2019 Quotables – Week 10 (Submissions)

Here’s the deal, I think today’s entries are an improvement on last week’s. Therefore, I am phoning in the text portion of this post. Please see your Week 10 Quotables submissions below.


Noncontact fumbles are considered a football move, right?

Much better than any Sean Spicer cha-chas.

WHADDAYA MEAN RTD DON’T WANNT WATCH THESE GUYS???

I guess the Titans D has some kind of Steve Keim pre-drive routine celebration?

I get safety and all but I feel like blitzing backs who go this untouched should be allowed — nay, obligated — to headshot the quarterback.

“These guys won’t be allowed to wear white once they’re done with me.” – Mike Pence, smiling in his sleep

Just literally took the ball and pushed Jones to the ground. How is this not starring Eli?

Kewl.
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I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 10 (Submissions) – November 12, 2019 […]

Unsurprised

Hat tip to Downfield Matriculator for the inspiration.

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You know, Groucho Marx once said that hickory BBQ repeats itself, first as tragedy and then as farts.

I don’t think that’s how that quote goes, coach.

Shut up.

Brocky

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I see Peyton Barber is carrying on his cousin Marion’s tradition of idiotic fumbles

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Unsurprised

Peyton dropping it like a hot teabag?

JerBear50

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This Brian Hoyer, I call him Hank Hill because he’s getting a lot of unwanted attention from aggressive Dolphins.

Unsurprised

Dolphins will do that. I’ve seen the videos.

Senor Weaselo
LemonJello

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Andrew Luck doesn’t regret retiring one bit.

LemonJello

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LAMAR!: “Guys! GUYS! Guess who I am? GUESS!?! I’M BRIAN BOSWORTH! I’M THE BOZ!!!!”
Team: “Who?”

Unsurprised

THE BOZ, as recently seen in the movie where this asshole tries to shoot God:

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Horatio Cornblower

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Figures that the Cowboys saved their best moves when facing away from the end zone.

Unsurprised

He’s not facing away. He’s just only ever played on this side of the 50 yard line

Horatio Cornblower

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I knew the Bengals were bad, but Baltimore starting Stevie Wonder at QB still seems like rubbing it in.

JerBear50

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Unsurprised

“You wanna impress me? Take the wheel for a little while, motherfucker!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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To paraphrase the Bill Murray movie “Quick Change”…no, no, if those were my Raiders he’d have fumbled and then fallen down BEFORE he made it to the end zone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Other coaches are taking note of Dak’s chicken wing distraction dance and adding it to their gameplan against the Chiefs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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THIS GUY JAMAL ADAMS I CALL HIM JACK CAUSE HE JUST ROBBED A GIANT.

LemonJello

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Dak’s works on his Rex Grossman impression during warm-ups resulting in tens of missed periods, but thankfully no pregnancies.

LemonJello

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I’m not sure this tribute to Al Davis’s last moments was appropriate

nomonkeyfun

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“Too flashy.”

-J. Flacco

LemonJello

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Another week, another complaint to NFL HQ from the Somali pirates about this egregious slandering of their chosen profession.

LemonJello

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CTE has the whole Titans team thinking they’re the ’72 Dolphins

SonOfSpam

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Nissan Stadium charges $12 for Bud Light and $15 for Imaginary Pale Ale.

SonOfSpam

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Haven’t seen a Giant go down that easily since Flavor Flav offered Brigitte Nielsen some coke.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Outstanding

Horatio Cornblower

And we’re done with this one.

Brocky

To quote a comment I saw years ago:

Its sonofspam’s world, we’re just living in it

Unsurprised

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SonOfSpam

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What happens when the Ravens invite Timbuk3 to play halftime.

SonOfSpam

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You know, that dance isn’t as safe as they said it was.

TheRevanchist

For that Jameis Winston one:

“Those fucking ghosts got to Jameis, too!” – Sam Darnold

TheRevanchist

I saw dumb fumble, and the first thing that came to mind was Jameis being Jameis. If they need a brain to study CTE, it has to be his.

Game Time Decision

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Reporter: Has Dak passed the concussion protocol?
NFL: Yep

ArmedandHammered

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He took those moves from a thalomide baby practicing kung fu.

ArmedandHammered

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“Here, here, just take it and leave, I don’t want no trouble” – Danny Dimes flashing back to walking through the wrong neighborhood in Durham

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This Veterans Day, the Titans are honoring the proud legacy of the brave men and women who sacrificed their livers at bachelor and bachelorette parties across the battlefield of Broadway.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This hits me right in the G Spot

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The one time Chris Berman’s “whoop whoop whoop” would have been appropriate, and I’m still glad he’s off the air.

nomonkeyfun

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Always good to see Joe Pisarcik getting another chance in the Pros.

Downfield Matriculator

History repeats itself, first as tragedy then as farce
– K. Marx

Unsurprised

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“They say that belly fat forms a belt restricting how much a person can eat in a timed race, but I have run these calculations and I think I can still put down an entire cow and three whole hogs before that Chestnut fella.”

“Coach. That’s just a bunch of sauce stains.”

“Shut up.”

Game Time Decision

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I’LL BE BACK

Game Time Decision

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you’re doing it wrong, you’re supposed to drop the ball on the 1. smh

Game Time Decision

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This guys *gets* it

Enrico Pallazzo

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Florida cops get a bad wrap but I think it’s cool that they let you strike a pose in Jameis’s weekly police lineup.

Enrico Pallazzo

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And this would not be the last time that Alabama laid down on a football field that weekend

nomonkeyfun

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“My God. What a disrespectful display to all those out there who suffer from substance abuse problems. Now a few words from our sponsor Bud Light, the official beer of the NFL.”

-J. Buck

nomonkeyfun

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First it was MRSA, now the Tampa locker room is a breeding ground for Fumble-itis.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“This gives me an idea. Is Stevie Wonder available to play quarterback?”

–Ryan Pace

Unsurprised

Kaep- who?

Horatio Cornblower

OH GODDAMMIT!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I haven’t seen a ham move like that since Jon Lovitz in the Wedding Singer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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That’s the kind of defensive pressure you expect to see when you line up in the world’s dumbest formation.

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King Hippo

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Ur move, Shakira!!