[DFO] Hate Week Presents: The New England Patriots – An Open Thread (Of Hate)

Welcome to the second day of the Third Annual DFO Hate Week™, brought to you by the Quincy Market, the USS Constitution, and Boston drivers – where road rage is for both in front of & behind the wheel.

I could easily just repost my Hate Week articles from 2017 or 2018, but I care enough to try and bring original hate each season,

but forgive me if it does come off as repetitive.

The 2018 New England Patriots.

They fooled us all. They finished with an 11-5 record, and lost games to the Lions (6-10), Jaguras (5-11), Dolphins (7-9), Titans (9-7) & Steelers (9-6-1). When they lost, they looked bad

and it gave all of us hope. Hope that this might finally be the end of the Patriots dynasty. That we could look forward to February football and not have the spectre of this

staring back at us from our TV screens.

But our arrogance belied our fears. Misplaced faith in false prophets

led to the worship of false gods

as possible harbingers of the end of (Patriots) days. In that we were all swindled by Him, the Great Deceiver. It brings to mind ancient words that hearken as true today as they did then:

If we were wise, against so great a foe
Contending, and so doubtful what might fall.
I laugh, when those who at the Spear are bold
And vent’rous, if that fail them, shrink and fear
What yet they know must follow, to endure
Exile, or ignominy, or bonds, or pain,
The sentence of thir Conquerour: This is now
Our doom; which if we can sustain and bear,
Our Supream Foe in time may much remit
His anger, and perhaps thus farr remov’d
Not mind us not offending, satisfi’d
With what is punish’t; whence these raging fires
Will slack’n, if his breath stir not thir flames.

^{Paradise Lost – Book II; 202-214}

Thus, it is just as much our fault that the Patriots are once again in “The Big Game”. We worshipped the false gods that promised us salvation, yet proved inept at fulfilling said promises, hurling us headlong flaming from the ethereal sky with hideous ruin and combustion down to bottomless perdition, there to dwell in adamantine chains and penal fire, in a dungeon horrible, where peace and rest can never dwell, and hope never comes; torture without end.

Until He retires.

There are still records for Tom Brady to achieve, mainly in the regular season, since he owns most of the postseason QB records. He may never catch Drew Brees in regular season passing yards, but both of them are within distance of Peyton Manning’s 539 career regular season touchdowns – Brees 520; Brady 517. He could also catch Doug Flutie for the most rushing yards (212), and the most rushing touchdowns (4), for any player after turning 40 years old.

And if you think he’s not sticking around until he can hold every conceivable record, then you’ve forgotten about Spygate Brady & Deflategate Brady. That’s the Brady that’s still playing into his 40s. This underdog persona bullshit world only he lives in is the true mystique. How he fails to recognize his place in the pantheon of NFL QBs is what drives a significant amount of hatred towards him.

I don’t think we’re asking him to roll into town wearing his rings on his dick, but it would be refreshing once in a fucking while to hear him say something along the lines of, “Y’know, I’ve had a pretty good run,” or such.

It would let people know that he gets it, and not just act like the random cog in the Bill Belichick coaching machine he says he is. But Gisele & Bill have done such a masterful job cuckolding him that his default setting is “sub”.

And I think that’s what makes trying to appreciate his achievements maddening. He wants us to believe he doesn’t believe he’s been that good.

Even hating Brady & the Patriots – let’s face it, outside of Gronk & Edelman, the Pats are a faceless bunch – has become a routine February exercise. Deadspin today opined, “Hate The Patriots For The Right Reason”. And within five keystrokes I found enough back & forth on the issue to lead me to only one conclusion: Why can’t they just fuck right off?

Actually, that’s too simple a request. Because it requires ignoring a basic fact: the rest of the AFC East has been absolute dogshit the entire time. Think about it – if any other team had been able to consistently able to challenge the Patriots, Belichick would have had to tinker with the formula enough that Brady wouldn’t be Brady. Think for a minute about the quarterbacks Bill Belichick has flushed since he got to New England:

• Drew Bledsoe
• Damon Huard (2001-03)
• Rohan Davey (2002-04)
• Matt Cassel (2005-08)
• Doug Flutie (2005)
• Vinny Testaverde (2006)
• Bryan Hoyer (2009-11; 2017-18)
• Ryan Mallet (2011-13)
• Jimmy Garappolo (2014-17)
• Jacoby Brissett (2016)

Leaving aside the two guys at the end of their careers, which of these guys have succeeded once freed of the Patriots? If more opponents played like Bernard Pollard instead of Breeland Speaks, Belichick might have had to rely on his backups more often, and that would also have changed the New England dynamic.

But they haven’t been challenged within their own division enough, so they have had the ability to focus on defeating their Conference opponents every season. The Steelers have had to contend with their own division and the Patriots. The Manning-era Colts had to deal with their own division and the Patriots. “On to Cincinnati” means more than just moving on from a loss; it means focusing on opponents you need to prepare for, because you know the guaranteed wins you have in your pocket/division. And that’s what makes it so easy to hate Bill Belichick: he hasn’t been challenged for the throne.

As much as I want to hate Belichick & the Patriots, I have to rationally put equal hate into the incompetence that has been the Dolphins, Bills & Jets. But since their season strategies seem to be hoping this is the year the Patriots fail, why engage in hopeful thinking about poor management.  They haven’t been worth the time, so why start now?

In conclusion, this year’s Patriots are the same guys we’ve hated on in previous years. The only consistency has been at quarterback and head coach. The rest of the team are interchangeable pieces which serve only to compliment the master plan, which is to win – in a pattern so routine that it’s that routine which has become the most hate-able aspect of the Patriots dynasty. Wes Welker could show up all Molly’d out on game day thinking he’s at the Kentucky Derby,

and Belichick would have a strategy already in place to avoid the drug test and then get him 6 catches for 40 yards. Yesterday we discussed what is driving fans away from the league. Outside of New England, it’s the Patriots. Until they get bad again, over a consistent period, no one will ever really believe they are out.

So – for the good of the league, I repeat this same belief I’ve expounded every year, with every ounce/gram of honesty I can muster:

Fuck the Patriots.