Your “Luckily, The Car Was Okay” Monday Evening Open Thread

^{(Not the actual car)}

NFL News:

• Josh Gordon has signed his exclusive rights tender with the Browns.
  • Good thing – 4/20 is this Friday.
  • Bad thing – Because of all the suspensions, he only has credit for four seasons.
    • He becomes a Restricted Free Agent in 2019, and a UFA in 2020.

• Ziggy Ansah has signed his franchise tag, and will report to Lions OTAs on Tuesday.
  • It will earn him $17.14 million for 2018, unless he & the team work out a long-term deal.

• Deebo is done! Again!!
  • James Harrison announced his retirement (again) today.
    • He previously retired in 2014, but was lured back when the Steelers ran into injury trouble.
  • He retires the Steelers all-time sacks leader with 80.5.

• The Dez Bryant Saga:
  • Suitors:
    • The Ravens are going to take a run at signing him.
    • Dez says joining the Rams “would be fun”.
  • Smartest guy in the room – Cole Beasley, when declining comment on the whole situation:
    • “I’ll say somethin’ I shouldn’t have and be next.”

• Somebody teach Mr. Ayo some Polish – Sebastian Janikowski is now a Seahawk.
  • So we’re clear:
    • A kicker who bar fought in college & was arrested with GHB = fine
    • A QB that takes a knee during a song = banned

• Danny Amendola, on why he signed with the Dolphins:
  • “When free agency broke, I came to the realization that he (Belichick) wasn’t going to really come close to any of the other offers I had.”
  • “It’s not easy (playing for Bill), that’s for sure. He’s an a–h— sometimes.”

• Finally, starting Monday by again Stealing from Crimebeat!:
  • Newly acquired Daryl Worley has been released by the Eagles after being arrested & tazed this weekend for DUI, weapons and disorderly conduct charges.
    • Per ESPN,  he faces six charges in all: DUI (first offense), firearms not to be carried without a license, carrying firearms in public in Philadelphia, possession of an instrument of crime, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct/engaging in fighting.
      • He was found passed out in his car, blocking an intersection outside the team’s practice facility.
      • The cops had to rouse him, then taze him when he resisted their efforts.
  • He was acquired from Carolina in exchange for Torrey Smith.

Rough times in the Beerguy house on the weekend. On Sunday, Winewife & I were taking the dogs out for a hike. Lambeau, the pup, decided to jump over my wife while she was getting him out of the car & ran into traffic. He ran into a car as it drove by at 50 km/h, putting a small dent in the sliding door of a Honda Odyssey.

My dog’s head dented a car.

The goofy little fucker walked around like Trent Green for a few minutes, and then merrily continued on his way. [We monitored him all night; nothing. Good thing I used the old NFL concussion protocols.] Winewife, however, decided that we needed to have an immediate, one-sided discussion about proper dog-unloading procedures. Needless to say, I employed one of the few “say nothing” cards I had at my disposal, and by bedtime all was resolved.

Except for Roger Goodell taking away one of my draft picks. Looks like I have to give up stout.

Riga, meanwhile, was frustrated that her attempts to finish off the interloper remain unsatisfied. She will begin anew next weekend.

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Leafs at Bruins  – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC (Bruins up 2-0)
  • Lightning at Devils – 7:30PM | CNBC / Sportsnet (Bolts up 2-0)
  • Predators at Avalanche – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Preds up 2-0)
  • Ducks at Sharks – 10:30PM | CNBC / Sportsnet1 (Sharks up 2-0)
• NBA:
  • Heat at 76ers – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
  • Spurs at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
• MLB:
  • Cardinals at Cubs – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • Royals at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Only if the ice stops falling off the CN Tower & through the roof.

https://twitter.com/ScottyMitchTSN/status/985946822240866308

• WWE:
  • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • The annual “Superstar Shake-up”, where performers are rotated between the two shows, is tonight.
      • So plenty of cross-over debuts.
    • John Cena & Nikki Bella broke up via press release yesterday, so expect lots of cat-calls tonight if Big Match John shows up.
      • They were due to have married May 5th in Mexico, according to People.
      • I guess “Never Give Up” doesn’t apply to relationships.

It’s 10 days to the Draft, with schedule release expected this Thursday. Mr. Scott?