Holy cow there were a lot of highlights this weekend. Well, lowlights anyways — that’s more the currency around here. That said, as we enter Thanksgiving football day I’d like to shamelessly plug my 2017 Football is Family post.
Anyways, no hype here. Just get to it. Results are still going to go up as scheduled on Friday.
[…] 2018 Quotables – Week 11 (Submissions) – November 20, 2018 […]
“Rest in Piss, McCain”
“It’s fun to stay at the—”
“HOOOO-DOR HODOR!”
“Honestly, if you don’t know what you’re looking for, it don’t really look that bad.” -Rear Admiral Ronnie Jackson
Mustard…ketchup…things squirting all over the place…is this a MNF game or a Bills’ tailgate?
This concludes the debate on if Alex Smith was a bust or if his leg went boom
Left side: “Pfft. You call that groping a child?” – Bishop Charles Ellis III
Right side: You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that.
Dearest Mother,
My attempted use of semaphore to direct my forces in battle has met with mixed results.
Your Son,
Captain A. Luck
1st Hoosier Volunteer Cavalry
That feeling when you’re kidnapped by the Sinaloa Cartel and told you’ll only be released if the Rams win
I haven’t seen a [*Redacted] go down like that in Maryland since the Susquehannock Massacre
I always say you should act like you’ve been there before after scoring a touchdown. Obviously this large man cashed out his kids college fund to attend the game. Money well spent sir, no offspring of yours could pass at U*NC, even if he were on the football team.
“I’M SO EXCITED, MY STEP-SON’S NIPPLES COULD CUT GLASS!!!!”
YES!!! I do want extra gravy with that!
“When I was a Super Bowl winning Quarterback we never would have let this happen.”
-T. Dilfer
https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/quarterback-trent-dilfer-of-the-tampa-bay-buccaneers-watches-as-paul-picture-id51636007
“Ummmm.”
That is some well-preserved hate.
You might even call it the Lynda Carter of hate.
“I haven’t seen a stab move by a defensive all-star end up being so inconsequential since…[receives emergency text from lawyer]…honestly I can’t recall seeing anything like that before, ever.” – Ray Lewis
This is actually a pretty good Mike Zimmer impression.
Justin Tucker: “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???”
Baltimore fans: (stab each other retardedly)
This is what happens when Andy Reid handles the ball without washing his hands between snacks.
Susanna Hoffs sadly shakes her head.
I hate when you people make me look stuff up.
“Whoop, whoop…”
-C. Berman
/needs to see doctor for erection lasting for more than 4 hours.
Beat me to this quoteable
“Two men, pffft, I only needed help from a little crack to do that.”
-L. Taylor
The joy turned to horror later in the afternoon when Willard ate the small child.
Haven’t seen a big Viking go down that easily since Brigitte Nielsen’s sex tape.
Were just told that if the Ram’s win, they get a green card.
This guy’s non-union Mexican equivalent.
“Cut! CUT!!! I didn’t get enough celebration out of that guy on the far right of the shot. Let’s reset for another take.”
“Hey, I just bought a sweet IROC-Z off a former co-worker. What say we burn donuts in the parking lot after the game?”
“My name is Justinius Paulus Tucker, Place Kicker of the AFC North, General of the Purple Camo Army, loyal servant to the true national disgrace, Roger Goodell.”
Republican campaign mailers led me to believe MS-13 were Democrats and Raiders fans
“You want Lindsey Vonn’s digits, brah? Her hands are, like, magic“
[ que Celine Dion music]
I’m King of the worrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllllllddddddddd
Tell ICE to be on the lookout for any Mexicans wearing Ram’s gear in LA, obviously they are not legitimate LA residents. – Der Marmalade Furher
Texans ganging up on a Chief, where have i seen that before…
Crappy the QB
Has an inconsistent arm
If he has a beard or grabs your rear
You know his throws just won’t be near
Crappy the QB
Wears creamsicle orange each week
He can throw 400 yards then disappear
Or from the backseat creepily leer
Crappy the QB
Doesn’t know the meaning of hope
The fans keep drinking just to cope
And to Kap’s agent the GM says nope
It’s fun to stay at the Y
[record scratch] Y
[record scratch] Y
[record scratch] Y
“Y Y Y Y Y Y” – me, watching the Raiders this season
“Spread disasterous wildfires? Well give me a Y…”
“Remind me to suggest we implement a ‘You break it, you buy it policy’ at the next owners meeting” – D. Snyder
You’re with me, leather
I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, that he appears to have brought a football from home or that child services doesn’t appear toward the final frames
In Indianapolis, no one has the flexibility to do the YMCA as originally choreographed.
I’m sure the Raiders’ 2019 first-round pick, 2020 first-round pick, 2020 third-round pick, and 2019 sixth-round pick can also knock over Riley Reiff if they all push together.
“That’s right – I said ‘Breaking Bad’ is better than ‘The Wire’! Don’t @ me!”
“I am absolutely heartbroken. Please raise parking fees by $50 per car.”–Dan Snyder
For fuck’s sake, Kevin James, have a little pride.
You don’t usually see a bear dominate and manhandle another man like that on a network broadcast.