This one’s gonna hurt me, just so you know.
And I know at the end of last week I said this would be a multi-parter. I’ve changed my mind on that. I’m just going to leave a lot of stuff out because…
….the better part of valor, one might say.
OK, first for those who don’t know, tWLS is a play on my own screen name. tWLS meant theeWeeLadySeamus.
And I thought she was going to be that. I really did. Seriously, I thought she was “the one”. I really did. Otherwise I’d never have given her that moniker. I thought to myself, it took me over 50 years to find her, but this is it. I’ve finally found “the one”.
But sometimes things don’t always go as planned. Or maybe “often” things don’t go as planned.
Let’s do this and get it over with.
This is going to get a little convoluted, but I’ll try to tell it as clearly and concisely as possible.
Last fall, in October to be exact, I was pulled into a conversation on facebook. tWLS was having an issue with water turtles. As silly as that sounds, it’s the truth. Wildlife kinda freaks her out.
She and I were high school friends in MD back when I wasn’t old. We weren’t romantic back in those days. In fact you might say we weren’t more than just acquaintances who ran in the same circle of friends. Yep that’s very accurate, actually. And as ironic as it sounds, the girl who pulled me into the aforementioned conversation, also a former high school classmate, is a former high school girl friend.
One night in October of 2018, I get a facebook private msg from this other different high school friend pulling me into this discussion about these water turtles. I look at the photos, and immediately see that the turtles are just migrating through. Nothing to be worried about. I msg back to the group, but mostly to the not yet tWLS, just leave ’em alone, they’ll be gone by tomorrow. And they were.
But the former tWLS and I then begin to msg one another privately over the next however many days and weeks. There’s a “click” between us.
Now, as I said, we were high school classmates in MD, though she currently spends most of her time in Florida. She more or less relocated to Florida when her father was dying. And she is still there now taking care of her mother. More on that later.
But as it turned out, I had a trip up to MD planned at the same time she was going up to MD for a few days to take care of some things at her house there. So we agreed to get together. And we did. Late November/Early December this would have been if memory serves me.
And it was magnificent.
Have you ever been with someone you cared about? Someone you respected? And in the moment you really didn’t need to talk, but just “be”? That’s how it was.
It was nice.
Getting To Know You
Because things had gone so nicely between us in MD, we agreed that I’d go down to Florida and spend a little time with her there. At the time I didn’t know where the realtionship was going, or even if it was going anywhere. I just knew I really enjoyed her and her company. And that she needed some help. And it gave me an excuse to get out of North Cackalacky.
So I went. Early January of 2019 this would be, I think.
And again, it was magnificent.
We had a very nice time. Her mother fell in love with me (parents have always liked me, just like ducks….not sure why). I helped with some stuff she was dealing with there. Even cooked for her mother a coupla times. It was nice. Sincerely. Very domestic.
Then I had to come back home and take care of my own stuff for a bit. No big deal.
But she had to flip flop back to MD again because that’s where her doctor is. She was having some issues and she had to have what I’ve come to call “lady part surgery”. By now we’re in late January, 2019. I know the exact date, but shouldn’t say probably. And I was there for her for her “lady part surgery”.
But suffice to say I drove up and met her there at the airport, got her home, then made sure to get her to the doctor. I was her “emergency contact”. I’m the one who stayed by her bedside. I’m the one who was there when she woke up.
And when she woke up, as I was sitting by her bed holding her hand. She looked at me and smiled and said “I’m so happy you’re here with me”.
Turns out once the anesthesia wore off, that sentiment changed. To this day, I’m not certain why. Mostly because she shuts down and refuses to talk to me about it.
Complications Part I….AKA The Beginning Of The End
For the next several days as she recovered, I cooked and cleaned and waited on her. Seemed like the right thing to do. I love her, what can I say? I made certain she was taken care of. And she was doing well. Recovering well. And it seemed that we were doing well. As a couple I mean.
Then we get a phone call.
Her mother, in Florida, had fallen. Fallen through a glass table, actually. And shit went sideways before I ever saw it coming.
tWBS: You have to go back.
tWLS: I don’t want to.
tWBS: I know. But you have to. I promise I’ll be right behind you. We’ll get things taken care of.
tWLS: I love you
tWBS: I love you too.
So then, I put her on a plane from BWI to Sarasota. And spoiler alert….that was the last time I ever heard her say she loves me.
Then I went back to the house in MD and packed our things and closed the house up.
Then I started driving. From Baltimore to Sarasota. Took me two days, but that was only because I was short on sleep already and had to stop halfway through and nap. Somewhere in South Carolina if I remember correctly.
I got to Sarasota and I delivered her luggage to her and checked on her mother. She had some scrapes and cuts, but was not mortally wounded. And seemed to be in good spirits. Good deal.
Then I went and checked into my hotel.
Now, you might be asking why a hotel after all of this? Well, her mother is old fashioned, more or less. I did not want to offend her. Simple as that. So hotel. No big deal.
Complications Part II
Part of what was going on at the time was the anniversary of tWLS’ father’s death. They are of Jewish faith. His marker had been laid down, and they were to have what they call an “Unveiling”. I had been helping her deal with details of that, but because of commitments here in North Carolina, I was going to be unable to be there for that unveiling ceremony. But once we got back to Florida, there were many things to be dealt with even after we determined tWLS’ mother was OK from her fall. So more or less, I became an errand boy. Which right or wrong, I was fine with. Honestly, I just wanted to be there for her and make things easier for her. I knew it was a stressful time for her. So just tell me what can I do?
Then she shut down on me.
I’m sitting in a Florida hotel room, and I don’t hear from her for days. I msg her, try to call her. Nothing.
Finally, the day before I’m supposed to leave to come home to NC she tells me she’s on her way to go to check on her father’s marker in advance of the unveiling.
tWBS: May I come meet you there? Even though I can’t be there for the unveiling, I’d like to pay my respects.
(a few minutes pass)
tWLS: I’m thinking.
(about an hour passes)
tWLS: Why don’t you just go to the beach?
And right or wrong, that pissed me right the fuck off. I’m there in order to try to help and support her. I got you on a plane to make sure your mother was OK. Then took care of your shit in MD, and then drove from there to Florida pretty much on a moment’s notice. And you tell me to just go to the beach? When I’m telling you I want to pay my respects to your deceased father?
Yes, it pissed me off. It hurt my feelings.
So I took her advice and I went to the beach. Just not the one she expected. I immediately packed my shit, checked out, and I left and went to Myrtle Beach.
She was not happy about that. Needless to say. But she should have thought of that before she said that shit to me.
I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.
I told things about myself to this woman I’ve never told anyone. And now, probably never will again. And she seemingly accepted them and loved me for me. Seemingly being the keyword I suppose. And then without warning, she shut down on me. I’m pretty sure I know the reasons, but it’s not my place to say here. But it’s complicated from her side. I don’t necessarily blame her. She can’t help it.
But that was on February 14th. Valentines Day. How ironic, huh?
Since then we’ve still been in contact here and there, trying to rebuild a friendship. But as of last night, that’s looking very unlikely I’m afraid. I’ve only actually spoken to her by voice twice in those 4 and a half months. We always communicate by text msg, which doesn’t work. And of course usually just makes things worse.
She has not admitted her part of the fault here mostly. Mostly because she refuses to actually talk to me. I have admitted my part of the fault multiple times to try to get her to talk. She says I don’t listen. Well it’s pretty fucking hard to listen when you’re not talking.
I love this woman. Let me repeat that… I LOVE this woman. I would have died for her. I would have taken a bullet for her. She has a good heart. I admire what she’s done for her father, and now her mother. I enjoy her company a great deal.
But sadly, I had to come to the realization that until she decides to actually talk to me and not try to do this by text, it’s never going to be fixable.
I told her that last night, actually. Among a few other things.
The ball is in her court.
Sincerely, I love this woman. I wish her no ill will and want the best for her. But she’s unable to return those feelings right now. Currently, she ain’t exactly the emotional version of Serena Williams (get it…return it?).
And I’ve grown tired of dealing with this shit.
And the last time I saw her, it felt a lot like this…
I’m done now.
Next week , the second part of Asia.
Or rather the first part. I forgot we’re going backwards.