Jalen Ramsey Show – 005: Season Off

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

Welcome back to a new hour of The Jalen Ramsey Show. We were on then we were off and…well, who knows what’s going on at the FCC anymore. Based on how screwed up programming schedules are anymore, I’ll just go ahead and assume Doug Marrone got himself yet another leadership position he has no business occupying. But, hey, I guess people start seeing that the stock market was as overrated as Matt Ryan in a Kyle Shanahan offense and, what do you know. we want Jalen back to set things straight.

So that’s fine. I’m a baller. I’ll play ball. Light up the lines at 818-338-0011. And we’ll start off this hour of the Jalen Ramsey Show with Patrick in St Joseph, Missouri. Hi Patrick.

Hey Jalen man. Big fan and I want to say thanks for taking my call. I’ll get right to it now. I  just signed a monster contract extension this offseason.

That’s right, my man!

Hey thanks, yeah. So it’s good money but I got some mega incentives here year one and like, we just won the Super Bowl man. I been watching the Michael Jordan documentary and everything and I’m getting nervous that we aren’t focused enough to repeat — or get me to those bonus performances.

Odds are, yeah, It’s a long season then you add this quarantine nonsense and, yeah, I would buy that.

Right? So now I got the first guy to really — I think the way to…well, that’s my problem — I don’t even know how to say this.

He gay?


Good. So you were saying…

The Shield and the NFLPA worked out an opt-out provision for 2020 where any player can sit out the season by giving written notice by the first of August. And like, I get that. I don’t know anything about this virus or who should be comfortable doing what. So but, I mean, isn’t it something where, you know, when you’re defending champions you don’t sit out the next year?

Well, I mean that’s when the guy has the most leverage in negotiations. You win a Super Bowl and everyone is looking to bring that “Championship mentality” to their locker room.

So you hear.

Hey man!

I’m just playing with you, big dogg! C’mon man. So look, I got a guy who is opting out. And like, you know, he’s gonna do it and, really, I can’t blame him. But, you know, I don’t like seeing him make that decision.

Well, what kind of sticking points is he having with the franchise on his contract?

That’s what so sick man, he’s back home in Canada working as a doctor or whatever. I mean, I can’t come out and tell the guy not to do that? Like being the guy telling Elvis to fake a bone spur or hiding Pat Tillman in a Texas Air National Guard Country Club.

Wait wait. You got a guy on your team who’s a doctor?

Yeah man. You know Canada, I guess. It’s just — I guess they like really want people to be educated and then they want like everyone to have access to healthcare services too.

I gotta tell you. That is fucking weird.

Tell me about it.

And he plays football?

Starting guard for the Super Bowl champs.

No shit?

No shit.

Ain’t nothing you can do about that.

What do you mean?

Go tell your GM to sign a vet on a one-year deal. Dude’s in the right. You better just start game planning without him. I mean, a fucking doctor during a pandemic. That’s like being a soldier during a time of active war. We’re over here leaning on these people to simply mitigate a pandemic level threat and you think Skip ain’t ready to scream, “So what Patrick wants for Laurent Duvernay-Tardif is to stop protecting women and children because he wants the guy to protect him against Melvin Ingram.”

No, I don’t want that. I’m a fan favorite kind of player too. I don’t want any of that.

Yeah, 2020 is just gonna be a fucked-up likely non-existent season. You got guys who want to sit it out? The answer is always some variation of, “I support my teammates and trust they know what’s right for themselves and their families. We’re a strong team and, while we’re gonna miss him or them, we’re focused on bringing our fans another championship.”

What about —

Nope. No what about. That’s the answer and, if you don’t listen to me, you’ll be as fucked as Josh Allen. And Josh Allen is fucked. That guy is dog shit.  Anyways! Great call! Ok, now let’s hop over to Charlotte where we have Matt on the line. Matt, what say you?

Good day, Jalen. How are you?

Better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin. How can I help?

I got a problem here. Sounds somewhat similar to your last caller but, not a teammate, but a player on my roster.

So…..a teammate.

Look son, I’m a college guy. I’m used to owning the guys who play under me.  But now it’s like…it’s not the case.

No one told you this before you took an NFL job?

Well the Panthers organization has a strong history of keeping players in check. A lot of wink and nod kind of things, you know. It’s pretty much par for the course in communities like Waco and Charlotte.

You’re talking about the benefits of  systematic institutional racism?

Exactly! Used to be, you know, you get a recruit a hooker on his unofficial visit and, BAM, he’s so afraid of his hooker mama that he comes and slaves away on the gridiron for the team just to show her the man he’s become. But now, now I’ve got a got damn rookie, a late round guy on top of that, sitting out the season over this virus hoax nonsense.

Well, I’m not sure it’s a hoax there, Matt.

Of course it’s a fucking hoax. It’s nothing. And that’s why China needs to pay up for unleashing this holy commie hell upon us!

Nonetheless, the deal worked out between the NFLPA and the league makes it clear than any player —

Then I got the N-words trying to burn down courthouses and the C-words trying to defund the cops and, you know, I’m a rookie coach trying to get this team to a division championship and they’re over here jumping ship!

No one is jumping ship. The 2020 season will be a rudimentary exercise and the Panthers are in a full-on rebuild. You really think some 6th round linebacker is the difference between the Saints with Drew Brees and you with Brees’ backup?

I’m not even necessarily talking about 2020 wins and losses. It’s about culture. It’s about heritage. Cam Newton set a standard of laziness, flipping trucks, and selling individual cigarettes. I’m trying to make this franchise great again and that doesn’t happen with guys staying home.

Well, then cut him. Get rid of his ass.

Well, I can’t do that. The fucking NFL and the NFLPA made some backroom deal and, you know what, I wasn’t even polled on how I felt about it. I tell ya, all unions are fucking terrible except police unions.

So? Cut him and let the franchise deal with the fallout. There’s the beauty of being part of an organization, you don’t carry the personal liability. Cut his ass and let everyone know that you only want guys 100% committed to football. Problem solved.

No! I can’t do that! That’s why this is all an outrage! The China Virus isn’t even that bad! My wife met a lady here whose sister is a nurse practitioner in Sacramento and she says anyone who dies — or even lives! — is recorded as a COVID death. And, if we would just give everyone hydrochlorothiazide then we’d all be cleared and fans could pack the stadium and enjoy demon semen churros at the stadiums!

Well, maybe you need to quit then. I mean, if you’re already this unhappy with the job then maybe the National Football League just isn’t the place for you. These are grown men. They collectively bargained with ownership and everyone agreed on this opt-out. If you can’t deal with that, then maybe you need to leave.

No! You need to leave! Lazy bums like Jordan Mack need to leave! I developed the guys playing in the NFL today! There’s only 32 head coaching positions in the league so I should get more say than a few hundred players.

Well, I don’t know what else to tell you, man. You’re going to get your ass kicked all over any games you do coach this year. Brady is going to light you up twice as his example of why he’s got another decade left. Sean Peyton will probably have Teddy’s legs broke. And the Falcons, well, you’re arguably the worst team in the league and, even with an overrated quarterback, they are not. So stay or go or whatever. But if you’re keeping up worrying about a practice squad guy taking this wasted season off then I have to question your commitment to winning.

So that’s it for this hour. Once again for the record, I do not respect Steve Smith as a man. You all stay safe out there and we’ll be back next time, right here, on The Jalen Ramsey Show.

Article Rating
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

I fucking LOVE the Jalen Ramsey Show! If only people actually said what he says…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Senor Weaselo

N-words and C-words? You mean Commie-Nazis are attacking the UNICEF pennies again?


Kinda like Andy Reid’s GrubHub order, there’s a lot to unpack here.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m almost thinking Demon Semen Churros needs to be a t-shirt.

Senor Weaselo

New at the Iguana Mart food court!