FIFA Rank: 1st! That’s really good!
World Cup Group: It doesn’t matter, (but Group F), because they’d storm any group like it was Poland in 1939.
Hey, How’d They Get Here?: They beat the shit out of everyone in their European qualifying group, winning all 10 games and scoring 4+ goals a game. They got all those goals from 21 different players, so, yeah, they’re not only good, they’re fucking deep.
Hey, How Are The Germans At This World Cup Thing?: This is their 18th overall appearance. They’ve won the World Cup 4 times, including in 2014.
What Players Should I Look For?: They have the best goalkeeper in the world in Manuel Neuer, (Bayern Munich), so on the rare occasion that a team finds itself with the ball in German territory, you can take a look at him. Neuer is coming off his second foot injury in a relatively short period of time and might not be in his best shape, but let’s face it, the way the Germans score goals they could probably stick me back there and still win 7-5 against most teams.
Other players to watch are Jerome Boateng, (Bayern Munich), holding down the defense, Mesut Ozil, (Arsenal), organizing the attack out of the mid-field, Timo Werner, (RB Leipzig), the goal-scoring wunderkind, and Thomas Muller, (Bayern Munich; GDR Diving), whenever the team needs a dive in the penalty area, or
to get a card on the other team, or just for the hell of it.
I loathe Thomas Muller.
They’re coached by Joachim Low, whose pre-game speech is seen in its entirety here:
Any Cool Nicknames?: “Die Mannschaft”, or “The Machine”, so, fuck yeah they’ve got a cool nickname. Here’s another Machine that had a good time in Russia:
How Are The Fans?: 
Exhuberant
How Are The Germans Going To Do?: Germany has a history of early success in Russia. Unless this tournament somehow drags on into an unexpectedly brutal winter, and Germany decides to open up a second tournament at the same time, they should do fine. And by “fine” I mean they’re going to win the whole thing.
Things That Interest Hippo: You can get 7-1 odds that Germany doesn’t emerge from Group play, (which, no, just no), and 9-2 that they win the World Cup.
Editor’s Note: We have a World Cup Pool!! Please click the link below to sign up:
https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=149105
The pool password is “Balls”
As always, there will be a fabulous prize given to the winner. Join today!!
[…] T: Germany is the favorite to win the World Cup. For me, it will remain so until Germany fails to win a game […]
I am also in a midst of another fruit fly holocaust. I have my little apple cider/dish soap death ovens all over the house. I love to see them filling up.
/goddamned kids and their pre-Industrial Revolution hygiene
Just got all signed up for my 3HR new dad boot camp class.
I am just going to defer everything to his mother.
Haha….Campbell punking Duke so far.
Hehehehehe
Kent State survives. Improvement from the late 60s. AMIRITE?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX95QSKBODo
Early 70s. My apologies.
Today in GAMBLOR, I learned of a Sudamericano side called “Brasil de Pelotas” which I believe translates to “Brazil of Balls.” In case one is looking for a Kwanzaa present to buy a certain SoCal pervert…
I greatly appreciate this!
Betting on a heavy favourite to win the whole enchilada is just no fucking fun. Game by game, though? PRO TIP: Give it a few minutes, watch the line improve just enough, bet on the Krauts to win the first half.
If they unexpectedly go down a goal, REALLY bet on them to win the match and half. This was a successful Bayern trick for Hippo all season.
That Wonger #BFIB walkoff donger just took me over the $16K mark for the first time in ever.
/waiting for BetDSI to get their check payout system to get fixed. 😀
Hippo living high on the LiveBet life.
man, discovering the “Live Betting” option was like going from powder to crack rock. Fortunately, my maths brain means I am much, much better at it!
Why u think I stopped betting? That live bet shit is addictive.
Come on Starkville…three runs in the bottom 9th against a tired and tightened up pitcher from the delay. You can do this.
Eliminate these Seminole MF’ers…please.
You REALLY need to watch Everybody Wants Some…
Fuck yes!!!!
Suck it FSU. That’s what you get for eliminating NCSU from the ACC Tourney. Same pitcher too. Fuck him.
Go home ‘Noles!!!!!!!!
Mike Martin gon’ catch some shit over putting Parrish back in there after 2.5 hour delay.
That was an Elliott Avent move right there.
I have not seen any wolven ball all season. Still, no surprise we been eliminate. Tis our specialty.
We won today. Elimination delayed.
FSU is out on a 3run walkoff homer by MissSt., however.
Still gotta win three straight to advance, however. Including two on the same day (tomorrow).
One against tonight’s Auburn/Army loser (early tomorrow), then two (sunday night, monday night) against the winner.
This would be easier if Army finds a way to win tonight, btw.
NCAA Baseball is a little less stupid today.
Now Caps? Don’t let me down tonight.
They give the option to bet on it now (on BetDSI).
I have NAWT.
If you’ve got any comments for me, please forward them to my bathtub. I got me some reading to do.
R ya farting it into a hottub?
It’s kind of amazing how spoiled we are in the internet age. “I can’t believe it’s taking more than three minutes to download the entire Iron Maiden discography!”
“Three minutes in the Iron Maiden” was a popular game the kids played at Margret Thatcher’s high school (or schooul).
Still one handed tho; back then it was turning pages instead of mouse clicks.
Track and Field? Golf? Girl golf? I never expected broadcast TV to betray me so completely on a Saturday afternoon.
My Netflix isn’t loading because RTD’s last murdered stripper girlfriend refuses to respond to my seance requests. smgdh…
She wasn’t a stripper!
Wait, I mean what are you talking about, I don’t know anything about any murder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=476e_ck5H-M
Every player that takes on John Isner seems like an underdog because Isner is like nine feet tall.
I fucking hate it when tennis players apologize for a ball that hits the net cord and falls for a winner. Do soccer or hockey players apologize when a shot hits the post and goes in? Does an NFL kicker apologize for a kick that hits the post and goes through? No, because it’s part of the game, and not something you need to be “sorry” about.
Note: Canadian players are exempt from this dictum.
The Ventures are “The Official Band of NASCAR”. Let’s give them a listen…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bKG0p6Tv9Q
Germany’s biggest fan? I’m going with Chloe Vevrier
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep-lp5T6ghY
No idea who + one’d me (go figure) but I’m guessing he’s got balls.
I think Serena Williams might be both bigger and fitter.
I disagree. This girl is fit, she just has a gigantic rack.
Got damn!
Tennis or NASCAR. Sure there are winners but they sure as hell don’t include me as a viewer.
I feel like the only way to beat Serena Williams at tennis would be to get a bunch of poison, poison her food, and then sit back and wait and hope that it was enough poison.
“Whoa! Are you single?”
-Lucrezia Borgia
It’s booky rec time! I’m ankle-deep into ‘Blood in the Water’. It’s the well-researched tale of the 1971 Attica prison uprising. I did The Case of The General’s Thumb by Andrey Kurkov in two sittings. My throwback book? “Invisible Cities” by Italo Calvino.
Try “Killers of the Flower Moon” by David Grann. Blew me away.
I’ve read that. Just, just.. holy fuckballs.
“She was created out of Adam’s rib in order to convince him to eat a freakin’ apple? Give me a break!”
-excerpt from Hannah Arendt’s “The Banality of Eve”
I don’t see the reason that Satan got Eve involved in the first place – why not just stick the apple in the mouth of a roast suckling pig and get Adam to eat it that way?
-The Food Network, doing a book review of the bible
#1outoffivestriploins
Some good lamb recipes ,,,,,
I’ve just remembered one of the great things about being in California.
No redneck family members dropping in unexpectedly/uninvited.
High STI total though.
“Stupid Germans. I hope they don’t run the (periodic) table.”
-Primo Levi
-Gen. Friedrich Wilhelm Ernst Paulus
[Arrives to Germany’s first game in an Uber Alles]
-Arthur Shopenhauer
“So many good players… There’s your ‘surplus value’ right there.”
-Karl Marx
“My prediction for the winner this year? The Boys From Brazil.” [laughs maniacally]
-Martin Heidegger
they’re fucking deep
“Damn right! So fucking deep you might fall into the abyss.”
-Nietzsche
[completely original joke that wasn’t already in the post that I totally read first.]
You knew there would be a Germany story, right? There are three, actually. We’ll go with the most innocent one, cause the others are pretty sordid (one involves me learning that my girlfriend agreeing to consider a threesome does not give me license to make out with a girl I saw sunbathing topless in hopes of arranging said threesome, the other involved a MAJOR presumption that turned out just fine – don’t presume, kids – but I was also just about blackout drunk when it happened so I barely even remember it).
So one day I was sitting at the picnic table out front at The Spot sorting through a box of old CD’s. A German traveler fresh off the Baz Bus (this is a shuttle that brings travelers to backpackers lodges up and down the Kwa-Zulu Natal coast) sits down across from me. We start chatting and are getting along quite well. I ask her if she was there to surf and she tells me no, that she had been a gymnast and can barely swim. At some point shortly later we cross paths in the dormitory and have one of those moments where you find yourselves creeping closer until one of you makes a move, and then we started kissing a bit.
I can actually pin the date of this down to almost the exact day – between October 17 and October 20th, 2004. I know this because this happened during the “I Believe” run where the Boston Red Sox came back from a 3-0 deficit in the ALCS against the New York Yankees. I was getting up at about 2 a.m. local time to watch the games, during which I’d have to contain any of my reaction so as not to wake the dozen or so travelers sleeping in the next room. On this particular evening I actually *tried* waking up a traveler who was sleeping in the next room, but after a brief snuggly makeout session it was clear that she was more interested in sleeping than anything else so I went back to the living room and resumed watching the greatest comeback in sports history.
I wanna hear the other two stories. In detail.
Slapped with a news paper.
Indeed. This seems like a bit of a tease…
So you’re saying it never happened?
/October 2004 was redacted from history
It’s wild to me that they’re bringing essentially the 2014 team to Russia and if they win again, this team is so young, they could bring most of the players to Qatar in 2022.
Even if they bench Nuer, they have ter Stergen as the number 2, which is solid depth.
I think their biggest worry should be that they are wearing green for their alternate jerseys. I swear they always play bad when they wear the old east German colours
It’s true about the green! Must be some old Gypsy woman’s curse…
But Gypsies are treated with the utmost respect in Europe!
Especially in Germany.
Usually a group of Germans go to Russia first, and then South America.
Jessica gets her first Dexedrine script!
Look at that doctor. He gave her forget me nows and is going to do awful things to her when she passes out
Dr. Cosby?
I don’t know; Dexedrine and a strap-on; angry, frenzied pegging.
Wow. You could write a whole trashy beach-novel with just that picture as inspiration. The looks. The playful fingers on the counter. The unlimited pharmaceuticals.