Sunday Gravy with yeah right: I’m hungry, let’s make a taco.

yeah right

Good morning fellow quarantiners! Hope everyone is still feeling healthy and relatively disease free.

As we muddle through our virus induced madness it’s important to remember that it’s safer if you cook your own food. Always tastier too. And since there are no sports of any kind right now, another thing we shut-ins can do is stay home and read about food.

See? Two solid fucking ideas to help you while away the time until we’re allowed back outside and the toilet paper shelves have been restocked.

God help us, the world has lost its goddamn mind.

Got to be honest though, I am definitely washing my hands more frequently and more thoroughly and I’ve taken to wandering around work using a piece of paper towel to open doors.

Let’s just say I’m not panicked but I don’t want the nasty fucking virus either. You don’t know where that virus has been!

Enough!

That shit will drive you fucking nuts if you keep thinking about it.

I’ve got a better idea.

Let’s make some fucking tacos!

Sure we’ve dabbled in the taco madness before.

Back in 2016 DJ TAJ filled in for me while I was recovering from yet another goddamn knee surgery and gave us these.

That’s your basic American gringo taco.

Why just last year I gave you a tiny bit more advanced recipe for the Sunday Gravy season finale.

Still pretty simple and easy – although this one was vegan with the “Beyond” meat – but we did make our own pickled jalapenos for that one.

I had something more authentic in mind today.

Something like a street taco. With some carnitas maybe, some pickled red onion, some of those homemade jalapenos, maybe some fresh fire roasted salsa all served on a corn tortilla.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Now.

What if we made EVERYTHING from scratch?

Including the tortillas!

Fuck yes I did and it was life altering.

Got a few links I’m going to dump on you because several of these items have been made before but we do have two brand new disciplines for you today; fire roasted salsa and homemade corn tortillas.

PLUS! I’ve got a brand new kitchen toy to fuck with.

Yeah boy.

That link right up there to the season finale of Sunday Gravy has all the instructions for making the pickled jalapenos but I did take a couple of photos to assist you along.

That’s my sliced up jalapenos and carrot.

And this…

is after I poured on the pickling solution.

Refrigerate for a week before serving and these can last in your refrigerator for a couple of months.

We also had some pickled red onion…

that was pickled a couple of weeks ago. I covered those details in our falafel episode.

For a protein, you regulars know I went after that pig.

We’ve done carnitas before. Many times. I’ll give a photo or two as we go along as well.

For a side I chose the always popular refried beans, and the recipe for those can be found with a simple press of that search feature up there at the top of this here blog or just look in that first “carnitas” link as well.

Let’s get to the new shit shall we?

Fire roasted salsa!

I made the salsa the day ahead to let the flavors marry together.

7 roma tomatoes cut in half

6 cloves of garlic – you don’t have to peel the paper off until after roasting

1 onion cut into chunks

1 pasilla pepper – a poblano or Anaheim would work as well.

Jalapenos, use as many as you like for heat. I used 1 today and it needed more. Way more.

1 lime – juiced

Some cilantro

2 teaspoons of salt

1/2 teaspoon of sugar (optional)

1-2 tablespoons of olive oil

1/2 teaspoon of cumin.

Original recipe inspired by budgetbytes.com.

First, let’s preheat our oven to 450 degrees for our “fire roasting.” Fuck it, you can do this in an electric oven too.

Grab a big ass baking pan, line it with foil and get your veggies on there.

Drizzle the olive oil over the top and give them a quick toss. Then into the preheated oven you go for about 30 minutes.

When done…

you’ve got some lovely roasted vegetables.

Here’s a cool idea, you can use this method to fire roast any one of these veggies. You know all the many times I’ve shown you how to fire roast chilies over the burner on your stove?

This method could replace that shit.

Look at the pepper after roasting.

That tough-ass skin peeled right off and it sliced up beautifully. Fuck yes, I’ll use this method for fire roasting next time. Remove the stems from the chile and the jalapeno. You can remove the seeds too for a milder salsa.

Honestly? I’m gonna throw in a fucking habanero next time to kick it up.

Now get everything into the blender.

Then add in the lime juice, cilantro – I used about half of the bunch, leaves only – the cumin, salt and sugar and grind this shit up. When finished it looks like this.

Season with additional salt as needed.

Some quick observations: yeah, the color is a little funky. Instead of being the vibrant bright red most salsas have, this one was a little more orange. I’m guessing the size of the chile impacted that. Next observation; it was a little sweeter than it needed to be, which is why I added the (optional) label to the sugar. Also, it needed a lot more than 1 jalapeno to bring up the heat.

Don’t get me wrong, the overall flavor is delicious. Just heed any or all of my suggestions to adjust the heat and sweetness levels.

Refrigerate overnight.

Actually a fair amount of the work for our finished meal was accomplished the day before serving. We’ve got the salsa ready for tomorrow and the pickled onions and jalapenos are ready in the fridge as well.

Shit, we may as well get a pre-soak on those beans while we’re at it.

Yep, that’s a motherload of produce for this meal.

So this next bit I’m going to do chronologically. This is how shit went down on taco day.

Get some pig!

That’s the typical bone-in pork shoulder (Boston butt) right there.

Get out your Dutch oven, add some cooking oil and over a medium-high heat get that pig toasty!

That’s been seasoned with salt, pepper, chile powder and cumin. Sear for about 6-7 minutes per side. Give her a flip to sear all sides.

Next add in the onion, jalapeno, garlic, a cut up orange, some cilantro (if using) then cover everything with 32 ounces of chicken stock and one 12 ounce beer.

Grab a lid for the Dutch oven, place it slightly ajar over the pot, reduce heat to low and simmer this bastard for 3 to 3 1/2 hours stirring and rotating periodically.

Remove the pig from the pot, let cool, remove the bone, cut into chunks and brown the bits under a broiler until the chunks get crispy.

Boom. Carnitas.

Just as you get the pig seared, seasoned and started simmering go ahead and start cooking the beans.

Here’s the bean recipe if you need it.

That’s the pre-soaked beans, onion, garlic, chile de arbol, salt, pepper, cumin and chile powder. Like the pig, get a lid slightly ajar over the top of the pot, reduce heat to low, simmer for 2 1/2-ish hours while stirring occasionally.

About 30 minutes before the beans finish, yeah you know the drill.

Get some bacon. Cut up some bacon.

Fry up that bacon.

Remove that bacon to a plate lined with a paper towel, set aside for later and, yep, dump that sexy fucking bacon grease right into them beans!

At the end of the cooking time, break out your immersion blender, give a few pulses.

Rendering them thusly.

Now. Didn’t I say something about a new kitchen toy?

Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you…

The BFTP 5000!

That, my friends is a solid-ass cast iron tortilla press that I’ve dubbed the Big Fucking Tortilla Press 5000.

Fuck yes!

What does this beautiful motherfucker do?

It presses motherfucking tortillas, that’s what!

Let’s make some!

If you have the right tools this shit is very easy.

It all starts with this exotic looking bag-o-flour.

That’s masa harina. It’s corn flour that somebody took the effort to do the nixtimalization on then dried out making it ready for corn tortilla making. I’m gonna Wiki that shit rather than give you the whole rundown.

It’s as simple as adding water and a little salt at this point, making a dough and making tortillas.

Corn tortillas!

2 cups of masa harina

1 1/2 cups of water

Pinch of salt

Combine everything in a bowl and using your (no doubt extremely well washed) hands form a dough.

Cover with a kitchen towel and let rest for an hour. It’s not going to need to proof or anything, the hour just allows the corn glutens to stretch and get all sexy-like for tortilla making.

This is simple if you follow these step by step instructions.

Cut the dough into quarters and divide each quarter into 3 equal sized portions. Then roll each portion into a ball, making a total of 12 balls.

Get a skillet out and heat it up over a medium flame.

Know what I did here? I used the same pan I cooked the bacon in and simply wiped the bottom of the pan with a paper towel. Pre-seasoned and shit!

I used two equal sized pieces of parchment paper for the pressing. Place one sheet on the press, then take one of your balls and place it slightly offset nearer the hinge of the press, like so.

Cover with the 2nd sheet of parchment paper and firmly press the dough ball flat by closing the press.

Remove the pressed tortilla, and drop it into the preheated pan.

Sixty seconds then flip over and cook for another 60 seconds.

That’s it. Remove the cooked tortilla to a plate that’s covered with a kitchen towel.

Repeat for each tortilla in that exact order,

Parchment paper down, press the tortilla, move to the pan, 60 seconds per side, remove to plate and cover with towel.

When all 12 are cooked…

Your righteous ass just made a dozen corn tortilla by your own goddamn hands.

Hell yes you did.

Fuck it, let’s make a taco.

You do you for this part. You can put all of today’s ingredients on a single tortilla or customize as you like.

Me? I took some carnitas, some of that pickled red onion, added on our fire roasted salsa and then a spoon of my own chile tepin.

Looks good don’t it?

Want a bite?

I served my beans on the side but there were other eaters who put beans and meat on their tacos.

For my second round I played a little jazz.

I had the pork, onion, salsa, jalapenos, cilantro and some of our cooked bacon on one and the other was the same but instead of bacon I used a few chicharrones.

Mother of God! Both those motherfuckers WORKED!

I am fucking speechless. I almost brought myself to tears with this shit.

I tried one last taco with meat, beans, cheese and chile tepin. Delicious yes but…it really missed the brightness and tang from the pickled onion and jalapeno, the freshness from the salsa and honestly it also sorely missed the cilantro.

Those two tacos that had all of those along with the bacon or chicharrones? Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

That was the money plate for sure.

You really get the homemade effect from the tortilla. So much so that I think I’ve lost my appetite for store bought corn tortillas for fucking life. It just worked perfectly with the pickled things, the fresh fire roasted salsa, the pork and even the cilantro played a role.

Every single element played off of each other with precision.

I’m sure you’re used to my over-hyping my own food here but these were the best tacos I’ve ever eaten.

Period.

God almighty I want to make some more tacos next week. Fucking hell!

All hail our new kitchen lord and saviour…

There you go folks.

Now that we’ve all got plenty of time on our hands being on lockdown and shit, fuck around in the kitchen some. Get creative.

Make yourself a goddamn taco.

Be safe and healthy out there, fellow shut-ins.

I’ll be here again next week.

See you then.

PEACE!

 

 

yeah right
yeah right
yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. And always wanted to be an astronaut. And a cook. So he's cooking for astronauts now.
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Horatio Cornblower

The Smurfs just aren’t the same since they sold out.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Fed just cut rates to zero and is engaging in quantitative easing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I should probably refinance my mortgage.

Or board up the house and stock up on ammo to repel the hoards of reanimated corpses.

One or the other.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I still have the same reaction.

Redshirt

The mirror is the one who double-takes and jumps back for me.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, went to my bud’s house with two bottles of 20 year old Barolo. Took two in case the first one was corked. It wasn’t. Neither was the second one, and it went down too. One was a bit drier than the other. Turns out the drier one was actually an import, which means sulfites. The second bottle, slightly less dry, was a hand-carry back by my buddy Burt from Milan, so no sulfites.
Stopped by the grocery store on the way to the NAPA to have my lawn tractor battery checked. Parking lot and the aisles in the store were much less crowded than when I was there at noon Friday. They restocked my favorite pretzels since I was there on Friday, so I got a couple bags of them and am now doing a food pairing with them and a pitcher of margaritas. Totally empty were the paper product shelves. I had earlier confirmed that I have several rolls and half rolls of paper towels in the garage in addition to a couple rolls in the kitchen, so good there, as well as 13 giant fat rolls of Charmin Ultra Gentle TP, so I’m good for clean butt for several months. Worst case, there is a hose bib right outside my bathroom window, so a garden hose bidet is something within the realm of possibility if things go that far south. They had water, some milk, limited supply of cheeses, zero eggs, no bread (though they had plenty of low-carb flour tortillas, so I picked up another pack of them, since they are already my go-to for whenever I feel like whipping up a breakfast taco). I didn’t think to check the sanitizer/cleaner aisle. I think the tsunami is over, few more days and thing will even back out. We went through the same shit with gas lines here in SoTex right after Harvey a couple years back. Too many idiots in this country, a fact that is borne out by who was chosen to lead this country.
Tractor battery had not taken an charge over the course of 18 hours, and proved to be gone. 54 bucks and I hope it fixes the issue, will check it out once it stops drizzling outside.
Party on, gang!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

All bars and restaurants (except Drive Thru) are now closed in Ohio.

Are there now any reasons for me to continue to live?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Are you able to make Skyline Chili at home?

Redshirt
Redshirt

Now Smithsonian Channel’s WWII marathons serve an actual purpose, by putting the Coronavirus Pandemic in perspective by comparing it real hell of Earth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Anyway, time to play more Ori and the Will of the Wisps while the world burns

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

David Koch is profiting off this since Koch Industries basically is the paper products industry in the U.S. And, yes, that includes Charmin.

That motherfucker.

Gratliff

Even as cynical as I am about the government these days, the amount of effort they’re putting into protecting the money compared to the amount they’ve put into protect the people is absolutely staggering

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Just got back from the gym, and I’m happy to report that I washed my hands repeatedly, cleaned the equipment before and after I used it, and had absolutely no problem maintaining at least 6′ of space between me and the one other sociopath at the gym.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Just do home workouts.

scotchnaut

“Floor gets all the action. smgdh.”

-Ceiling

scotchnaut

In a third room in the basement I’ll be holding a Gilles Villemure Retrospective. He was ‘supposedly’ the backup goalie to Eddie Giacomin during the 71-72 season but his GAA and SAV% were way better than Giacomin’s during that season. It just blows my mind that nobody talks about this! Red Cap and Labatt 50 beer is on tap and is free!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

I haven’t seen such an emphatic rejection by a pussy since high school.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bragger.

Dunstan
Dunstan

The rejection is just more amused now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“You should self quarantine.”

“So no different then.”

scotchnaut

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry; forgot to add “average” DFOer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

This is far worse than the coronavirus.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; we are lucky it is not contagious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

https://www.cbssports.com/college-basketball/news/simulation-sunday-dayton-wins-first-title-as-sportsline-simulates-entire-2020-ncaa-tournament/

Another reminder that the ultimate loser to the Coronavirus outbreak is the University of Dayton Flyers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Ultimate Loser” sounds like a reality show that will be soon hosted by an ex-President, Indeterminate Events willing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Actually, that’s not true at all.”*

-Unsurprised, pretending to be a foodie

*long rant follows

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

People doesn’t show you how to cook, it just shows the ingredients.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And Liga MX is suspended.

Looks like I’m going to be doing a lot of reading for the next few months.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

It has legit been my sporting bright spot the last weekend.

scotchnaut

In another room in my basement I’m holding a Gilles Villeneuve Retrospective. It features the highlights from the 1981 Canadian Grand Prix, the 1981 Spanish Grand Prix and the, umm… 1982 Belgian Grand Prix.*

*if you’d like to leave after the second race? I’m not going to hold that against you.

herodotus450
herodotus450

/tries to leave
//Scotchy pulls out the clear plastic tarp and puts on Huey Lewis and the News

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

What is it with you and broken GIFs?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Her shirt broke. If the link is broken on your ‘pooder; it’s you.

scotchnaut

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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You stock what you need.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

My youngest “still in North Cakalaky” child went to rich friend’s beach house today. I wasn’t sure it was a great idea, but then again it was preferable to likely murdering her over her hygiene habits…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

I’ll allow it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

As they say in Australia, “bidet, mate!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

million to one shot, Doc!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Some of the airlines are doing all they can to maintain ridership.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Those are some friendly thighs… I mean skies!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Enter through the rear exit”? Fucking Delta can’t get anything right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

My favorite part is the casual “I meant to do that” stroll after.

(Edited because I meant to do that typo.)

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You had me at tacos.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

People do work outs that work.

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Redshirt

Tennessee has chosen Ryan Tannehill over Tom Brady. What a bunch of boobs.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

They gave him a four year deal and there’s no way they will possibly regret that.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m starting Babylon Berlin on Netflix. So far so good.

Redshirt

Reports say the NFL Draft is being delayed to late May.

Dunstan
Dunstan

I wonder if they just need the time to do the setup for a teleconference draft. Because right now, it would be the most highly-rated, over-discussed NFL draft in history — not much else going on in the sports world. That might still be true in May, I suppose.

scotchnaut

I’m holding a Denis Villeneuve Retrospective in my basement today. Arrival is down, Sicario is on and Enemy is in the hopper. There’s microwave popcorn available and plenty of beer/scotch available. Come ’round, won’t you?

Game Time Decision

On my way. Will be there in 5 hours or so

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well, I should do something, but feel like …… not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

When googling ‘Jim Henson Gets It On’ goes a bit sideways

King Hippo

Watching TUDN, recalling that I somehow made straight As in Spanish uno y dos en escuela alta.

/shakes mah cabeza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unrelated, if one were to buy a torch to brulee things, would this be an acceptable one: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07L8YPYQK/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These are also used by discerning modsters to make people talk.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought “Boston Butt” was when Tawmmy says it’s not gay if you aren’t receiving.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unlike LA Butt.

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Sharkbait

Everything there looks fucking amazing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

There was a run on most meats at the grocery store yesterday, but everyone neglected the pig, so I find myself with a pork shoulder…. it’s fate.

King Hippo

Deportes Iquique – Hippo’s New #HAILGAMBLOR heroes!

blaxabbath

I am convinced the run on tp is wholly attributed to people making tp memes.

litre_cola

Mr. Old El Paso shakes his damn head.

Horatio Cornblower

ESPN reporting that the NFL CBA just passed by 60 votes, so that should make the upcoming season, (pending our imminent extinction), interesting.

King Hippo

MOAR FITBAW!!

scotchnaut

You mean I can pray for the Giants to go 9-9? That’s exciting!

King Hippo

8-8-1

blaxabbath

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scotchnaut

Paul F. Tompkins is on board.

Don T

That salsa seems tasty and putting it all on the oven is music to my lazy ass.