Yesterday, the Chicago Bears announced the hiring of erstwhile Kansas City Chiefs Offensive Coordinator Matt Nagy as the 16th head coach in franchise history. GM Ryan Pace, recent recipient of a largely undeserved 2 year contract extension, worked harder than Ernie Accorsi in picking a winner this time around, interviewing 6 candidates before giving into the recency effect and pulling the trigger on Nagy. Plenty of coverage out there in the blogosphere about how this is an awesome pick or a questionable one or great for Truth Biscuit. But at DFO, we go beyond link round-ups to get you deep, penetrating analysis.
Let’s take a quick look at new Coach Nagy, shall we (lots of information drawn from the Chefs’ media guide:
Name? Matt Nagy. Not seeing any middle name or even a “Matthew” in any coverage, even going back to puff pieces from his former employer.
College? University of Delaware.
Does that make him a Fightin’ Blue Hen? Yes, it does.
Did he play football there? Um, he majored in health and physical education, so it’s not like he went there for the education.
Was he any good? His senior year he threw for 3,436 yards and 29 TDs, the latter a school record and the former second only to Mr. Elite. But it was Delaware, so take a big ole pile of salt with that stat. People I’ve never heard of who played with him are really excited, though.
Did he play in the NFL? Hell no.
Whaaaaaa? Eh, he was an Arena League Quarterback for six seasons, with pretty good stats: 18,866 yards, 374 TDs, and a quarterback rating of 115.1. But that was leading the New York Dragons (2002), Carolina Cobras (2004), Georgia Force (2005-06), and Columbus Destroyers (2007-08), so maybe don’t put away your salt shaker yet.
Who gave him his first NFL job? Andy Reid in Philly.
Who gave him his second NFL job? Andy Reid in Philly.
Um, ok, who gave him his third NFL job? Andy Reid in Kansas City.
And then? No and then.
Has he been a head coach before? Nope.
Who does he compare to in terms of coaching experience before becoming head coach of the Bears? Um, I don’t know how to say this other than he’s probably in a windowless white van right now.
Related to Charles Nagy? No.
Does he have kids? Yes.
Do they have stupid names? Yup, Brayden, Tate, Jaxon, and Jett.
Will he bring Vic Fangio back as the Defensive Coordinator? Sure hope so. Decent chance the McCaskeys are too cheap to pay the man, though.
So is this a good hire? Eh, maybe? I mean, given his mentor, I’m expecting his clock management to be worse than Flava Flav in a KY wrestling match.
But let’s be honest: nobody cares what a Bears fan thinks. What did the actual Bears have to say about this choice to fill John Fox’s completely scuffed piss and shit-covered shoes?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhAHU1hwnj0
[…] having the whole post be the banner image/gif. Then I thought about bringing back my other kind of bear gimmick (not that one). Then I took a nap. Then I decided I would just say the […]
[…] pressure for Cody Parkey’s suck-cessor is incredibly high. Coach Nagy stopped just short of actual torture for the 478 kickers they invited to camp, and despite clear […]
[…] peppered in along the way): 2nd year MENSA-caliber QB likely to build on a solid rookie season; new head coach who knows that Mike Glennon isn’t an NFL-caliber giraffe; Jordan Howard and Tarik […]
I LOVE your links!
–Lady BFC, hopefully
What a well-spoken bear!
Would have preferred the Minnesota OC or Jim Bob Cooter (just in name alone he deserved consideration) but as long as he doesn’t stare into the ether with his mouth agape confused as to how football works he is already far and away better than keeping John Fox.
This guy gets it
Wife and I have to come up with a boys name now and, call me old fashioned, but the current edition of popular baby names is not to my liking. Everything either ends with ‘-a’ or is like a Great Brands version of a real name. Oh, your kid is Brandon? “No, it’s Brayden.” Oh, you’re Emily? “No, it’s Emma.”
Why would you commit the kid to a lifetime of avoidable name spelling challenges arbitrarily? Then again, maybe I’m wrong and when young Mike (or whatever we name him) grows up, people will just be like, “What is this spelling? Just be normal like everyone else and spell your name Myce.”
Upgrayedd is a nice game.
Emma is actually an old school name, and easier to spell than Emily, though both names derive from the same origin. Brayden is just some dumb madeup shit that’s only a good name for a donkey.
As someone with a normal name that’s spelled differently despite not being a millennial, I can confirm it is nothing but a giant fucking pain in the ass. It doesn’t change my sense of identity, it doesn’t make me feel different in any sort of real way, it only causes hassles. Most people are too fucking dumb to spell and pronounce names that are spelled properly. Switch something up on them and you’re doomed to a lifetime of constantly repeating yourself and correcting people. Don’t do it.
I know you think you’re being original but this isn’t about you. That’s the whole problem with dumb kid names– it’s not for the kid, it’s just barely disguised self-flattery. Change your own fucking name if you’re that worried about it. Let your kid just be Mike or Robert or Amy or Sarah or whatever. If they want their name to be some weird thing when they get old enough, then they can change it.
Emma was at the top of our list and her middle name was already going to be Lee. Then we realized it was the top name in San Diego at the time. And we didn’t want to be stupid parents naming her Emma Lee and no one ever getting it right.
Mike is a FINE name!
What does Buddy think?
From the looks of his picture he looks like he would fight Tomsula over the contents of the recycle bin.
This guy’s a LOSER in all caps. Just the names of his kids is a dead give away. Jaxon? Really? I know your hick wife picked these stupid names and yet you didn’t have the balls to stop her, you great big pussy.
On a separate note, I think “The Doughnuts” would be a great name for an Arena Football team, regardless of the city. And it should be spelled “Doughnuts,” with all those extra letters that I normally disapprove of.
Wait! First you complain about “Jaxon”, which has 2 fewer letters than the conventional spelling, then you say you disapprove of extra letters. BRICK IS WAFFLING ON HIS ECONOMIC POLICY FOR CHARACTER USAGE
I disapprove of extra letters, and I also disapprove of made-up names. “Donut” is also a no-go, unless it is “Do-Nut” and uses good graphic design. My rules may seem arbitrary but are in fact very precise and are ultimately correct.
TLDR: Doughnut=Good, Jaxon=Stupid
“Waffles and doughnuts?”
– Andy Reid
Coach Nagy. Sounds more like a philosophy than a name.
/pick
/pick
/pick
/pick
/passive aggressive comment
/pick
/pick
/pick
passive aggressive comment
“Here, I’ll give you another copy of the playbook in case you lost yours.”
“I’m sure you’re trying to do your best out there, but maybe next time you throw the ball to someone wearing our uniform?”
yes, dear
Yep totally thought that there woud be leather clad hairy gentlemen on this post.
I would prefer actual bears commentary over Collinsworth.
“This might be a good hire, but then I don’t watch much sportsball.”
I had an internal debate of how badly do I want to make this joke vs how badly do I not want to image search for that kind of Bear.
It was a tough call, but ultimately I serve the greater good. “THE GREATER GOOD.”
“I always love to get beat by Bears. Oh you mean the other kind. Them I live to beat.”
-A.R. from Green Bay
Kudos to Nagy for having an agent or PR person throw out there his alleged gushing over Trubisky. I can imagine the interview: “We loved him in KC! Oh how we kicked outselves when you geniuses and potential new employer picked him. How lucky for the non-retread fella who gets to be the Bears head coach” [pointing thumbs to himself]. Show me an employer immune to validation and flattery, and I’ll call FICTION!
The Bears always end up on prime time anyway, so they might as well be good. Go Nagy.