Titans @ Texans – Monday Night Existential Open Thread

The last Monday Night game was the Chefs 51 – 54 RAMMMITTT! thriller that caused as much excitement as unease. Can that game be topped? Is the NFL becoming the Arena league? Does the present game meet the quota for violence required by longtime NFL fans? These are complicated issues that seem waaaay over the head of this game, as both teams are very behind the curve. Why even bother th–

 [Everybody: Fantasy! Drank! Fuck U care! ESCAPE!!! Under under under!

 OK OK. But if you need an excuse to drink, can you call yourself a reprobate? Hey, I’m not judging. Being a square is kewl now, handsome. 

The Titans are “Whatever” personified, unable to even enthuse the Sunday Ticket programmers to even DO THEIR DAMN JOB (see banner). Tennessee is 5-5 and has already logged losses against the Dolphins, Ravens, Real Chargers FC, and the suddenly coalescing Clots (6-5). So it’s either winning the AFC South or bust for the Tits. The dread is real and moves only in select circles: Vanderbilt fans in Tennessee, recalcitrant Oiler fans in Houston, and a handful of cheery nihilists around the world—all hanging on whether WR Taywan Taylor’s spaghetti hands are questionable or doubtful. The more modest the hope, the more tempting the “Fuck everything” becomes.

The Texans have been billed as an imaginary construct. But I know for a fact that they are covered by the Houston Chronicle’s John McClain, who is still stumping for Oiler player to make the Hall of Fame. (Essence precedes existence, bitches!) Truth is, I don’t hate the Texans—never have. They beat the Cowboys in their inaugural game and produced a trove of PTSD research through David Carr’s career. The Texans may be proven playoff fodder, at best, but they have DeAndre Hopkins. DeAndre Hopkins, of course, is a freakin’ beast.

DeAngelo Hall messed with DeAndre Hopkins in a preseason scrimmage. DeAndre Hopkins broke his ankle, then his spirit. DeShaun Watson ain’t bad either; he was an electric player last season until his knee injury, and has regained his form in strong games against Miami and Denver in Weeks 8 & 9. Watson had a bad game against the Redacteds last week, and the addition of WR Demarius Thomas to fill the absence of Will Fuller helps. Still, slinging it up there in double coverage to DeAndre Hopkins is not a bad strategy. Houston has a 7-game winning streak—now THAT I can hate.  You ain’t that good, Houston. Your OL sucks and secondary will–ah, who am I kidding. 

The Titans, dammit, are capable of producing any possible outcome. Beat on the Pats! Get smoked by Baltimore! WR Corey Davis has shown returns expected from the 5th pick in 2017’s draft, but he’s been equally likely to disappear altogether from games. The consistent stuff: RB Derrick Henry is verified Fantasy poison and CB Malcolm Butler has been feasted on like non-vegan options at a barbecue. The team goes as Marcus Mariota goes. He’s either a 4th Quarter assassin, or the guy lying on the board of the Operation game. Mariota injured his neck last game in Indy (not his nerve damaged elbow / throwing hand WOO!). Mariota’s good to go, and but the fear of Blaine Gabbert putting on his helmet is real. It’s goddamn disgusting that the Kaep stuff has been so long on the “He’s not gonna get signed, why even think about him” stage. Well, fuck that shit: the Titans are goddamn cowards for not even having a look. Fuck them and fuck this imposed resignation crap.

On the brighter side, TEN Defensive Coordinator Dean Pees has been cleared to coach tonight. He suffered a “medical issue” in the 2nd QRT at Indy last week, which some speculated was a mini stroke. Which would’ve been a nod to the deceased asshole Bob McNair. McNair fired Gary Kubiak as Texans HC for having the temerity to require leave after a stroke. A society cannot be considered free if it’s expected to respect the dead, even assholes who deserve a thorough roasting. My sole regret is that McNair will miss Bad Bunny as the halftime entertainment. Bad Bunny, of course, is the Puerto Rican trap star, who sings only in Spanish, and serenaded / disgusted everyone watching the Macy’s Day Parade. He was on the Sour Patch Kids float, among with many preschoolers. When he said cabrón, and nobody had any idea, well, that was beautiful AND seditious.

Go chaos!

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

R.I.P.

Bernardo Bertolucci, March 16, 1941 – November 26, 2018.

Beerguyrob

Unless you’re Maria Schneider.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Welp, I didn’t know that.
https://www.vox.com/2018/11/26/18112531/bernardo-bertolucci-maria-schneider-last-tango-in-paris

I was mainly referring to his directorial and writing career; which is extensive, of course it does not excuse that behavior, which growing exposure is making it as common as a mass shooting. Thanks for cheering me up, but I should have known.

Beerguyrob

Oh, lots of respect for most of his work. As the great Canadian poet Alan Thicke once wrote:

You take the good,
You take the bad,
You take them both, and there you have,
The Facts of Life.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll go watch Irréversible to cheer myself up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I always thought that scene made that movie worse, and didn’t think it had a place in it. I guess I know why. I just didn’t fit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s in my head so now it needs to be in yours too

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=htgr3pvBr-I

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Murder trump politically. Bury him in liberal demands. Define him. Then defeat him. Send him to the hereafter like Sonny at the tollbooth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d settle for Sonny Bono at the tree.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

I’m surprised he’s not playing McDonald’s monopoly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Prolly has an assistant do it for him; takes too long with too much concentration.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hear he may open a camp for that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

McDonald’s monopoly in detention? Fuck.

Fronkenshteen

Mexican terrorists are coming. And come, they should. But a false flag Mexi-terrorist attack is about to happen, because that is what it’ll take to seal off our southern border in a racist way. Enjoy!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A bunch of them are from Argentina.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just had to explain to a friend that Mike Huckabee’s son killed a dog. Damn mainstream media keeps failing the country.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
WCS

’tis a work of art.

Redshirt

Um, I hate to be that guy, but where was this guy when the drummer died?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking the other guy’s girlfriend, try and keep up

Senor Weaselo

Never forget the Isle of Lucy Festival.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW6W9iOjTKM

WCS

See?

WCS

It’s a Spinal Tap situation. Don’t ask questions.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, little Debbie gets to see a nude woman ripped in half by a mindful Great White.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Too far for a band joke.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ah, landing at DIA late enough for the train to be running less frequently than it should. That brings me back.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, this team beat the Patriots 34-10 8 days ago?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Pats list of losses this season is a head shaker. And Blake Bortles probably should have been in a Super Bowl but life’s odd.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“There was movement but didn’t have full control” get me out of a paternity case!

Senor Weaselo

Did anyone mention that Dalton was put on IR? Have we checked on Redshirt?

clint greasewood

Just looked at ESPN’s Total QBR rankings to see who is the average QB in the League and no other than Andy Dalton was ranked 16. With the Red Rifle now locked away in the gun safe it looks like Marcus Mariota is now Mr. Average.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/qbr

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of my favorite sequences ever in terms of the editing.

clint greasewood

Christmas candy is the best holiday candy

Senor Weaselo

Except questionable flavors of candy canes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I prefer the Chocolate Baby Jesus Candy to the Chocolate Santas.
Also, Chocolate Christ on the Cross >>>>>>>> Chocolate Easter Bunny, at that time of year.

Senor Weaselo

With red-colored filling?

Viva La Tabula Raza

No, that would be sacrilegious.

Senor Weaselo

Don’t you mean sacrilicious?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Stupid spell check.

Redshirt

I don’t know. Feeding off of a one foot chocolate Easter Bunny for days was a memorable part of my childhood. At least until my first heart attack at the age of 11.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What about nose candy?

–Ryan Leaf after finding a $20 bill

Redshirt
WCS

I actually watched this last week. The moral of the story is twofold: I make bad, bad life choices, and, people have faaaarrrr too much time on their hands.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You should try writing about them.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WCS should write about his bad life choices you see….

Beerguyrob

Pete Carroll wants to know where you found those sticks, and can they play safety?