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There’s really fuckall to do until Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals start around 2p (banner pic in honoUr, also since it pisses so many off that maybe we can has extra clubhouse participation??). That’s because all the Premiership fixtures are tomorrow morning. So sad. Everton’s match is on CNBC, which I am sure you were all just DYING to know.
Here is table:
Wakey’s Red Devils qualify for Shempions play if (i) they draw against Leicester; or (ii) Chelski lose. Prong (ii) might be likelier than chatted about, since Wolves have to worry about 7th not being good enough for Europa (should Arsenal win the FA Cup). Chelski lose all tiebreakers, due their meagre +13 goal differential. If my feeble brain’s maths is correct, Chelski get 4th (ie, can nae finish 3rd or 5th) if they draw.
Don’t worry, Rebecc-ur and the Robbies will ‘splain it much better.
Two of Cherries/Moose Hornets/Villa will punch they tickets down the Lesser River Styx, alongside poor, super-duper-ded Norwich. Villa survive with a point, unless Watford win. Should BOTH win, then our Moose Hornets need to win by TWO GOALS MOAR than the Midland Twats. Goals scored is the next tiebreaker after goal differential. Poor yeah right, he needs BOTH fellow shitmonkeys to lose, and a Bournemouth win. But since their GD is even with Watford, and only 1 less than Villa? Margins don’t matter to Cherries folk. To make it even more impossible to predict, all three of their opponents (Hammers, Gooners, Badass Muthafuckin’ Toffees) have almost nil to play for. They may not show up at all, they may play like their hair is on fire.
The Athletic also has a great, long-form piece on the Bananacakes Deluxe final Championship round, if you have access and a spare hour (you deffo have that, don’t kid yourself):
But no access? Litre has yewwwww covered, with his own imaginary two cents:
As one would expect, Hippo has 2 Swedish and 1 Nor-vay offering to GAMBLOR. I shall spend my Saturday morning cursing that, and denying the awfulness of reality with Pretend Man City. Big Black Ricardo is now my starting keeper and captain (he won the “Golden Glove” award for 2052!), and Black French Satan is my lead striker. French forwards and Sudamericano midfielders – that’s where it’s at, y’all.
In my Pretend mid-80s now, how far can I go? Bet your ass I will find out. Finished 4th in the 2053 Bullshit Club World Cup, which means I can’t possibly win 7 trophies in a season before 2057-58. #Goals