Good morning everyone.

Welcome back to Sunday Gravy where despite the fact that the world has gone fucking insane, we soldier right the fuck along!

Nothing can stop that Gravy Train!

I’m going to try and keep you entertained and hopefully bring a tiny bit of light to our confusing-ass times. Not to mention give you something to do instead of binge-watching Netflix shit and pining for live sports.

Yep, it’s time for our 5th annual Saint Patrick’s Day extravaganza!

In case you need a refresher or are looking for ideas for your next Saint Patrick’s Day gathering I give you:

1st annual  

2nd annual

3rd annual

4th annual.

A summary for you, the 1st annual gives you a very traditional Irish/American meal with the corned beef and cabbage. The 2nd annual is more of the same but there is also a traditional Irish stew recipe. Episode 3 is also more of the same but with a seriously kickass shepherds pie recipe and last year is where we corned – or pickled – our own brisket.

That shit was so good we did it again this year as that sexy banner image will attest.

You folks know that Sunday Gravy is posted a week after I’ve actually cooked the meal, that point is relevant here. We were having our family get together on Saturday before St. Paddy’s Day.

I was leaving work the Friday before Saint Patrick’s Day, planning on stopping at the store to pick up some drinks, some potatoes maybe another store bought corned beef and plenty of beer.

The Friday before Saint Patrick’s Day.

AKA the day the shitheads raided the grocery stores.

I had no idea that I was walking into the apocalypse.

Fucking chaos. Produce section obliterated, shelves empty, people with 2 and 3 carts loaded up with shit.

Despite all of this I purchased approximately 66 beers, a half gallon of bourbon, 4 bottles of wine, a really nice wedge of gouda and the store was fully stocked on corned beef.

But how the fuck are we going to do the Irish thing with no potatoes?

Originally I planned on making this a scathing commentary on mankind and the shift in mentality from “We’re all in this together” to “FUCK YOU, I’m getting mine!” not to mention my complete lack of faith in humanity, which is still not completely restored.

But no.

Upon reflection, I will now tell the story of how our celebration took place and was highly successful and filled with love and appreciation because all of us in attendance pulled together, pitched in and made it happen as a group!

Love and working together!

That’s how this shit is supposed to work!

Let me show you how it went down.

Corned Beef from scratch!

Verbatim from last year:

1 fresh beef brisket – 4-5 pounds should do

About half a gallon of water

1 cup of plain salt

2 tablespoons of pink curing salt

1/2 cup of dark brown sugar

4 cloves of garlic

1/4 cup of the pickling spices plus 2 tablespoons more when we cook the corned beef

1/4 cup of mustard for when we cook the brisket.

A lot of goddamn time. Eight to ten days worth.

It all begins with the pickling solution.

That right there is the water, pickling spices, brown sugar, salt, curing salt and garlic. Bring just to a simmer, while stirring occasionally. We basically just want the salts and the sugar to dissolve. After reaching a simmer, set aside to cool to room temperature.

Fun stuff: I was actually making a pickling solution for pickling some jalapenos at the same time so I had 2 goddamn pickling pots going.

It was, how you say, aromatic. Smelled like my Grandmommies house.

No real drama acquiring the brisket this year, just had the butcher hand cut one to size for me.

I was actually saved by the fact that this fucker brines for over a week. That lovely slab-o-cow was purchased the Saturday prior to the world going fucking nutso, when the store was stocked with everything and it was easy to navigate and the people were friendly and it was easy as shit to checkout.

To me?

That will be when everything returns to normalcy. When I can go in my grocery store and the shelves are full and stupid motherfuckers aren’t grabbing shit with both hands that most of the fucking assholes can’t even cook!

Sorry about that. That goddamn wound is still pretty recent.

As you were.

Next we gotta double-bag that bastard. Remember this shit from last year? Those are 2 “turkey size” oven bags that are double bagged together like so.

Pour on your now cooled brine and try and squeeze out as much excess air as possible without spilling shit all over the kitchen counter top. Tightly seal the inner bag then remove as much air from the outer bag as well. Tightly seal the outer bag, set your “patience meter” to “Got to chill for a long ass time” and into the fridge she goes!

I need to point out something very fucking obvious; the bag and the containing vessel take up a shit ton of room. Since I already had a pretty fucking full fridge I needed another option.

I’ve got a neighbor in my building who I’m friendly with, we’ve had beers together and I remembered he had an extra fridge in our parking garage (The Bat Cave). I remembered because it’s basically right in front of where I park my car, (The Batmobile).

I also remembered that he said we were free to use it anytime we wanted. I reconfirmed this with him and he said “Absolutely” and I had storage space for the long ass time this needed to brine.

The fridge has locks on it and our garage is secure so we were safe and secure.

Go ahead and ask me whose fridge it is.

That’s Johnny fucking Rotten’s younger brothers’ fridge that’s who.

Swear to God, he’s my neighbor. Definitely an “Only in LA” thing.

Since the fridge was right by my car I remembered to rotate the corned beef twice a day while it brined. I did it as I was getting in my car to go to work each day and again when I got home from work.

Easy money.

It’s game day so let’s get both the store bought and the home-corned slabs ready.

Last year I baked the homemade brisket and boiled the store bought. In the name of fucking science I reversed scenarios this year.

Prep that store bought fucker for the oven by laying down some foil inside of a baking dish.

And just like last year, we’re going to slather on some mustard and the little spice package that comes with the corned beef.

Seal it up and get her in the preheated 350 degree oven. Give her three to three and a half hours. Remove from oven, rest for 15-20 minutes then slice.

Let’s get after the homemade one.

Ain’t she a goddamn beauty?

Into the pot for stove top cooking. We’re going to add enough water to cover completely, some of the leftover pickling spice, some garlic and cover that fucker up with a lid.

Simmer on low for a total of 3 to 3 1/2 hours. Notice a trend here?

I had my entire brood in attendance for this meal and holy shit did that ever come in handy.

Remember earlier when I said I couldn’t find potatoes at the store? I sent a text to Eldest Right as she was getting ready to drive over and asked if she had seen any potatoes “in the wild?” She remembered seeing some red potatoes a day or so ago and holy shit, she delivered. She also brought me a couple of onions and a head of garlic. That garlic I added to the homemade corned beef would not have existed without her contribution.

Youngest Right drove up from San Diego and jumped right into the kitchen and assisted with a lot of the prep. Eldest granddaughter did the soda bread, like she does every year and the entire production was a team effort. This meal would not have reached its complete potential without the contributions of every one of us.

That’s the togetherness and love I was talking about.

Anyway, now that we have potatoes let’s make them 2 ways.

For the traditional boiled potatoes, wash and peel them about an hour before service, add in your potatoes to the stove top corned beef pot.

Simple as that.

Now, since we’re doing a boiled beef/boiled potato dealie how about we do a roasted beef/roasted potato pairing?

Shit yes! Motherfucking symmetry!

Let’s get some oven roasted potatoes going.

Easy enough here. Peel and cube up the potatoes, add a little salt, and some minced garlic – that we now thankfully have – drizzle with some olive oil and place everything on a baking sheet.

Into the 350 degree oven for the last hour of cooking time that the corned beef requires.

And when everything is ready?

We’re going to slice…

and serve.

There you go. We were a gathering of 10 for this feast and there was more than enough for everyone.

Many beers, glasses of wine and shots of Jameson were shared and we were festive as the “bejabbers.”

Another fun note: the day we served this was National Pie Day and the group decided we needed a pie. Exhausted by life events, which as of this day were in full on fucking blooming idiocy, I didn’t have it in me to make a pie.

Not on this day anyway!

Hint hint.

So the two sober folks in the crew headed downstairs, hopped in the car and found an open pie place so everyone could have a piece of pie on Pie Day.

I’m going to be honest now: I was seriously emotionally distressed the day this meal took place and without the help of everyone I’m not sure I could have produced this meal. My worldview was chronically fucked by the behavior of the general public and I was a fucking basket case.

My family helped me so much I want to fucking cry.

I can’t even begin to tell you the depth of love I have for my family. It would be pointless because there aren’t enough adjectives to convey it.

I’m tearing up as I write this.

This is how we survive this shit, people.

THIS!

Love, community, sharing, taking care of each other and everyone chipping in.

We’re going to make it through this.

Finally, Sunday Gravy is going to be interesting over the next several weeks due to food shortages, shelter-in place orders and what have you but it will indeed go on. It will basically be like an episode of “Chopped” where I cook what I’ve got on hand.

But it will go on.

And THAT’S because of the love I have for you good folks.

Things are going to be pretty fucking fucked-up for awhile.

But you know what?

We’re going to make it.

Be nice to each other, take care of yourselves and most of all be well!

See you next week.

PEACE!