Look, I hate the NFC East as much as anyone. The teams are always overrated and they get all kinds of coverage because, hey, that’s how the NFL and sports media works. As you’ve all noticed, I try to give Ample Love (title of the Meghan McCain sex tape) to non A-list teams here on Quotables. Jaguars, Titans, Dolphins, Jets — this is the Quotables Market teams. Though this may simply be because these teams are, more often than not, a complete joke. Nonetheless, we’ve got a very DAL-NYG heavy submissions week for you this Week 9. Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad — the important thing is that you all make it funny.
For those of you who many be new to this weekly feature, simply copy the gif address in the comments with your caption. We’ll reveal the best captions on Friday’s results post. Previous weeks/seasons efforts my be referenced here. And, for those of you who are very adamant about winning, my paypal is [email protected].
Hey, why the Ben have wait for locker room? Harf.
Who the fuck asked for another Sabrina the Teenage Witch remake?
Don’t feed him after midnight!
Not gonna lie, that’s an amazing April O’Neill costume for Halloween
No, no, he’s not cursing. Rather he’s expressing his opinion about the sexuality of a fellow patron who accidentally bumped into him while walking past.
GET THE FAN A CONTRACT (to work as a security guard at Chargers games)!
Apparently the Jets’ center is seeing ghosts too, and thought he could scare them away by hurling a football at them.
Ezekiel Elliott once again voices a complaints that this spelling bee was rigged, man.
I haven’t seen a man in a red hat behaving so affectionately towards a woman in a yellow jacket since George Zimmerman’s agent from Century 21 told him that his place had closed at 10% above the asking price.
. . . so then while I’m banging Eli in his pooper, Dan’l Jones drops a dead hooker on us and we switch off skullfucking her while the Cowboys slide along to an unearned win.
Agent: Coach Shurmur what do you call this act?
?
Coach Shurmur: The Aristocats!
Sometimes you eat the bar, and well, sometimes rectal bleeding is the least of your concerns.
THIS IS A NEW YORK SIZED MOUTHHOLE
Can you imagine how scared this guy’s realdoll is going to be when he gets home?
It’s gonna be all right, Sully, we’ll get ’em in the playahffs. For fack’s sake, they don’t even have a quataback, just a really athletic guy taking all the snaps.
Hold still, baby…let the quaking bleachers do the work.
At least I didn’t run into anyone’s butt and subsequently fumble.
Aw, man. At this rate, we’ll never win the Battle of Endor!
Sam wishes this was a ghost
I also love how he just totally gives up on the play
Fan reacts reasonably to Josh Gordon being cut
So he’s not crying, he’s just got red eyes from…other… factots
THIS TEAM IN GREEN, I CALL THEM THE JOINT STRIKE FIGHTER PROGRAM BECAUSE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ARE BEING WASTED ON EACH INDIVIDUAL JET.
“Man, now I want a kitty cat!”
“…Jimmy…Jimmy…Jimmy…”
“He’s gone, Tawmmy. Let it go. Let it go.”
When the concept of the Cleveland Steamer is horribly, woefully misunderstood.
TFW, when you realize you’re machine’s a dud, stuck in the mud, somewhere in the swamps of Jersey.
“Did you get your job because you Mom was really good at it? That’s how I got this job.”
“Last week, you said I shouldn’t have thrown it forward. I didn’t know they could get it from behind me too! Quarterbacking is HAAAAAARD!”
If I can derp it there, I’ll derp it anywhere.
Its up to you New York, New York.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMfz1jlyQrw
“Oh my GOD! Did you see Gomes’ ankle? When did they start running Premier League recaps on the JumboTron?”
that is one replay I will never, EVER watch
AYUP
I’ll see your Gomes and raise a checked leg kick./cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/26035961/20131228_jla_aj4_533.0.jpg)
I think he is getting annoyed at Helga yelling “Hey Darnold” at the most inappropriate times.
“See, we don’t mind black quarterbacks! And at least he’s not Kaepernick.”
The face you make when you are removed from the matrix and realize that your team is actually not an elite Super Bowl Contender.
I haven’t seen such blatant foreshadowing since Forrest Whitaker referred to his “special friend” in The Crying Game.
+1 surprisedong
HARF HARF LAW-TALKING SUITMAN SAY SURPRISE DONG GOT THE BEN IN TROUBLE.
It’s nahhhht fahhhhhr. Typicah Bahtimah gangbangahs stole what should owahs. Ya cahn’t deny that.
Jay Cutler looking surprisingly engaged during his return to the field
Burro not pictured.
It’s Todd Haley’s Coloradan cousin.
“I’ve…seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Love Boats on fire off the shore of Lake Minnetonka. I watched Manti Te’o try to garner Heisman votes with a fake dead girlfriend story near the Golden Dome. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.” -Deadspin
That’s great.
“Wait, that’s NOT Eli figuratively shitting all over the field out there!?!”
“ELI DID A SWEAR????”
Always nice when the Make A Wish foundation helps a dying youth with a last request.*
* The youth was me
* My request was to see a Pats fan cry pathetically after a Pats loss
* I am not a youth
* I am not dying
* Still going to Disney World
* In Trump’s America defrauding charities is admired
Even Skynet wants nothing to do with this game. It’s refusing to allow HD to work on this broadcast.
“I could really go for a big bowl of lead paint chips right about now.”
“It’s going to be fine. Even though Deadspin is gone, I’ve heard tales told of a wonderful place just on the other side of the internet where the dick jokes flow like wine. It’ll be heaven, just you wait and see! [Door Flies Open], I’m coming home to you!”
That’s not how you join The Mile High Club.
“My gawd, would you LOOK at the size of that black pussy!?!”
Watching on television, a confused Richie Incognito wonders why Jonathan Martin is running across the Meadowlands field.
absolute BRILLIANCE
“Coach! My EYES are UP HERE!”
“Eyes?” -K. Shanahan
My job title says “ask me about the football game”. My hat says “I’ve seen that peephole video a thousand times”.
And his shirt says “I’m the one who clued Kraft in to Orchids of Asia”
The guy in the tie’s pants say he thinks he may have brushed his hand against Erin’s breast and he’ll need to send them to the cleaners…
America reacting to the possibility that one of these always classic Giants/Cowboys games might once not be aired in primetime
“Not on my watch.”
-R. Goodell, National Disgrace