tWBS On Relationships – IV

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In May of 2018 I traveled to Venice Beach, California for two weeks as I sometimes do.  The Venice and Santa Monica area is probably my favorite place in the world.  Venice in particular is a very interesting place to me, if for no other reason than all races and socioeconomic classes, from the impoverished to the affluent, seem to be able to intermingle and find a way to get along.  It’s really quite amazing.  Plus, it’s just plain beautiful there to me.  A fun place to be even when you’re just doing nothing.  Which frankly is usually what I try to do.

Balls Note: Yes, I’m back.  The last episode was too depressing for me to comment on. Anyhoo, on with the show!

tWBS:  You think last week was depressing for you?  Just wait until next week.

Anyway, when I go to Venice, this is where I usually stay…

As you can see, it has a little open air cafe on the ground floor, right on the boardwalk.  And it’s a great place to “people watch”.  And when I stay there, I always ask for the same room.  Room #12.  In that photo above, it’s the top floor and the two windows to the far left.  It’s a simple little room, nothing fancy.  But it does have a full kitchen, which is nice.

Plus, it’s within walking distance to the Santa Monica pier (more on that later).

But the main reason I stay at this place, and ask for this room in particular, is the view.  And this be it…

That’s facing to the northwest towards Malibu.  Santa Monica is out of frame to the right.

But I digress…

Asia Part I – The Meeting

So in May of 2018, I arrived in California.  I was excited for several reasons.  A couple of weeks of relaxation.  A little swimming and maybe surfing if my old body could do it.  Looking at pretty girls in bikinis.  You know, the usual.  But not the least of reasons was that this was the first time I’d come to California after they legalized recreational marijuana (oh don’t act so surprised it’s as if you people just met me or something).

After I get checked in, get to my room and drop my bags, the first place I go is the legal weed store.  Already, on some of my previous stays, I had become pretty good friends with one of the guys who works the hotel front desk.  He’s also a stoner, LOL (plus also a huge baseball fan).  He always calls me #12, because I always request that room.  But anywhooooo….

I asked him which dispensary I should go to.  He didn’t hesitate.  The Rose Collective.

Balls: If L.A. Magazine says you’re the Best Of, then you can take that recommendation to the bank!

tWBS:  Not sure if you’re being sarcastic or not.  Meh, doesn’t matter.

It’s located just around the corner from the hotel, on Rose Avenue, between the main drag of Lincoln Boulevard and the beach.  Not far away, easy to get to, decent parking and they have good stuff, he said.  So there I went.  I go in, show my ID to the front desk security guy and then enter the back room where they got all of the weed.  I was very excited.  And by sheer coincidence and timing, I get waited on by Asia.

As she’s telling me about the different strains they have available, and showing me other products (vape pens, edibles, etc) I sensed that…well, I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I had the feeling she was doing some flirting with me, and more interested than in just the sale.  But here I am, a 51 year old white man from North Carolina, looking at this absolutely gorgeous (IMHO) young African-American girl in California.

Of course I must be mistaken.  Don’t be an idiot, I think.  She probably just wants to sell me as much weed as she can so she’s schmoozing me.  Not that I would have blamed her, I get it.  And I did buy a shitload of weed, admittedly.  But I was going to anyway, LOL.

But the browsing of weed and weed-related products continues for 15-20 minutes.  And so does the flirting.  And now, I’m flirting back just to get a feel of what exactly is the deal here.

So she bags up my purchases, and as I’m paying, I decided what the hell?  Who cares if she shoots me down?  What do I have to lose?  I’ve now got a shitload of weed to raise my spirits when she rejects me.  So I ask…

tWBS (somewhat sheepishly and still half asleep from a cross country flight):  You know, I don’t know your situation, but I’m staying down by the beach.  But when you get off work later, if you wanted to you could come and hang out and share some of it with me.  Can I get your number?

Asia (giggling and pointing to my bag of weed):  My number is already in the bag.

tWBS:  [proverbial chin hits the floor]

Balls: Seriously? This is how it happened???  I’m frankly impressed by this girl’s balls. 

tWBS:  I’ve simplified it here somewhat, but yes that is basically what happened.

When I recovered from the shock, I told her I’d call, and asked her what she likes to drink.  I was going to Ralph’s on Lincoln Blvd anyway.

Balls: Please tell me you have a Ralphs card because I’m pretty sure that the Venice Ralphs is the same Ralphs from the movie.

tWBS:  I also highly recommend the Rite Aid which is a few doors down.


I had already figured I was gonna need some munchies because of the weed, LOL.  Then I went to Ralph’s, and then back to my room, got high, and crashed big time.  Remember, the whole cross country flight thing.  And when I woke up it was past 10pm.

tWBS (to himself):  Awww shit.  Well you really messed this one up, dumbass!!!!!

Balls: And you get mad at ME when I call you a dumbass!

tWBS:  I already know I’m a dumbass sometimes.  Why do you think it pisses me off when you point it out????

Anyway, I frantically start searching for her number in the bag of weed (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say).  And I find it.  I immediately call, but there’s no answer.  What I didn’t know in the moment was that she was working still, and couldn’t answer.  I texted her and apologized for not calling earlier, but if she’d still like to get together it would be great.  Or maybe we could do it tomorrow.  Her response a few minutes later was.

Asia:  No, I’m down.

Now what that meant, and what I thought it meant, turned out to be two totally different things.  I thought she meant she was tired from work and home for the night in bed.  What she actually meant was Yes, let’s do something.  That’s what I get for being 51 and not up on the current slang.

Balls: It’s not the age.  It’s your North Cakalaky background. 

tWBS:  First of all, I don’t have a North Cackalaky background.  I just live here now by necessity.  But maybe to a degree you’re right on that one, though personally I think it had more to do with the fact that I was really high.

Either way, being the old dumbass I am, I texted her back a few minutes later and told her OK, let’s just get together tomorrow if you want?  Then I got high again, walked to the Santa Monica Pier, ate the hell out of some seafood at The Albright, then walked back home.  On the way home I was still pretty high and I stopped and hung out with some chicks in bikinis on the beach with light up hula hoops.  Even got a couple of them high that night.  And was then admonished (not arrested!!!!!) by a cop for smoking weed on the beach in public.

You gotta love California!!!!  In North Carolina, I’d have been arrested, fined, and at the very least put on probation and some sort of drug diversion program.  Like seriously, that is not an exaggeration.  But in California, I put my joint out, told the officer “I’m sorry, thank you”.  And stood up and went back to my room.

Then got high again.  LOL.

Balls: If you knew the shit that happens in Venice,  you’d understand why that cop admonished you.  He’s probably got some homeless person’s crap to deal with.  And that’s actually meant literally. 

tWBS:  Oh trust me.  I know what happens in Venice.  Why do you think I like it there?

Asia Part II – Don’t Fuck It Up Again

When I got back to my room that night I realized I had left my phone in my hotel room.  Because I was high, LOL.  Asia had sent me a text while I was walking to the Santa Monica Pier and back, telling me no, I had misunderstood, she wanted to do something that night.  But by the time I saw that message it was way too late.  So I msg’d her back and explained I had misunderstood.  Let’s get together tomorrow when you get off work.  And so we did.

I picked her up that second night from work and we went to dinner.

Balls: Was A Guy Called Gerald there?

tWBS:  LMFAO!!!!!  Stop that.  Also, no.

It was a little awkward at first to be honest.  How much of that had to do with my screw up the night before and how much had to do with just the newness of our being together I can’t say for sure.  But eventually, as we’re eating dinner, we loosen up a bit.  And we finish dinner and then head back to my hotel room.  And we get high (are you sensing a theme here, lol?) and just sit and watch TV.  And we end up crashing on the couch.  But it was comfortable.  Or at least seemed to be at the time.

The next day, she’s off from work.  So I asked her if she’d like to spend the day on the beach and just hang out.  She says yes, but she needs to go home first and shower and get a change of clothes.  Which she does, and arrives back just after noon.  We hang out on the beach, then the boardwalk, for hours.  Just being together.

Venice Beach Boardwalk

And then we head back to the hotel.  It kinda feels like I’ve hit the “friend zone”.  Which is OK.  We’re having fun regardless.

But then things get interesting.

When we come back inside, she begins preparing some weed to be “consumed”.  It’s all on the counter of my hotel room.  And I get curious about exactly what she’s doing so I get up off the sofa in the room and go over to the counter to observe.  As I walk up behind her and lean over to observe what she’s doing, I inadvertently (as far as you know) brushed against her.  At which point she giggles a bit and then backs up against me.  Now when I say “backs up against me”….  Yes, it means what you think.

I was behind her.  She backed up, and began grinding her (very attractive) backside against my nether regions.

It was intentional.  Even I am not stupid enough to be able to miss those signs.  So as I said, the rest of that day was interesting.  As were the rest of them during my stay.

Over the next week and a half we spent nearly every spare moment together.  It was nice.

Balls: Wait,  you’re just glossing over the sex with “It was nice.”?!?! WTF do you think the DFOers are reading this for??? Certainly not tips on developing successful relationships… 

tWBS:  Yes, I am glossing over.  What do you want to hear, the various positions we shared?  How long it took me to ummmmm….

Like I said, it was “nice”.

Well, except for one thing, and Low Commander  can attest to this one.

The Vegetarian Pizza

I don’t remember exactly which night it was, but I was supposed to drive down to attend a Padres’ game with LCSS and his friends.  Unfortunately, the night before, Asia wanted to eat at a place which sells vegetarian pizza.  Not my thing really, but OK.  So we did.

It did not agree with my gastrointestinal tract.  To say the least.  And instead of being able to drive down, I spent the day (and night) in the bathroom.  Yeeeesh.  So I didn’t get to see Petco Park and that still bugs me to this day.

Balls: Am I the only one that thinks the vegetarian pizza is the fall guy here and tWBS’ stomach just couldn’t handle the massive amounts of weed-induced munchies tWBS was consuming?

tWBS:  You might have a point there.  Either way though, I couldn’t wander too far from a toilet for about 24 hours.

Asia Part III – The July Collapse

We had a very nice time and very much “enjoyed” one another during my visit in May of ’18.  I already had another visit scheduled for July of ’18, so of course we made tentative plans to be together during that following visit in July.  But sometimes things don’t go as planned.

When I returned to California in July of 2018, our initial encounter was actually very nice.

Balls: Nice in that you had sex and you’re using “nice” as a euphemism again or nice in the sense every other person in the world uses it?

I was happy to see her again, and it seemed that she felt the same way.  But it didn’t take long for that to go south.  She became very aloof emotionally (and physically), but was still willing to let me take her out to dinner or go shopping.

Balls: Timeout.  

Why are you taking your Pot Buddy With Benefits shopping?!?

tWBS:  Because I liked her.  We’re not talking major purchases.  It’s not like I bought her a car.  I bought a few little things, we went out to dinner.  Hell I had to eat anyway.  And it made her happy.  That was the point, to make her happy.

But it soon became clear that what this was becoming was a situation where when we were together alone she’d rather just be left alone, more or less.  But if we were going out, or going shopping, she suddenly felt fine.  Interesting, that.

So right or wrong, I ended it.  And she was pissed as hell at me.  I guess I can understand that.  And we didn’t talk for nearly a year.  But as I told you two weeks ago, we did meet up last month when I was out there again.  It was nice to see her.


tWBS:  It can mean a great many things.  Learn English you fucking Mexican asshole.  Anyway, we had a NICE “platonic date”.  But there is no future there.  I’m not that stupid no matter what Balls thinks.  😉


tWBS:  LOL.  Anywhooooo….

That’s it.  Prepare your anuses for next week.  Maybe the next coupla weeks, actually.  We’ll see.

Balls: So, class,  how could tWBS have avoided this heartache? I can think of five different ways,  but let’s open this up to the group.  Please add your thoughts in the comments. 

tWBS:  If I was you, I’d be more worried about next week.  Perhaps the next two.  I know I am.

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An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Nice to see airline pilots and TSA agents have such a cordial working relationship…


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Let’s go to Line 5 with SonOfSpam from California…whaddaya think?

Um, older guy buys a lot of weed and therefore has a lot of disposable cash (relatively speaking) and likes to smoke weed so therefore is a good hookup for whatever you get out of him and this was a short-term win for all involved and you got out just in time and that’s all I have thank you I’ll hang up and listen


Actually, my point was that this was NOT a bad thing. Seems like it went fine for a while, then kinda sideways, then ended as it should have.


Had that happen when I was 30.


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This is 100% correct.


So, along with not starting land wars in Asia, people shouldn’t date others names Asia?


Remember that old saying about how you should never date a woman with a tattoo of a dagger anywhere on her body, or play poker against a guy who has the same name as a city? This is kind of like both of those at the same time.


Time for moar sexy research?


She became very aloof emotionally (and physically), but was still willing to let me take her out to dinner or go shopping.

That sense that he wasn’t getting what he was paying for was the same reason that Andy Reid angrily canceled his subscription to a “sugar daddy” website.


You’d think he’d have learned his lesson after the “Beefcake of the Month” fiasco…


Is becoming a recluse/hermit like our resident pill aficionado water horse not an option?
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Game Time Decision

trying to figure out what the girl in green is doing with her hand


Those nails on her would give Wolverine a run for his money. Did your back look like you got in a fight with a puma in a burlap bag?

Brick Meathook

hey now I wasn’t mentioned once in this whole fuckin’ story


I thought about you when I wrote in my notebook “done”, when Asia became aloof.