2019 Quotables – Week 3 (Submissions)

I’m late. And when you’re this late, you don’t get to talk.

So here. Enjoy you Week 3 Quotables submissions below.


As bad as that Steeler got tossed aside, I’d expect to see a tariff on Kyle Juszczyk next week.

It’s a bad sign for your salad-tossing skills when Jay Gruden doesn’t even change his facial expression, Cub.

This dude drives a Dodge Stratus! People fear him!


This was not flagged because the referee for the Lions-Eagles game is, apparently, an owl.

Too fast to be Andy Reid but about 400 lbs underweight to be Meghan McCain.

THE PROFESSOR!

Your 2019 Miami Dolphins Highlight Reel

You know, Jeffrey Dahmer got his start by absolutely murdering cats too…
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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 3 (Submissions) – September 25, 2019 […]

Unsurprised

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The royal asshole is clean, Your Highness.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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This is a pretty good imitation of a Philadelphia Eagles fan following a police horse.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I haven’t seen someone ejected so unceremoniously by a 49er since that time in 1849 when a gold prospector wanted access to land that was inhabited by Native Americans.

Brocky

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There’s something oddly familiar about a last name ending in czyk and a steelers player getting wrecked going a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

nomonkeyfun

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In actuality Fox accidentally played B-roll from a story about 4 year old pee wee football parents.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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[Coach in background wakes up from mandatory sideline nap time] Hey guys, what’d I miss? Oh, GOD.

LemonJello

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**record scratch** “Yeah, that’s me getting faked out of my jock. You’re probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, it started about five seconds ago when the ball was snapped…”

LemonJello

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“HEY YOU! YEAH ALL OF YOU ON THE FIELD! I’M SENDING POSITIVE THOUGHTS YOUR WAY AND I HOPE YOU JUST GO OUT THERE AND PLAY THE GAME TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOURSELVES. OH, AND ONE OTHER THING; THANK YOU FOR LETTING US ENJOY YOUR ATHLETIC PROWESS AS SPECTATORS!”

Game Time Decision

i read this in a Will Ferrell voice.

LemonJello

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/humming Purple Haze
‘SCUZE ME WHILE I FLIP THIS GUY!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fucking good.

LemonJello

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They’re both delicious AND get your uniform clean. TIDE PODS!

SonOfSpam

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Haven’t seen a Sanders head yanked that violently since Sarah Huckabee mistook her husband’s dick for a Zagnut bar.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brilliant.

Game Time Decision

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I get wanting to be like Zeke*, but me thinks he’s had too many paint chips
*not really

SonOfSpam

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Yep, that’s my dad. He’d take me to Eagles’ games every fall, singing Linkin Park songs while the players warmed up. People around us complained sometimes, but it taught me a lot CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, REFUSING WHAT IS REAL about how to handle adversity.

Game Time Decision

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Voice over: This week in “Animal vs Animal” we look at the Bengal Tiger vs the Buffalo.
Voice over: dammmmmmmmmmm

ArmedandHammered

They should call him the Cape Buffalo Bill.

Game Time Decision

It rubs the lotion on it’s skin or it gets the hose

nomonkeyfun

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TFW you realize you report to Dan Snyder.

LemonJello

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“BEASTMODE…ACTIVATE!”
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LemonJello

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“Time to polish that turd of a résumé.”

Downfield Matriculator

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In keeping with Bills tradition, Knox threw his gloves away afterwards and got a ride home with Al Cowlings.

nomonkeyfun

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“I haven’t seen a hit like that since Trent Green was an NFL QB. I wonder whatever happened to him.”

-T. Green

nomonkeyfun

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This is like watching a 9 year old, beat up his little brother, with angry Dad standing in the corner cracking his knuckles.

nomonkeyfun

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Typical Pole, trying to disemvowel vryn.

nomonkeyfun

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Flintstones, meet the Flintstones…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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No, take the head with it

–Jordan Howard fantasy owners

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I didn’t realize Jovan Belcher was still on the Chiefs starting defense

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Folding table fire, dumpster fire, what’s the difference?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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True dedication to throw back night includes cosplaying the days when players still had to go off to war to fight for our country

nomonkeyfun

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Jim Tomsula approves of this demonstration of the skills needed to steal a railroad bulls food.

nomonkeyfun

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Ah, the calm rational Eagles fan has been spotted.

Enrico Pallazzo

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I TOLD YOU TO TRUST THE PROCESS!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He also looks like an “OBAMA; WORST PRESIDENT EVER!!” type.

Downfield Matriculator

Apparently, he works at Penn’s admissions office.

https://www.phillyvoice.com/eagles-lions-fan-penn-dean-admissions-eric-furda-nfl-fox-video-twitter/

/something something Quaker something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I saw that somewhere; this is all fitting in now.

Unsurprised

Worse. He’s the DEAN of Admissions.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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I haven’t seen a white guy that slippery since the 2016 Election.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[or that bottom in the gay porn parody film; Lorenzo Oiled]

Don T

??

ArmedandHammered

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“Let’s see, a white male defender and an offensive black male. No flag” – Blue lives matter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Relax; Sanders was arrested after the game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HA, should have shot him; that looks like a gun he’s carrying.

ArmedandHammered

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Weird time to play red light, green light.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a terrible joke, which means this one is excellent and should be a winner [seriously].

ArmedandHammered

Thank you, not sure why that is the first thing I thought of, but it works.

ArmedandHammered

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That moment when you realize that no matter how badly your brother fails, you are still a bigger loser than he is.

ArmedandHammered

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Hurns should thank you notes to the Cowboys since he will no longer be able to remember the rest of the Dolphins’ season.

ArmedandHammered

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Kyle Juszczyk’s new nickname is China, because he just caused a Steeler to lose his job.

LemonJello

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Referee: “Probably has that illegal visor tint like OBJ. Serves him right. I didn’t see nothing.”

LemonJello

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“And if you slow this clip down, you can see the exact moment that his soul leaves his body.”

Game Time Decision

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It’s usually (Col) Sanders wringing all the necks

Game Time Decision

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Simon says touch your ears