taking human growth hormone. Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback who has dealt with significant injury issues in the past five years. Clay Matthews is a dude whose team got jack stomped last night after he pulled this little stunt ON ANOTHER WHITE PLAYER.

Maybe Scotchnaut will do a I Watched It… on this documentary because I’m sure as hell not going to check it out. Not because Al Jazeera isn’t a fine journalistic institution or anything, but because I already hate sports and know everyone is cheating. It is all documented on YourTeamCheats.com, NO ONE DENIES THIS!

That said, Manning has come out on fire and is declaring his innocence. Something that is actually a far cry from what the normal response to such allegations — you know, like Brady, who thinks such accusations against him are just laughable because, come on, he does it the right way. The  P**r**t* Way!

Are the accusations leveled against Manning true? I don’t know. Off the top of my head, I’d say they could have come from a more patriotic broadcaster. Or been less dependent on a source that didn’t recant his statements already (not that this necessary means anything because he may have already been paid off). I’m not giving Peyton the “but he’s always been such a nice guy” pass either. So I’d level the chances that the allegations are true at about 50% and that he did illegal shit beyond what is accused in the documentary at 75%.

Or, at least, that’s how I felt before I read that Brady was backing Peyton Manning. And, though I don’t recall during what period Manning played for the ***r**t*, if he’s got Brady’s support, then he sure doesn’t have mine. All hail the Brock Osweiler Era of Clean The Right Way (Plus Von Miller) Football and Pizza Advertising! Also, here is my favorite comment from the Al Jazeera documentary page:

Oh, and if you are looking for a ***r**** fan response to these accusations, here you go. For those of you who choose not to click, the short version: “WHOOO FAHKIN’ CARES?! WHY IS THIS EVEN FAHKIN’ NEWS?!”

¹: The sports media isn’t real media, in that, they aren’t important. But since they want to prop themselves up as deserving of the same umbrella protections as the conventional term of ‘Press’, then they would fall under the same expectations. That’s right: Terry Bradshaw = Walter Cronkite.