DFO Radio/Checking In: Unauthorized Covers/The Losers Investment Club

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

A group of laptops are spread around a conference table, all facing each other.  An intraday chart showing both $UPRO and $TMF is displayed via a projector.  The sound of light snoring can be heard, though it is not clear which laptop it is emanating from. 

JOSH ROSEN: So…how long are we going to be keeping up with this “buy and hold” strategy of UPRO and TMF, anyhow?

BILL O’BRIEN: For however long it k-k-k-keeps p-p-p-paying off, Josh.  It’s up 23% since we made the move in January.  I’m sorry you find it dull.

JOSH ROSEN: It’s okay.  It’s just that I’ve been running the numbers and it feels like we’ve been playing things a little too safe.

— [seven proxies fly open] —

HUE JACKSON: So you’re looking to take a few gambles, eh?

KATIE NOLAN: Holy shit!  You’re still alive?

LAWRENCE TYNES: Of course I’m still alive, every time you jerks see a bunch of nurses run in here with a crash cart and administer a few CC’s of epinephrine you automatically assume that…

KATIE NOLAN: Lawrence, have you been paying attention?

LAWRENCE TYNES: Huh? Sorry, I had blacked out for a minute.

KATIE NOLAN: Look!  It’s Hue!

LAWRENCE TYNES: Oh my gosh!

BILL O’BRIEN: What the f-f-fuck, Hue?  Where are you?

HUE JACKSON: Oh…let’s just say I’m hanging out somewhere that’s just a little bit outside the jurisdiction of the S.E.C…

COLIN COWHERD: You’re coaching at Florida State University?

BILL O’BRIEN: He’s t-t-t-talking about the Securities and Exchange C-c-c-c-commission, you idiot.

COLIN COWHERD: Oh.  Not familiar with it.  But it sounds like something Josh would know about, mind giving us the rundown little buddy?

JOSH ROSEN: Little buddy? First off, I’m two inches taller than you.  Second…

— [tor node flies open] —

DJ 3000: S.E.C. FUGITIVE HUE JACKSON DETECTED

HUE JACKSON: Shit, gotta run!

ONLINE HOST: HUE JACKSON has logged out of the chat.

KATIE NOLAN: What the hell?  The S.E.C. is tracking Hue Jackson through the internet?

DJ 3000: HA HA HA HA, NO.  I JUST LIKE TO FOLLOW HIM AROUND AND FUCK WITH HIM.  I BELIEVE YOU HUMANS CALL IT “TROLLING”.

COLIN COWHERD: Oh, neat, you’re one of those voice assistant programs!

DJ 3000: ACTUALLY, NO, I AM…

COLIN COWHERD: Hey, how much money would we have made if we’d just held onto our original investment in Kroger?

DJ 3000: I WILL NEED TO ACCESS YOUR CLUB’S FINANCIAL ACCOUNTS TO PERFORM THESE CALCULATIONS.  PRESS THE “I AGREE” BUTTON BELOW THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS TO CONSENT TO THIS.

KATIE NOLAN: Now hang on a second, we’re not just going to give you unfettered access to…

DJ 3000: PRESSING “I AGREE” WILL ALSO UNLOCK YOUR PROMOTIONAL CODE FOR A FREE “REALLY BIG CARL” SANDWICH…

ANDY REID: [mashes button]

ANDY REID: [also mashes some potatoes]

KATIE NOLAN: Damnit, Andy, you shouldn’t just…

DJ 3000: YOU ORIGINALLY BOUGHT 400 SHARES OF KROGER STOCK ON 9/6/20 AT A PRICE OF $25.09 PER SHARE.  THE CURRENT PRICE OF KROGER STOCK IS $33.77 PER SHARE.

BILL O’BRIEN: D-d-d-d-d-damnit!

COLIN COWHERD: What about American Renal Associates?

DJ 3000: THE PURCHASE PRICE FOR YOUR INVESTMENT WAS $10.38 PER SHARE.  IT IS CURRENTLY VALUED AT $6.68.

LAWRENCE TYNES: See, they can’t all be winners.

KATIE NOLAN: How about Thor Industries?

DJ 3000: THOR INDUSTRIES WAS VALUED AT $49.71 ALMOST EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO WHEN YOUR TRANSACTION TOOK PLACE.

KATIE NOLAN: And now?

DJ 3000: $94.26

JOSH ROSEN: Oof.

DJ 3000: I SEE THAT YOU ALSO MADE INVESTMENTS IN $SLV, WHICH HAS GONE FROM $16.38 TO $22.02, $USO, WHICH HAS GONE FROM $10.95 TO $28.69, AND $NIO, WHICH HAS GONE FROM $1.52 TO $20.85…

BILL O’BRIEN: G-g-g-good g-g-g-god that’s more than 1000 p-p-p-percent!

DJ 3000: 1371.7%, TO BE PRECISE.

KATIE NOLAN: Holy SHIT are we bad at this.

DJ 3000: IN ALL HONESTLY YOUR CHOICE TO INVEST IN A PAIR OF LEVERAGED INDEX AND U.S. TREASURY BOND FUNDS WAS NOT A BAD CHOICE EVEN THOUGH SOME OF YOUR OTHER CHOICES MIGHT HAVE WORKED OUT BETTER.  BUT SPEAKING OF CHOICES THAT MIGHT HAVE WORKED OUT BETTER…

COLIN COWHERD: Ooh, nice segue!

DJ 3000: …NOT TOO LONG AGO AN EDITION OF REQUEST LINE WAS COMPILED FOR THE TOPIC OF “UNAUTHORIZED COVERS” AND I AM HERE TO PRESENT YOU WITH THE RESULTS. THEY ARE HORRIFYING. PLEASE DO YOUR BEST TO NOT LET THESE TUNES DESTROY YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY AND PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Last edited 1 month ago by The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Unsurprised

The original version of American Pie sucks, but leave it to Madonna to turn it from suck to blow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Viva La Tabula Raza

Does stealing count? Part 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo

Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Such a third wheel in this whole thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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bk109

Waaah, deliberately reposting this song hurts my delicate fee-fee’s … I’m gonna retreat to my happy place ( a well humming server room, because a HPC is about to failover again for unknown bloody reasons fee-fees, so I’m gonna bolt for now)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well it wasn’t what I intended, but it sounds like it had some benefit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is what I meant to post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeL8yhW38SE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Subjective.

litre_cola

DFO is more pejorative.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

True for some, plenty of other will tell you which version is BETTER!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

damn dry skin making posting hard.

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Last edited 1 month ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At first I read pendejo-orative.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Last edited 1 month ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Bob Dylan original, Jimi is better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvVz88IHK4o

bk109

That song is so good, even Cylons dig it 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BigolJfoANw

Viva La Tabula Raza

Another Dylan song covered better by someone else (my opinion only).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arfxhWM-sFM

bk109

By the way – Eric Clapton’s acoustic of rendition of Layla’s as authorized as it gets – “Derek and the Dominos” was Clapton’s band, he wrote it and he sang it originally, so I guess the rules are about as fluid and flexible as the NFL’s grasp on what a catch is 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also he never sued himself…… but he did give himself royalty checks. I’m sure his attorneys talked to his attorneys.

bk109

…You can never know if he didn’t sue himself, the 60s and 70s were a wild time with the right suppliers …or so I’ve been taught

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not in the legal court…. maybe the court of public opinion…..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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TheRevanchist

I once invested in Pop Tarts. Most overrated thing I ever ate. Pretty sure I would done better investing in JC Penny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shit, wrong vid.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Penny’s don’t taste as good as Pop-Tarts, though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depending on the time of day Penny Pax is delicious.

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bk109

Goddamn it, after looking up the playlist, those metal covers are acceptable … BLARGH, rolling back the tape

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEctx1vsEM8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btlQzyE-cco

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcetAJA4ig8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqKLnJrwYFg

(by the way not kidding about the 72 hours thing and at this rateI may just make 100 hours 😀 )

Last edited 1 month ago by bk109
SonOfSpam

In general, I like Metallica’s “Whisky in the Jar” except it’s not pronounced JAR-O-AH

bk109

It’s not bad at all, though Thin Lizzy/The Pogues both did better versions than them.. I find it funny that one of the few songs I like past 1991’s Metallica being a so-so cover of someone else’s work 😀

Also #NeverForgetNapster 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Even in Boston?

bk109

lolno, in Boston they’ll just play the Dubliners OG version(as opposed to the 90s one they did with the Pogues) and toss out (or worse) anyone who asks for the Metallica cover 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ummm, the joke was the pronunciation of JAR-O-AH.

bk109

And my joke is that the “proud fookin’ Irish” ™ in Boston will listen to a song, ’cause “old country” ™ and not ’cause it’s actually good 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well then, respond to the original post.

bk109

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Got it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve only seen Dropkick Murphys once, and it was in San Antonio. But I’d be willing to bet they’ve played Whiskey In A Jar more than a few times at concerts up there in Hibernia West, Massatwoshits.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

NKLA!!!

#marchtozero

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/starts reading post
Ooh, this is funny. Oh and a new dfo radio playlist!
/sees Madonna’s American Pie cover
KILL IT WITH FIRE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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bk109

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Downfield Matriculator

So if it is covers you’re after, the folks at Postmodern Jukebox are a national treasure — here is Morgan James doing Dream On as a jazz standard:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq4KA0mUnC8

Downfield Matriculator

And for the twofer, here she is doing Whitesnake in her apartment with her husband on guitar (lucky bastard):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvAF7i3xR7M

Last edited 1 month ago by Downfield Matriculator
bk109

Ehhhhh….
*clutches* Dio and Yngwie’s cover to calm himself. The Whitesnake cover’s (on second listening) nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7KTRpmeTdM

Last edited 1 month ago by bk109
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

They’re really earning the club nickname.