Thirsty Thursday Weekend Fútbol Preview and EPL Pool Update

Good afternoon, everyone!  Considering the overwhelming response to the first DFO EPL Tipping pool (18 members and counting!), we decided to create a new weekly post to remind you to put the EPL tips in, tell you who is winning, and to give you the weekend’s fútbol schedule so that you could plan your weekend activities accordingly.  Without further ado, let’s begin:

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EPL Tipping Pool Standings

PlaceTipperRound TipsRound MarginTotal TipsTotal Margin
18080
2SonOfSpam7070
3Balls7070
4King Hippo6060
5Game Time Decision6161
6Fronkenshteen5151
7KBS525151
8Reverend Mayhem5151
9Horatio5151
10Mr. Ayo4040
11Yeah Right4040
12Litre_cola4141
13Sharkbait4141
14nomonkeyfun4343
15Don T4343
16Spur4343
17Blaxxabath413413
18Herodotus2222

Big congratulations to , who stormed out of the gates with a solid 8 tips out of 10 and a 0 goal margin!

If you want to join the pool, there is still plenty of time as we’ve only just begun Round 1. It’s free to play and all you have to do is create an account with ESPN Australia. It’s a different ESPN from here, so your normal ESPN login will not work: https://www.footytips.com.au/competitions/?ff=settings&competitionId=573249

***

EPL Weekend Schedule

Well, if you insist…

I’m being told that Canadian viewers only need to sign up for DAZN and they can get all the coverage of all the fútbol leagues in one place. In the US, NBC holds the rights, so you’ll be able to see games on their networks and the NBC Sports Gold package. Here are the games on tap this weekend (all times Pacific and home teams always listed first):

Saturday, August 17, 2019

4:30 AM – Arsenal v Burnley

7:00 AM – Aston Villa v AFC Bournemouth

7:00 AM – Brighton & Hove Albion v West Ham United

7:00 AM – Everton v Watford

7:00 AM – Norwich City v Newcastle United

7:00 AM – Southampton v Liverpool

9:30 AM – Manchester City v Tottenham Hotspur

Sunday, August 18, 2019

6:00 AM – Sheffield United v Crystal Palace

8:30 AM – Chelsea v Leicester City

Monday, August 19, 2019

12:00 Noon – Wolverhampton Wanderers v Manchester United

***

¿Quieres un bote? Te compro un bote.

For those of you that like your fútbol with a little more latin flair, La Liga kicks off this weekend with Round 1! In the US and Canada, BeIn Sports is the rights-holder for La Liga, so you can find all the games there. Here is this week’s schedule (all times Pacific and home teams always listed first):

Friday, August 16, 2019

12:00 Noon – Athletic Club v Barcelona

Saturday, August 17, 2019

8:00 AM – Celta de Vigo v Real Madrid

10:00 AM – Valencia v Real Sociedad

11:00 AM – Mallorca v Éibar

12:00 Noon – Leganés v Osasuna

12:00 Noon – Villarreal v Granada

Sunday, August 18, 2019

8:00 AM – Deportivo Alavés v Levante

10:00 AM – Espanyol v Sevilla

12:00 Noon – Real Betis v Real Valladolid

12:00 Noon – Atlético Madrid v Getafe

Monday, August 19, 2019

No game scheduled

***

Tú también.

For those of you that like your games with even MORE Latin flair, here is the schedule for Liga MX (all times Pacific and home teams always listed first):

Friday, August 16, 2019

5:00 PM – Puebla v Pachuca

7:00 PM – Atlas v Cruz Azul

Saturday, August 17, 2019

3:00 PM – Atlético San Luis v Tigres UANL

5:00 PM – León v Guadalajara

7:00 PM – América v Morelia

7:00 PM – Monterrey v Toluca

Sunday, August 18, 2019

10:00 AM – Pumas UNAM v Veracruz

3:00 PM – Necaxa v Santos Laguna

5:00 PM – Juárez v Querétaro

***

How is she not married?!?

For those of you that like your fútbol with a Teutonic edge, the Bundesliga also begins this weekend! In the United States, Fox Sports has the rights, so you can find games on the Fox Sports networks. Here is the weekend schedule (you know the drill..):

Friday, August 16, 2019

11:30 AM – Bayern München v Hertha BSC

Saturday, August 17, 2019

6:30 AM – Borussia Dortmund v Augsburg

6:30 AM – Bayer Leverkusen v Paderborn

6:30 AM – Wolfsburg v Köln

6:30 AM – Werder Bremen v Fortuna Düsseldorf

6:30 AM – Freiburg v Mainz 05

9:30 AM – Borussia Mönchengladbach v Schalke 04

Sunday, August 18, 2019

6:30 AM – Eintracht Frankfurt v Hoffenheim

9:00 AM – Union Berlin v RB Leipzig

***

No comment…

Finally, for those of you that prefer crêpes in the morning, Ligue 1 continues with Round 2. BeIn Sports is the rights-holder. Luckily, BeIn Sports has like 8 channels through their BeIn Sports Connect app, so you can see most of the games live:

Friday, August 16, 2019

11:45 AM – Olympique Lyonnais v Angers SCO

Saturday, August 17, 2019

8:30 AM – Nantes v Olympique Marseille

11:00 AM – Metz v Monaco

11:00 AM – Toulouse v Dijon

11:00 AM – Nîmes v Nice

11:00 AM – Amiens SC v Lille

11:00 AM – Bordeaux v Montpellier

Sunday, August 18, 2019

6:00 AM – Saint-Etienne v Brest

8:00 AM – Reims v Strasbourg

12:00 Noon – Rennes v PSG

***

Oh hai there!

For those of you that are curious, yes we will be covering Serie A in this post, but they don’t begin until next weekend.

As I like to say on the AFL Beat:

DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!

Le fin

Enjoy the weekend!

***

Wait just a second…. I’m getting someone in my ear telling me that this post is also supposed to serve as the Open Thread tonight!

Alrighty then!

What’s on the TV?

IT’S THE BLAX BOWL!!

Live on ESPN at 5:00 PM Pacific, it’s the Las Vegas Raiders against the Arizona Cardinals!

I don’t think I need to go any further, do I? Blax Future vs. Blax Past. WHO YA GOT?!?

(96/69)

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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[…] good imaginary buddy Balls done got you covered on the matches – so Hippo keeps it short and sweet.  After Everton hosts the Moose Hornets in the 10a […]

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

BOOOO!!!!! Worst DJ evah!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Adjustable Cats. That’s a million dollar idea!!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Mr. Ayo

Haha. Stupid cats.

Fronkenshteen

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SonOfSpam

So I haven’t had a (non-liquid) carb in about 2.5 weeks. Down around 12 pounds. Tonight’s dinner was lettuce-wrapped carnitas with cheese and sour cream. Dieting is hell, except when it’s not.

Also, the Angels are terrible (the ones who haven’t mysteriously died yet), but Trout hit #40 tonight.

Unsurprised

Lucky

SonOfSpam

Actually, no, I think Trout’s just really good.

Unsurprised

Nice

theeWeeBabySeamus

These guys agree.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

39/ There will always be more time to land spacecraft on the Moon to study how they blow dust. There will never be another time when the first set of humans that walked on another world turns the wonderment of that experience into art. I love Alan that he saw this & defended it.

— Dr. Phil Metzger (@DrPhiltill) May 27, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Fronkenshteen

Fuck yeah! The league is full, baby! Good luck everyone!
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Dunstan

“And you want to be my latex salesman.”

Sorry, wrong sitcom.

Physical comedy: John Ritter vs. Chevy Chase vs. John Cleese — WHO YA GOT? I’m going with Jack Tripper all the way.

Unsurprised

Ritter

He was so committed to the craft that he died as a pivotal moment between acts of the 8 Simple Rules series.

Unsurprised

Go Trojans!

Fronkenshteen

Ritter. He’s up there with Dick Van Dyke and Larry Hagman.

Dunstan

Hagman’s an interesting mention. From his I Dream of Jeannie days?

SonOfSpam

Nah, from his attempts to get through life with his original liver.

Fronkenshteen

Exactly. All those scenes of playing off an invisible Jeannie. Great stuff.

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

BeerGuyRob apparently made a gif last winter.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Mr. Ayo

Haha. Stupid dogs.

Unsurprised

Mom! My weiner got wet!

nomonkeyfun

Senor still plays Pokemon Go?

Senor Weaselo

I hit Level 39 yesterday!

Unsurprised

Put a helmet on your weiner

Gratliff

Appreciate the Phillies honoring the coming football season by fucking another Chicago team

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boooooooooo

Spur

Going from a 4k monitor to a HD monitor feels like HD to SD TV

Brick Meathook

It’s like going from 3-strip Technicolor down to some crappy 16mm work print.

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Brick Meathook

Look at the latches on that access door. It looks like an Apollo CM hatch.

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Unsurprised

So what do we think of this?
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Dunstan

If it’s a new body-switching comedy, I’m up for it. Haven’t had one of those in a while.

Dunstan

Ooh, and I’ve got a title for it:

“One of the Goodell Ones”

Unsurprised

Damn. That’s brilliant.

Spur

Uncle Carter

Unsurprised

Agreed

King Hippo

Ginger Hammer has a black friend now? That makes everything ok ,, obvs

LemonJello

Did an intern have to tell the National Disgrace that he wasn’t meeting with a player about a suspension for an “off field incident”?

Unsurprised

Goodell, like all good henchmen, recognizes wealth on a preternatural level.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“If you can’t buy em, what’s the point?”
–The Ghost of Jerry Richardson

Unsurprised

Earlier on Facebook I linked to a tweet of a video from the UK’s Channel 4 where aa PRC spokesman tells the host that China does not give a fuck what the UK says or thinks about what’s going on in Hong Kong. “The UK is in no position to bluff China … Those years and that historical period have passed by forever.” https://twitter.com/FunkButcher/status/1157282862720307200

All empires fall. And sometimes the new boss has not easily forgotten old crimes. And certainly not forgiven.

Anyway, I just felt like mentioning that and this seems like the best place. Good night.

Spur

Folks

Col. Duke LaCross

Sir.

WCS

Koach Kliff is going to be fired before the bye week.

King Hippo

he seems like the kind of guy with enough self-awareness to keep Keim awash in good booze

The Maestro

He’s also probably got a buddy with a Cessna with a false floorboard to it.

Spur

Go ahead. Go Kliff already impregnated half of Scottsdale

WCS

file:///storage/emulated/0/Download/tumblr_ne4zaaqG441qbr3fho4_500.gif

Gratliff

TAke a look, y’all

theeWeeBabySeamus

I love that episode.
“That’s a stupid place to keep bowls”

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Oh, I thought the traditional way to cheat at tipping was to lower your score.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Four (4) more slots available in my DFO Fantasy Football League. Entry is free, and the winner gets $100 Amex gift card.

https://fantasy.espn.com/football/league/join?leagueId=70181198&inviteId=c0aadb44-4eea-4c22-8a2d-fe169ecfd269

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Grab a team. Don’t cost nothin’.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

I’m in. Just thinking of the bestest name in all the lands.

Unsurprised

Is “Jeffrey Epstein’s towel was a hand-me-down from Aaron Hernandez” too long?

LemonJello

That is banner worthy.

Sharkbait

Oh thats good.

JerBear50

I know I’m not around much any more. Ok if I get in?

Mr. Ayo

The #metoo movement is really making a difference!

JerBear50

They’re my plants, and I’ll cum wherever I goddamn well please.

Fronkenshteen

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You fucking youngsters don’t know about the really difficult times! We had to fucking WAIT for an image to download.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Downloading multiple binary files on a newsgroup that you had to combine to build one 36KB jpeg.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Fronkenshteen

Remember when a drunk guy wrote to Denmark and asked if he could have Greenland, and Denmark replied.

(cc @realDonaldTrump)https://t.co/6r74STHBI2 pic.twitter.com/gRAoiMpm1B

— Letters of Note (@LettersOfNote) August 15, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY BLAX I CALL HIM LOOPER.

and

THIS GUY BLAXITO I CALL HIM POOPER.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So after my double workout yesterday, I’ve done nothing today. Almost literally nothing, actually.

King Hippo

My 5-hour nap gave me the GREATEST sens of accomplishment

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shit’s goin’ down, man.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sigh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

found a funny:
me: son, today you become a man
“are you gonna teach me how to shave?”
[cutting up hot dogs and stirring mac and cheese] even better

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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litre_cola

1. What about BSC Young Boys?
2. Puebla is as mediocre as it gets which suits my fandom.
3. Mighty Whitey plays Chesterfield tomorrow.
4. We should really feature an obscure team that Hippo bets on. THIS 3RD DIV TEAM FROM BELARUS REALLY ATTACKS FROM THE GET GO.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For #1; it had to be done.

King Hippo

Midtylland and Riga FC both fucked me over today in Europa preliminaries.

litre_cola

Midgetland? I don’t think that is cool nowadays.

King Hippo

hey man don’t sweat teh small stuff imo godbless

Petronel

Next question needs to be some variety of either “How many flags will be thrown tonight?’ [3-25, 26-50, 51-75, 76+] or “how many calls will Lil Hochule fuck up tonight?” [same set of options]

LemonJello

[*Redacted] s Bungles FEEL THE EXCITE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“IT’S THE BLAX BOWL!!”

Dude, put away your MAGA hat and call it the Celebration Bowl.

nomonkeyfun

Hey what about the MLS schedule?

I would post a picture of the American female soccer fan, but they are all 12 year old fans of the USWNT, and I’m not Jeffrey Epstein.

SonOfSpam

Since the MLS is the best league in the world, the author just assumes we already know the schedule. All hail Ibra and the LA Galaxy!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Nobra wins

Sharkbait

All times Pacific? I’m sick of this left coast bias!

SonOfSpam

Can’t hear you over all the moaning hot babes and earthquakes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

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“I’m not getting any sports readings, just a bunch of soccer talk…”