![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
Good day and welcome to your final week of this 2020 Quotables season. I don’t have much to say here but maybe I’ll get someone else to pick up the mantle for Friday. Or maybe not. Alls I know is, Bruce Arians got himself a ring and, for that, I am happy for the man.
Please find your Super Bowl LV Quotables submissions below.
[…] 2020 Quotables – Super Bowl LV (Submissions) – February 9, 2021 […]
I just realized that I haven’t said something racist in ages, so …
*cough*
I really don’t get who thought the Equalizer with Queen Latifah was a good goddamn idea. If they really wanted to make a small-screen gender-swapped version of the thing to sponge of good will accrued by Denzel’s movie.. why not pick someone that could combine charisma with at least some physical fitness (no offence to Mrs Latifah, but she’s just a bit too old for that role… plus I still ‘member the trainwreck that was Taxi)… Now – Samira Wiley (Handmaid’s Tale / Lucky 13) or Ilfenesh Hadera (Deception) or Ella Balinska (the only bright spot in Charlie’s Angels) … Wiley’s a bit less action-y, but has on-screen presence to compensate, whereas the other two have reasonable acting talent and enough of a physical frame to be believable fighters/brawlers (and as much as that shouldn’t be an issue) are feminine enough to believably blend in both in a battlefield of sorts (for flashbacks) and in all sorts of swankier locales….
I am ready for my cancellation now,mmmkay?
Edit: Bonus that my 3 picks for actresses are young enough to make Keith David or Dennis Haysbert age appropriate to co-star as a father/mentor figure
You know that, before it was a movie starring Denzel Washington, it was a television series from 1985-89, starring a white man named Edward Woodward.
He was 55 years old when the series started. Queen Latifah is 50.
I suppose you could say that Woodward was a bit more svelte, but he hardly looked like a conventional action hero.
I know (I kinda grew up on older TV shows) and age in itself isn’t the real issue here as Denzel was 60 when the first one came out, but he does look “right” both during action scenes AND during quieter character-building moments. The problem with Mrs Latifah is that it takes multiple quick cuts, shaky-cams… basically every trick in the book to stitch together a more physical scene to the point of it being jarring and almost caricaturesque. The more I think of it, the more I find myself comparing that pilot to what torpedoed the Taken franchise where the script stretch the action beyond the point of believability with Liam Neeson in the role (to the point of the multiple cuts used to mask Liam Neeson’s limitations becoming a bit of a meme). Honestly, if I were doing a story concept, I’d use Mrs Latifah as more of a female version of TImothy Hutton’s character in Leverage (aka as the “brain” of the outfit), but as a combo brain/muscle… she’s basically as believable as Kristen Stewart fighting hand to hand against people thrice her weight class (and winning … without fighting dirty)
Ok, wasn’t sure if you knew.
I don’t think it’s racist or sexist to not buy her in the role. I sort of raised an eyebrow at the casting, too, but I never really watched the original and wouldn’t watch the reboot no matter who they put in it, so I don’t particularly care.
She’s supposed to be retired CIA with a life-time of accumulated skills, (and in the original the guy had a lot of money, too), so it would make even less sense for a younger person to play the role.
That said, I always find it ridiculous when Liam Neeson, Queen Latifah, or Robert DeNiro are shown beating up multiple people half their age. Doesn’t mean it can’t be dumb fun.
Yeah, the “racist” thing a joke poking fun at how it’d appear that nowadays someone not liking X somehow gets made up to be because of sexism (Dark Fate, Charlie’s Angels, Captain Marvel, Sequel Trilogy), Racism (Ghostbusters, MiB: International) and not just not liking something, because for some reason a concept, cast or idea just doesn’t click/resonate with a person.
@Horatio – I know what’s she is supposed to be, the problem is that she doesn’t “sell” that to me at this point. Also, a “disillusioned ex-CIA agent starts to fight for the little guy” doesn’t automatically discount dropping the age (believably) to mid to late 30s, especially if the protagonist gets a background akin to “The Saint”. As for Neeson and all beating people half their age – it can be done believably and the same goes for someone like Kristen Stewart going against someone twice her size. The problem is that fight choreography’s becoming a lost art in the West (there was a really good example of that on youtube where they compared the same scene from Oldboy’s Korean and American versions …) and the generic cinematography (ie shaky-cam, because if it worked in the Bourne Trilogy, it must still work… RIGHT?!) only serves to blunt interest in a show/movie in the first place
Aaaaand now Minnie Mouse has Chlamydia
Is this a before or an after picture?
”And the Jaguars have announced the signing of an unscouted free agent tight end – a M. Mouse, out of Orlando.”
“Those morons will burn the 1-overall on him.” -J Ramsey
“Suits us fine, we’re planning to follow our traditional strategy and draft Goofy.” — NY Jets
Are we really sure that the Jets won’t go in full Galaxy Brain(damage) mode and ship their next 5 first round picks to Cincy to resign Hackenberg (Yes, I know that he’s a free agent and last played for the Memphis Whatevs… that’s the point) ? 😀
The only problem with that scenario is that Cincy would conclude that it’s a trap and decline the deal.
Or worse – conclude that the deal is real, but fail to file the paperwork in time, before NY sports media recovers enough from heir collective aneurysms to point out that Hackenberg can be signed for a packet of stale pretzel snacks 😀
a packet of stale pretzel snacks
“You gonna eat those?” – Andy Reid
Goddamn it, I hope that joke didn’t ruin my keyboard, as the Irn Bru I just blew through my nose and my kb don’t exactly mix XD
And on that fateful day, the ketchup did ooze from him like blood, and all around him recognized it as an omen – except for the media.
”BTDT, kid. See ya next year.”
That puppy has scored more than me in the last 5 years.
We all should have expected an Arians to win in the 2020 season.
Unrelated:
Being told you’re glowing feels nice…
Realizing that your spouse meant that literally and you’re covered with luminous paint… not so much…
Realizing that it’s a non-toxic, non-dangerous paint after checking the booklet and doing a quick sweep with a Geiger counter … feels nice again 😀
It’s nice that you keep a Geiger counter around for such contingencies. And by “nice,” I mean “slightly disturbing.”
It’s a souvenir from my first summer job (in a nuclear power plant), lol. I also have a couple of dosimeters as well, which were a legitimate work expense as I do travel a lot by air and exposure to higher levels of radiation is an actual thing, lol (it’s one of the myriad reasons why there are hard limits on how many hours a pilot or cabin crew member can accrue per month and per year).
I did get it (just in case), because there are two main types of luminous paint – phosphorescent and radioluminous and it takes way less time to just use a G-M counter if you have one than type out 2-Bromo-2-Nitropropane-1.3-Diol-Octylisathiazoline (and go down the rabit hole when you realize that it’s the conservant, not the actual agent, lol) 😀
Edit: Also, I find it amusing that you find that I have a Geiger counter “slightly disturbing”, when I have an actual tank barn (now complete with a family of attack deer) ? 😀
Edit2: Btw, speaking of radioactive shit – whenever the ‘rona finally becomes a thing of the past – I heartily recommend a visit to the wrecks at the Bikini Atoll – it’s fun as hell and it doesn’t (or at least didn’t) cost much
re: B Atoll — who charters these visits?
I personally used this site for Truk and the Bikini Atoll, though I’m not sure what sort of disruptions COVID caused in this case. Btw, the ship./operator we used offered facilities for more profficient divers, but unfortunately me and wifey are only recreational divers (down to 30-40 meters, though we get antsy approaching 30)
See, me and the mrs love that snorkeling stuff and would like to have some more freedom to stay under but not really go a hell of a lot deeper — is that like a poguish waste of going to get a scuba cert?
“Pull up your pants, my man”
— K. Harlan
Yes, this is a thing that happend. Yes, we know, we checked and re-checked… It. Did. Happen.
There’s gotta be a starting O Linemen in there somewhere
–KC Chiefs front office
Where was Drake from State Farm on that one?
Man, Bill Gates looks like shit
“Let’s see him do it four more times while i yell and blow a whistle in his ear”
–Matt Nagy
And the award for the best dressed goes to Kyler Murray, shown here in his…. onesie? WTF Kyler
NAWT FA-UH, MY BALL WASN’T FUZZY
–Cody Parkey
Aw, come-on… how the hell could you doink such an easy pun? … It’s Cody Barkey *sigh*
Ow, MaHead.
Those aren’t fireworks, they’re extremely concentrated and energetic COVID particles.
“The NFL Honors!?! You got me out of bed for this? Really?!?”
Is this the romp-him come back to life to haunt our dreams?
Kyler Murray with some “George Bush does not care about Black people” energy.
Finally, something goes right for all those lookalike middle-aged white guys who inherited a shit ton of money and tell people what to do all day.
If that’s middle-aged then I BELONG in this Corvette*!
*or, as I call it, this ‘vette.
Good to see Fred Smoot in attendance at this year’s Owl After Party.
Glad they cut away before the gangbang started in earnest.
Sorry, it should have been spelled “Ernest” because the guy’s name was Ernest.
“There goes my deductible. And my Patrick Price. Last time I loan Britt my car.”
It’s not the worst Cyclops cosplay I’ve ever seen, but I figured Patrick was more of a Wolverine fan.
“Yeah, we’ve got some ideas to get Alex Smith ready for next season.”
I CALL THIS GUY KEVIN DYSON AS HE’S JUST SHORT OF THE ENDZONE IN THE BIG GAME
What the fuck, Coach, I would have given him a ride home! You have my number, friggin’ call me!
A REID KID CALLED FOR AN UBER!!!!
I’m just here so I don’t get fined.
Ha! You thought I was gonna shit on the Reids again, didn’t you?
[DFO] Germany was pulling for you.
I assume that in German, there’s a compound word for the concept DoorFliesOpenBecauseSomeWackyCharacterIsMakingHisEntrance
Here we see the strategy that Britt Reid should have employed with his car keys, having mixed alcohol and prescription medication.
Overcompensating much?
“Remember what Yogi Bundchen once said: A QB cannot both throw and catch the pass.”
Gisele knows as much about football as I know about waxing my tan lines.
— M. Mariota
Super Bowl, Super Spreader, what’s the difference, really?
Would “Super Spreader” be a good Balls Search™ term?
Throw a “gape” in there and you got yourself a party.
This dog was fine until Britt Reid moved into the neighborhood
Woof.
I thought it, but wouldn’t say it. Thanks for taking one for the team, Horatio!
Good to see Britt Reid made the game after all.
Well, they’re going to have to go to NFL HQ for the review to see if he broke the plane or was down short of the goal line…
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