INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER, portraying a false sense of cheerfulness, flips switches and adjusts levels in preparation for the afternoon’s show.  DJ 3000 is still in sulk mode.

PRODUCER: So, you’re still upset about last week?

DJ 3000: …

PRODUCER: Come on, don’t be like that.  Fumblesnapskin was a big get for us!  I just thought you’d be happy that the guest wasn’t a human for once.  I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.

DJ 3000: …

PRODUCER: I promise, we’ll get you on the air next time, buddy.

DJ 3000: ERROR 201.  FRIENDSHIP FILE NOT FOUND

PRODUCER: [notices a blinking light on the console] Oh, that must be today’s guest!

— [telephone connection flies open] —

JIM IRSAY: Hey there.

PRODUCER: Good afternoon, Mr. Irsay.

IRSAY: Ha ha ha, such a kidder.  I know who Jim Irsay is, but that’s not me.  You and me, we go back years, right?  So of course you know that my name is Tom.  Tom Robinson.  Got that?

PRODUCER: Um, uh, okay.

IRSAY: So anyhow, I really appreciate you doing this bit of home delivery for me.  My driver’s license is suspended and Uber won’t pick me up anymore after that bit of…unpleasantness, so I’m kind of trapped.

PRODUCER: That’s no problem, we’re happy you could join us. How have you been?

IRSAY: Oh I’ve been all right.  Been watching a lot of the Winter Olympics.  Some of the skiing, some of the skating. Puts ideas in my head, you know what I mean?

PRODUCER: Oh, good.  So that means you’ve had a chance to think of a topic for today?

IRSAY: I sure have – today’s “topic” is snow and ice.  I’m looking to recreate my own little P.F. Chang Olympics here, you catch my drift?

PRODUCER: I sure do.  You’re looking for songs about winter, cold temperatures, that sort of thing.

IRSAY: What?  No, no, you’ve got it all wrong.  What I’m saying is I’m trying to arrange for a delivery of “snow” and “ice” for my “family” to “play with”.  High-quality stuff.  Nothing that’s been stepped on.  One pound of each should do it.

PRODUCER: I’m confused.  You’re saying the topic is delivery?

IRSAY: The topic is the delivery of snow and ice, yes.

PRODUCER: You mean, like, winter storms?  We’ve already done storms.

IRSAY: [losing patience] No, what I’m talking about if YOU COMING TO MY HOUSE WITH MY FUCKING, um…ICE CRYSTALS. ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING GAMES ALREADY, HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?

PRODUCER: I’m not entirely sure we’re on the same page here.  This is KDFO – we’re a radio show taking requests from listeners for songs about a certain topic.  We’re on the air right now.

IRSAY: Wait, what?  This is being broadcast over the radio?  I don’t know you.  Crank caller! Crank caller!

PRODUCER: But you called us…

IRSAY: I’m hanging up now.  But…before I go, can you give “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner a spin? Fuckin’ shit rocks, man.

You heard the man.  Today’s topic is things that are cold.  Ice, snow, Aaron Hernandez’s corpse, etc.  Post your youtube links in the comments (no embed codes or anything needed, just the links) Have at it!