NFL Nuggets:

• A regular offseason tradition was upheld last night as a Dallas Cowboy was arrested for a DUI. 
  • Wide receiver Ventell Bryant was stopped by Tampa police at approximately 2:30 a.m. after he was spotted driving with his headlights off.
    • He failed a field sobriety test and his BAC was measured at .102 and .099.

• Michael Bennett would like to finish his career in Seattle.
  • After being traded three times in two years, he’d like a chance to wrap up his career where it went best for him.
  • Having had his value driven down over the last three years, he would come fairly cheap to a team in the middle of the salary cap gap.

• The latest Brady rumour: Tampa!
  • Bruce Arians has had enough of 30-pick seasons, and wants someone who can lead the team now while he drafts & molds an eventual replacement.
    • Dreamboat fits that agenda because he’s Tom Fucking Brady.
  • According to the Tampa Bay Times, “this is the 67-year-old Arians, who has coached Ben Roethlisberger, Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer wanting to complete the set. This is an ownership with 45,000 or more empty seats at Raymond James Stadium to sell for eight Sundays, knowing one guy who can fill them.”
    • They’ve also written about how Florida will also suit Gisele, because she’s Brazilian & Tampa has many diseases common to favelas.
  • If that plan fails, then it’s on to Teddy Bridgewater.

• An exciting time for draft mavens, as the list of compensatory picks has been released.
  • Compensatory free agents are determined by a formula based on salary, playing time and postseason honors.
    • What it comes down to is how many free agents did a team lose, how well did the player play after leaving, how much did he help that new team, and how much improved was that team’s record versus the previous year.
  • Fifteen clubs qualified for 32 picks, which start at the end of the third round.
    • Because God is cruel, the Patriots lead with four picks & 14 overall, followed by the Broncos, Texans, Vikings, Giants, Eagles and Seahawks with three.

Proposed rule changes!

• In advance of the annual NFL Spring meeting – which they have not yet indicated they will cancel – there are a number of rules teams would like introduced or changed: (text via nfl.com)
  • The “fourth-and-15 from its own 25” onside kick option (proposed by Philadelphia).
  • Modify the blindside block rule to prevent unnecessary fouls (proposed by Philadelphia).
  • Make permanent the expansion of automatic replay reviews to include scoring plays and turnovers negated by a foul, and any successful or unsuccessful try attempt (proposed by Philadelphia).
  • Restore preseason and regular season overtime to 15 minutes and implement rules to minimize the impact of the OT coin toss (proposed by Philadelphia).
  • Provide the option to the defense for the game clock to start on the referee’s signal if the defense declines an offensive penalty that occurs late in either half (proposed by Miami).
  • Add a “booth umpire” as an eighth game official to the officiating crew (proposed by Baltimore and the Los Angeles Chargers).
    • A “sky judge” according to ESPN, that would use a total field perspective to review calls made on the field.
  • Add a senior technology advisor to the referee to assist the officiating crew (proposed by Baltimore and the Los Angeles Chargers).

Finally, it looks like Gronk’s going to SummerSlam!

Thanks for the invite to the Beach Party @RobGronkowski … maybe you should come to our party in Boston … heard it’s the biggest of the summer. @StephMcMahon pic.twitter.com/eRQ8z0UmQI

— Triple H (@TripleH) February 1, 2020

Belichick looks thrilled to be amongst all those hew-mons. You know if Trips isn’t there he’s asking Steph what she’s doing after the boat docks.

Today’s Covid-19 fun is brought to you courtesy washyourlyrics.com.

Last night, Dok Zymm made the observation that “Covid-19” has the same lyrical pattern as “Come On Eileen”. Well, thanks to helpful sites on the internet (“The Internet – Not Just For Porn!”), you can see how long that song helps you stay safe.

It gets you right up to the start of the chorus. After that, it was Rabbit Hole Time!

Really, it’s fun to do with just about any song,

although the poster takes on a foreboding meaning the darker your lyrics get,

until you come to the realization that it is in fact you who are the disease.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, officer. I’m washing my hands to prevent disease.”

Oh, and just so you’re warned, DR. Trump will be “speaking to the nation” at 9:00PM ET tonight about his crisis response. Looks like Eric finally has something to do!

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Sharks at Blackhawks – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • Jets at Oilers – 9:00PM | Sportsnet
• NBA:
  • Nuggets at Mavericks – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • Pelicans at Kings – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
• NCAA:
  • ACC Basketball Tournament:
    • Notre Dame vs. Boston College – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN
    • Syracuse vs. North Carolina – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN
  • Big 12 Basketball Tournament:
    • Oklahoma State vs. Iowa State – 7:00PM | ESPNU / TSN4
    • TCU vs. Kansas State – 9:00PM | ESPNU / TSN4
  • Big East Basketball Tournament:
    • Georgetown vs. St. John’s – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Xavier vs. DePaul – 9:30PM | FS1
• Wrasslin’:
  • AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
  • NXT – 8:00PM | USA

I originally had Death’s “Scream Bloody Gore” as the final poster, but the lyrics seemed a tad excessive for a fun little post. I guess I’ve evolved as a person.