“When ‘All Y’all’ Are Better” – The 2019 Atlanta Falcons At Their Bye

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Hi everyone,

(checks nfl.com to see if Dan Quinn has been fired yet.)

It’s your old pal Beerguyrob, with a mid-season looksee into the progress the Atlanta Falcons are making this year.

Woof!

Well, there’s been some bumps along the way, and after failing to complete their comeback against the Seahawks the Falcons entered their bye with a 1-7 record. Why, they’re even behind Tampa Bay – who don’t even have an NFL-calibre quarterback!

So, what’s gone wrong? PLENTY!

(checks espn.com to see if Dan Quinn has been fired yet.)

The most damning stat I can find is this: The Falcons have been outscored 144 to 50 in the first halves of games this season. They’ve had to try & come from behind in 6 of eight games so far this season.

FYI: There have been 35 “Caught From Behind” episodes, but those are different tapes to grind.

Even before Matt Ryan sprained his ankle & missed Sunday’s game against the Seahawks, his numbers told the tale of a QB leading a team in trouble. When he got hurt early in the fourth quarter against the Rams, he was 16 of 27 for 159 yards & had been sacked five times. It was the first time all season he had failed to throw for over 300 yards. In seven games Ryan has been sacked 19 times, and was on pace to be sacked 43 times this season prior to the injury. Both of these statistics fall in line with a team that paid millions to hold on to their franchise QB, but aren’t getting the return they expected after paying even more millions to strengthen their offensive line.

The offensive line, with a combined cap number of $36,742,347, accounts for 21.9% of the team’s total cap this season. The problem is that 50% of that amount lies on just two players – Alex Mack & Jake Matthews.

To compensate, the Falcons had planned on giving plenty of starting reps to rookies Chris Lindstrom (right guard) and Kaleb McGary (right tackle), but Lindstrom has been on IR since Week One and McGary’s growth was stunted by a preseason heart procedure, and then he injured his left knee & now wears a brace.

(checks cbssports.com to see if Dan Quinn has been fired yet.)

Kicking has also been a sore point, as 800 44 year-old Matt Bryant went half-Vanderjagt on Sunday, shanking two field goals that Seattle turned into 14 points. Bryant had actually retired after last season, but was coaxed back into active duty when Giorgio Tavecchio crapped out during the preseason. They brought in two kickers on Monday for tryouts – Elliott Fry (ex-Bears) and Younghoe Koo (ex-AAF). On Tuesday they released Bryant, presumably to return to the nice farm upstate where he will live out his days. They then signed 2017 Charger-for-four-games Younghoe Koo (pictured below) to replace him.

He should be good outdoors.

As the season has slid into the shitter, the Falcons have decided to become sellers at the trade deadline. They helped New England one more time by solving their Antonio Brown problem, by trading them Mohamed Sanu in exchange for a 2020 second-round pick.

(checks browns.com to see if Quinn has been hired to replace Freddie Kitchens.)

Owner Arthur Blank is an honorary chair of the Georgia Humane Society, so he’s likely against putting down animals. But he might make an exception for “Dead Man Walking” Dan Quinn.

Few teams have gone from Super Bowls to laughing stocks as quickly as the Falcons have.

Thumbs up indeed, ma’am.

Three years on, and it’s hard to believe Kyle Shanahan looks like the brains behind the operation that got the Falcons to the Super Bowl. However, It’s still not hard to believe that he also cost them that Super Bowl. The Falcons are 18-22 in the regular season since losing that 28-3 lead to the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LI. That’s not exactly a stellar record to hang one’s hat on, and makes it likelier that Quinn is past the “coaching for his job” stage and just waiting for the hangman’s noose.

Or executioner’s needle.

After their bye, they play five straight against divisional opponents – at Saints & Panthers; then home versus the Bucs, Saints & Panthers. They wind up their season in San Fran, home to Jacksonville, and finish on the road in Tampa. There’s a bunch of hungry teams there that will want to feast on the Falcons to pad their records in the divisional & wildcard races, so I don’t expect the situation to improve.

(Checks tsn.ca to see if Dan Quinn has been named new Argos coach.)

In my season preview, I said “I can’t see the Falcons doing better than 10-6. They’ll miss the playoffs.” LOOKIT THAT FUCKING GENIUS! They’ve already lost seven games, so that wisdom is out the fucking window. Now – seeing as they still get Tampa twice & Jacksonville once, I’m prepared to gamble $54.83 in Canadian Tire dollars

Only monsters film in portrait.

that they don’t finish better than 3-13. They can cut the in-stadium prices all they want,

but – as evidenced last Sunday

By the thousands of empty, expensive seats.

– it’s not going to get better.

(Checks nhl.com to see if Pat Quinn has risen from the dead to coach the Leafs.)

To conclude – since I did compare the Falcons to beer in my season preview – I feel it’s only fair to be consistent & end with what they look like now:

The Atlanta Falcons – #UpForWhatever!

Mouse arrow hesitates over “publish”. Knows Dan Quinn will be fired moments after…

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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litre_colaBrettFavresColonoscopyBeerguyrobMoose -The End Is Well NighKing Hippo Recent comment authors
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litre_cola

They could really use Ron Mexico.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

$2.50 for nachos is a great deal, though.

Horatio Cornblower

/Checks DFO to see if “Quan Dinn” has joined as a Kommenter

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He was on the last chopper out.

blaxabbath

Yeah the Falcons suck ass alright. Question is….

No — I don’t have any questions.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

RISE UP!
/crashes into stuck-closed Megatron Sphincter, dies

Quality bye week recap. LOFTY bye week recap.

bk109
bk109

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Falcons’ gotta Falcon

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There we go!

Game Time Decision

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that’s not $54.83 in c-tire money. does that much c-tire money actually exist?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m tyred.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It just seems like this team doesn’t have a dog in the fight this season.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh so nostalgic.

ballsofsteelandfury

You had me at Sensual Anal-Erotica

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I would have guessed at Younghoe?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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