Good morning students!
Flattery will get you a lot of places, Ms. Spears, but you’ll need a lot more than THAT to get your degree!
Ok, see me after class.
As for the rest of you, look at the person to your left. Now look at the person to your right. Now pinch their nipples. A certain number of you will drop out before earning your degree.
It is my job to make sure that number is as close to zero as possible.
Your study program consists of 5 study areas:
GAMBLING
SEX
MONEY
DRINKING
DRUGS
Within those study areas, you must pass a lower level course as well as at least 2 (Two) 100-level courses.
To refresh your memory, here is a description of what those entail:
Lower division courses (numbered 1-99) are often surveys offering preliminary introductions to the subject field. They are designed primarily for freshmen and sophomores, though upper division students may enroll for unit and grade credit.
Upper division courses (numbered 100-199) are open to all students who have met the requisites indicated in departmental requirements or the course description.
The full schedule of classes has not been released yet, but the courses being offered will be as follows:
GAMBLING
Gambling 4 – Gambling Concepts and Theory
Gambling 101 – Sports Betting
Gambling 102 – Poker
Gambling 103 – Craps
Gambling 105 – Blackjack
Gambling 110 – Roulette
Gambling 115 – The Lottery and Keno
Gambling 122 – Horse Racing
SEX
Sex 2 – Sex in the 21st Century
Sex 101 – Basic Coitus Positions
Sex 103 – Threesomes
Sex 169 – 69 and Oral Pleasure
Sex 184 – Anal
Sex 187 – Orgies
Sex 199 – Happy Endings
MONEY
Money 5 – Basic Budgeting
Money 102 – Saving
Money 103 – Investing
Money 104 – Retirement Planning
DRINKING
Drinking 7 – Intro to Alcohol
Drinking 101 – Beer
Drinking 102 – Wine
Drinking 103 – Liquor
Drinking 104 – Cocktails
Drinking 110 – Bartending
DRUGS
Drugs 3 – Classifications and Effects
Drugs 101 – Weed
Drugs 111 – Opiates
Drugs 134 – Meth
Drugs 165 – Cocaine
Drugs 174 – Extacy
Class offerings are subject to change depending on the availability of the instructors.
For each class, there will be a Final Exam which will count for 100% of your grade.
Any questions?
Ms. Spears, In my office. NOW!
Kinda sad to see one of my personal favorites, hallucinogens, being ignored there in the DRUGS course list.
Fear not. It has been added to the curriculum.
Ah, the battle of the teen pop sexpots. https://gfycat.com/ZigzagGiddyCoqui
A little moar of this couldn’t hurt…
Whooops, too much…
Wait, those are the words? Wait, what did I think the words were? Eh, I don’t know.
Sounds fun!
Is daydrinking worth extra credit?
I would assume it is mandatory.
Sex:
Also, Egyptology.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk
GAMBLING 303:
Is this taught under drugs, sex or gambling?
http://i43.tinypic.com/2qsmeq8.gif
Yes
Dear DFOU Provost:
Please convalidate the following independent studies toward Drinking credits:
-Drunk Tweeting—Is There Any Other Kind? (2 credits)
-Unlocking Your Utmost Potential Through Drinking Alone (4 credits)
-Introduction to Hangovers, The Purple Hearts For Socializing (1 credit)
-Hiding Your Cellphone Successfully (for the 3 credits in Advanced Alcoholism)
Transcripts and syllabi / court records to follow. Thanks.
Feels like liquor should be broken out into more subcategories. And scotchy and I could co teach one of those…
Please do!
Two questions:
1) Are credits from Trump University transferable?
b) Will Canadian Tire money be accepted for tuition?
I’ll hang up and listen to your responses.
1) Yes, but only for the money courses.
B) Twoonies and Loonies accepted only if covered in maple syrup.
Why do I get the feeling I’ll be asked to substitute teach a few of these?
Also no drug program is complete without including hallucinogens. Ecstasy is a different class.
Yes, you will and yes, that class needs to be added.
Are these theory courses or is there a practicum?
Especially in the sex section.
Asking for a friend, he looks like a stoat.
Lab courses are separate.
Lab courses? What if we’d rather fuck a spaniel?
do we get credit for life experience?
/ trying to graduate early
Only if you can demonstrate expertise…
“Actually, I wrote my thesis on life experience…”