Russia 2018–World Cup Day 5: Navigating Monday

Dodging work on Monday is especially difícil.  FFS, I actually have a conference call scheduled for this afternoon.  I for reals have to talk to other carbon-based life forms on the fucking phone, during the World Cup.  SIGH.  First World problemos.  Anyway, above is Tunisian Kenza Fourati, because reasons ok!

Group F – Sweden (+105) v. South Korea (+320; draw +205) (8:00 EST, FS1)

Damn, this is when I should be doing work.  This match has nil-nil written all over it, though it shouldn’t.  Each side really, truly, desperately needs all three points with pissed off Germany looming.  But it’s not really in their nature to go for it, especially non-Zlatan Sweden.

Prediction: nil-nil Draw, and lots of questioning your life choices

Balls: I also think this has draw all over it,  but I think the defenses are too weak for it to be 0-0. I will be watching this game intently to see what México has in store for them in the next two games.  I’m hoping for a lot of red cards and injuries.

Predicción:  I reckon a 1-1 tie will work even though a Sweden win would most likely make next weekend’s game against Germany a defacto elimination game for Ze Germans (a loss and they’re out).

Don T: You’d think that México’s win yesterday—i.e.,

Via culturacolectiva.com

 improved the expectations of Sweden and South Korea. I’m not so sure; any way you look at it, these two teams are the bottom dwellers of the group. Sweden’s offensive play gives heart to all fútbol haters. I’m not saying they’re a bad watch; but if you’re looking for action, you’d do better with an Ingmar Bergman film. South Korea, I’m rooting for you guys to win today and defeat Germany. Tottenham’s Son Heung-min could avoid mandatory military service in South Korea if the team goes far. Oh man; I couldn’t last one day in a regimented and shouty atmosphere. Hey, I already went through childhood—PASS.

Predicción: Sweden 0 : 1 South Korea

Group G – Belgium (-526) v. Panama (+1600; draw +575) (11:00 EST, FS1)

Ah, now we get to the good shit, group G!  On paper, this looks like a blowout, and likely gets there eventually.  But Panama could muck things up for quite awhile, and this torneo has not exactly been kind to massive favourites expecting to stroll into their more competitive stages without too much bother.  Still, De Bruyne and Lukaku make for must-see TV, and in the end they are just too damned much for the Canal Zoners.

Prediction: 2-nil, Waffles

Balls: This is the game,  based on Wakezilla’s preview,  where we actually could get injuries.  It will be interesting to see how the Belgians cope with Panama’s… aggressiveness.  Yeah,  let’s call it that.

Btw, I love when Hippo calls Belgium the Waffles. It always reminds me of this:

Prédiction: 3-0 Les Belges.

Don T: Belgium’s hella intriguing. The players are so talented that even Phil Jackson wanted to coach them. But the coach, Roberto Martínez…

[pensive emoji]

I like Martínez, but let’s be honest: he’s mostly a name. He is great on TV giving opinions and has overachieved in English fútbol with very bad teams. But give Martínez a mediocre team and he will not make them better. Those are my impressions; you can take your “facts” elsewhere. I have no idea if the players respect Boberto, but they are stars and young-ish. Thus, the diva potential among players is strong, which means a rift could turn into a mutiny after a couple of bad outings.

Per the preview, I’d expect Panamá to harass the Belgians and throw them off mentally. A scrap would be nice too, and ejections once the game’s outta hand. And I will love them for it because panameños speak the lingua franca of the Caribbean people: timbales and cowbell.

LIKE Y RT PANAMEÑOS.
¡SE VIVE LA EMOCIÓN🙌🇵🇦! Fanaticada de la Sele esperando el debut de Panamá en la Copa del Mundo ante Bélgica🇧🇪. #MundialTVMAX #TamosEnRusia 💪 pic.twitter.com/7kQ12VYPS3

— TVMAX Deportes (@tvmaxdeportes) June 16, 2018

Predicción: Belgium 3 : 0 Panamá, five yellow cards.

Group G – Tunisia (+750) v. England (-225; draw +320) (14:00 EST, FS1)

Holy crap, notice how they put even merry ole England on FS1 today.  I smell a conspiracy afoot.  Anyway, even stronger is the stench of recent British failure on the world (and continental) stage, and I think it continues here when they can only rally to salvage a late point against their game North African foes.  It will indeed be foreshadowing of bad tidings to come.  Jordan Pickford will do yeoman’s work to keep Tunisia at 1, but be slated in the yellow English press because he plays for Everton and that’s just how they roll.

Prediction: 1-1 Draw, lots of tea sets smashed to bits

Balls: I do not like English football.  I do not like the style of play,  I do not like the hype the Premier League gets,  and I do not like how badly English teams (club and country) play in International tournaments.

I specially don’t like that New Order put this song out:

I mean,  I like the beat,  but the lyrics are cringeworthy.

And that’s the problem with the English National Team.

The players are likable enough and not assholes like their older predecessors.  On their merits,  they should achieve some success this World Cup.  However,  the English Football establishment and the coach are unfortunately tied to a tired style of play not in sync with the rest of the world.

Prediction: A 2-1 England win that will have everyone in England thinking THIS IS THE YEAR until they inevitably crash back to earth.

Encore seulement parce que j’adore lire le français sur la peau d’une très belle fille:

Don T: This is the best of the immense crop of similar English taeks:

It’s kinda vexing that the English fans have morphed from deluded overconfidents to “we won’t make it past the group” self-deprecaters. It’s like they went to bed as Giants fans and woke up as Jets fans. I see through that shit: go fish for compliments elsewhere, assholes.

Fun fact: England is the only team in the World Cup composed exclusively of players from its domestic league. Sadly for the 3 Liouns, none of its players is from South America. I like this team, though–especially Kane, Alli and Sterling. And Gareth Southgate; he seems like a very professional manager and, in interviews, he speaks like a human capable of emoting. But let’s be clear: if England has a good campaign, it will NAWT be a “feel good story”. The English ain’t lovable nor underdogs. And while we’re at it, after starving India in WWII, I’ll say Churchill was a genocidal racist who’s gotten a lotta mileage out of bon mots and incredibly functional alcoholism. Enough with the Churchill; we’re well into the XXIst Century, people.

The highlight of Tunisia’s qualification for the World Cup was impressively concise prose. The Eagles of Death Metal Carthage qualified for the World Cup through a team made up of players from the Tunisian league. Then, for Russia 2018, the manager cut several players and recruited fellas born and raised in France. It’s well known that arrivistes screw team chemistry, but you don’t need much esprit de corps to park the bus.

Predición: England 1 : Tunisia 0.