The X-Files: The Truth is Out There

[2:45PM AUG 22] — Stark County Public Library, Canton, OH

Library


Jim Tomsula: [writing in his notebook] My journey to investigate and expose the hidden truths of the NFL has brought me to the location of the enshrinement of the greatest careers and moments in professional football history — the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Unfortunately, I am not here to celebrate past seasons but, rather, discover why this one, 2016, was delayed in its start. Ever the source of scrutiny, the NFL front offices were suspiciously quick to name Troy Vincent, the league’s executive vice president of football operations, as the fall guy for the field conditions which led to the cancellation of the preseason opening Hall of Fame Game between the Green Bay Packers and the Colts of Indianapolis. I can’t say I’m so sure he’s our man.

The official story is that the FieldTurf, which was shipped in from out of state for this event (perhaps clue #1?) was painted and covered during the week’s HOF induction celebrations. Apparently, the painted areas of the field — the endzones and midfield, in particular — experienced congealment of the paint during a concert the night on the eve of the game. In response, the day of the game, heaters had been brought in to rectify the situation (what did they expect to happen?) but only made matters worse as the applied heat not only softened the paint, but also melted the rubber pellets (hot enough to melt rubber – clue #2?) such that, when the heaters were removed, the cooled paint and rubber created a hard surface considered unsuitable for play. The last-minute cancellation of the game was a national embarrassment and the NFL is already preparing for lawsuits from unfulfilled ticket purchasers.

— [Door Flies Open] —
jim

Jim Harbaugh: You figure this shit out yet, Jim?!

Tomsula: Jim! What are you doing here? The secretary didn’t even buzz me that you had arrived.

Harbaugh: Secretary? You mean the librarian?

Tomsula: Granted, budget cuts have forced the agency to downsize our typically more professional and [peers around the room at various teenagers, hobos, and obeses playing solitaire or looking at pornography on the public-use computers] intimate field offices. But this is good, I’ve got all this information at my fingertips.

Harbaugh: [holds up an envelope covered with greasy fingerprints and shakes it at Tomsula] So you think the Hall of Fame Game wasn’t just another case of the NFL’s royal fuck uperry?

Tomsula: [surprised, peering around for eavesdropping; he whispers] Shhhhh! Who told you that? Wait — did anyone follow you here?

Harbaugh: [shoots a coy grin] You really don’t know? Hold on — didn’t Jed let you go after last season?

Tomsula: Well yeah. It was rough. I gave that organization nearly a decade of my career — of my life. And they turnaround and just say, “You won only five games. You’re out.” It was hard to go home to that. Guess I floated for a while. All the underpasses start to look the same, you know. It’s a pack of Marlboros to lay some lip; a carton to ride the deck. Pretty soon you end up dealing with the kind of people you really don’t want to be dealing with but you —

Harbaugh: You only won five fucking games? Holy shit! Of course you wouldn’t know! [involuntarily bulges his eyes] Hell, I’m surprised you even made it this far alone. So have you discovered why the game was cancelled?

Tomsula: I think…I think so. [digs through stack of dog-eared sheets of paper] I mean, it seems obvious that The Shield simply staged this as a small-loss example of how far they’ll go for player safety. I mean, what’s losing a preseason game now if it gets them their two extra regular season games at the next CBA negotiations?

Harbaugh: Damn it! You are dumb as shit, Jim! Big picture, man. Think big picture.

Tomsula: I think an extra two games is a pretty big picture, Jim. I mean, you show that something as small as some paint on the turf is grounds for cancelling a game just minutes before kickoff, how can anyone accuse you of not caring about the welfare of the players? Maybe they make a similar statement this Christmas Eve when the Vikings play at Lambeau? Say the frozen tundra is unsafe. Make the NFLPA say that the field conditions are fine. Make them look like the bad guys.

Harbaugh: Actually not as stupid as the idea sounded initially but still wrong. Look, it is about the fall guy, Vincent. Go find out why. And stop sending me letters at the office. You know how hard it’s gonna be to explain away this correspondence when the NCAA comes investigating? [tosses the envelope on the table in front of Tomsula and exits.]



[4:46AM AUG 23] — Hwy 77/Exit 107A Underpass, Canton, OH

Tomsula: [writing in his notebook] Troy Vincent’s whereabouts are currently unknown. He’s still a member of The Shield’s offices but doesn’t appear to be doing anything in an official capacity since the HOF Game fiasco. I’ve left a message with his secretary giving him the number to the nearest payphone — just outside a nearby Marathon — as well as directions to my location (for the off chance he’s in the area). She did not seem especially interested in helping me but assured me that Vincent would receive the message.

Harbaugh’s advice has not been especially helpful thus far. Everything about Vincent is fairly simple. A former on-field great, he was a member of the NFLPA until being ousted amongst accusations of misconduct regarding his associations with a finance firm, Elketon. Nothing came of the accusations and, always involved in improving the lives of players (including founding the NFL Business Management and Entrepreneurial Program which helps players financially plan for life after football), Vincent has since signed on with The Shield.

A speeding car approaches and, without slowing down, nearly swipes Tomsula as the driver throws a package out the window. After watching the vehicle speed away, Tomsula picks up the parcel and stuffs it in his jacket. Upon confirming that no one saw the event, he gathers the rest of his belongings and begins walking away from the underpass to the Marathon station. He needs to make a call. However, when he arrives at the station, he discovers that the phone has been ripped from the booth wall; only a jumble of wires and a couple protruding metal components remain. Dawn is beginning to break but the overcast skies provide him with relief that the heat will not hinder the days investigation. A Hardee’s sign shines high in the distance so Tomsula begins to walk towards it, hoping to find energy and, in opening this package, the truth.

 

— [Car Pulls Up] —

Sheriff Will Teasle: So where you heading?

Tomsula: I’m looking for a place to eat right now.

Teasle: There’s a diner about thirty miles up the road there.

Tomsula: Is there a law against me getting something to eat here?

Teasle: Yeah! And around these parts of Ohio, it’s ME! [Teasle tases Tomsula and throws his limp body in the back of the cruiser.]


ed

Ed Reed: You alright man? Ol’ Boss Will tossed you out of that cruiser there mighty quick-like.

Tomsula: What…happened? I need to get back to Canton. And I need my stuff. [reaches around on pavement searching for his knapsack]

Reed: Good news and bad, stanger. You’re in Canton. City Field Park, just a stone’s throw from the Hall of Fame. You here to panhandle the Hall? Not a bad move but you’re a couple weeks late.

Tomsula: No, actually. I’m investigating the fieldturf situation from the cancelled game. I have reason to believe the contents of this envelope hold the key to explaining just what happened that fateful night some three weeks ago. [Tomsula pulls out the package and slides a dirty calloused finger under the flap to reveal the contents]. What is this? Is this a piece of the gameday turf?

Reed:
Oh that’s always the best stuff! [lunges over to swipe a handful of the turf sample and pushes the whole piece in his mouth]

Tomsula: You’re eating my evidence!

Reed: [spits out turf] Oh this is terrible! This is that shit they started messing with last spring. [rinses his mouth with a handful of sidewalk puddle water] Never had anything like it. Ever. In the years I’ve been around the stuff, the HOF turf was premo. But not now. This is unpalatable.

Tomsula: New turf? But this was brought in from the Super Dome? This is NFL-sanctioned. [Reed shakes his head at Tomsula.] The Shield has strict rules on playing surfaces and….and….and you’re saying that the turf from the HOF game, this turf here, was not the sanctioned field surface that Troy Vincent authorized to bring in?

Reed: Yeah man. For sure. This stuff is gross.

Tomsula: Oh. My. God. Vincent really didn’t know. Vincent didn’t know! I’ve got to get over to that stadium now! [Tomsula races up the meandering sidewalk and past the sign that reads: “Tom Benson Hall of Fame Stadium – 1.2 Miles”]


[6:25 PM AUG 23] — Tom Benson Hall of Fame Stadium, Canton, OH

Tomsula:
[arrives at stadium to find the field has been completely removed] No. It’s gone. All gone. All the evidence. It’s just…it’s all gone. This was the smoking gun that Vincent was innocent but now I can’t prove it!

Harbaugh: [steps out from behind a parked excavator] You’re playing a very dangerous game, Mr Tomsula.

Tomsula: Jim! What’s happening? Why are they tearing up the stadium? Even if I could have just collected a section from the midfield —

Harbaugh: Why did Goodell destroy the Spygate tapes? Why did he try to destroy the Ray Rice tape? Why did he begin funneling money to ISIS after the Paid For Patriotism scandal was exposed? I mean, have you actually ever SEEN a Josh Gordon failed drug test?

Tomsula: But Vincent is one of their own! Why would they want to destroy the evidence that would exonerate their front office?

Harbaugh: He’s not one of their own, Jim. [pulls an envelope from his pocket and slides it into the knapsack on the ground] The Shield keeps their enemies closest. Now, this is over and you need to grab your stuff here and get out of dodge before Johnny Law comes back. This isn’t an NFL city but it’s the next closest thing to it — after St Louis, I mean — and the The Shield has all the cops on the take in those towns. There’s nothing left for you to investigate here.

Tomsula: So you knew? And you didn’t even care? Then why are you helping me? Why are you here

Harbaugh: Because this is so much bigger than you know! Troy Vincent is a man without a home. The NFLPA disavows him and The Shield wants to make an example of anyone who respects the players’ decisions to leave the game on their own terms, which Vincent really messed with when he set up that money management program at Elketon.

Tomsula: But the accusations leveraged against him for his associations with Elketon were widely discredited…

Harbaugh: The Shield’s biggest fear has always been players making a practice of retiring early. But it seems that, with you, the NFL’s most dangerous creation would actually be the man who has nothing to lose.

Tomsula: Wait, does this have to do with you not stopping Borland from early retirem– [Tomsula looks up when a clap of thunder erupts overhead. He sees the first raindrops falling and, when he looks back down, Harbaugh is gone].

 

Raining Jim (1)

Tomsula: I have lost. They have won and I have lost. Again. 



[6:12 AM AUG24] — KCK Engine 1H77, Girdley, KA


 

Tomsula: [writing in his notebook] Per Jim’s instruction, I left Canton without the solid evidence I needed to exonerate Troy Vincent. I see now how sophisticated and determined The Shield and its agents are to promote the interests of the league owners and front office executives. Without hard evidence, however, I know that The Shield and its connections in the government, media, law enforcement, and the military will surely squash any case files that are not airtight. Still, I am confident that, if these investigations proceed and we continue knocking, that a door will eventually fly open to expose the undeniable truth. I only hope that, along my travels, I find more allies as committed to the truth as Coach Harbaugh.

[Tomsula retrieves the envelope Harbaugh placed in his knapsack and stares at the photo contents.]

 

Vincent Ad

 

 

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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] This is our livelihoods, man! I think there should be some pretty substantive debate about the job Demaurice Smith has done and if we want to renew him to serve through the next CBA […]

JerBear50

Oh man, I can’t wait til you bring Alex Jones in on this action.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This was fantastic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jets fuel can’t melt steal beems.

Don T

That HOF cancellation was shameful. I’m glad Veterans Stadium did not live to see it.