2019 Quotables – Week 17 (Submissions)

blaxabbath
Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

This is it, folks. The end of the regular season. And for most of your teams, Quotables is the last place you’ll get to see “highlights” of your favorite team, outside of the Sports Illustrated team videos that come with your subscriptions [I assume, anyways].

As for me, if you haven’t been following random comments in open threads, I won my fantasy league instead of posting Quotables over Week 16. Also I was hosting Christmas and, well, that’s its own post. Prime rib turned out good though. But how did I do it? Well by picking up a defensive unit poised for a huge week. It’s called being a sober and aware GM, Steve Keim.


Anyways, a special thank you — or, gracias vous — to Don T whose kind letter reminded me that NFL ACTION doesn’t stop just because fantasy season is over. So I’ll be getting him back a personal letter and, for the rest of you, your Week 17 Quotables are below.


Hey! And speaking of Don T….

“Because Bryants don’t have fathers. YEEEE HAWWWW!!!! I’M FUCKIN’ CRAZY!!!!!” – Jerry Jones, in response to being asked why fire Jason Garrett for these plays rather than, say, Ventell Bryant’s father who didn’t teach him the basics of watching a pass reach your hands?

♫♫ Friday, Friday // Gettin’ down on Friday // Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend ♫♫

Actually, that makes sense. The 2019 New York Giants are the glitch in The Matrix.

Just…..wow. What a time to be alive.

Note to self: Never stand near Joe “Beatie” Mixon while being recorded by a grainy camera.


“People like to act shocked Bill filmed the Browns. Newsflash: New England straight cheats. We do it all the time. Get over it.”

Giants going deep with the “Everybody do the Steve Keim” TD celebration.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Please Login to comment
40 Comment threads
6 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
15 Comment authors
SonOfSpamGame Time DecisionMoose -The End Is Well Nighbk109BrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
2019 Quotables – Week 17 (Results) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 17 (Submissions) – December 31, 2019 […]

SonOfSpam

comment image

My name is White Dru
And I’m here to say
I’m the throwinest
Guy in the USA

I like lots of wine
(only white, of course)
And my old GM
Is a fucking horse

WIGGITY WIGGITY WACK

Game Time Decision

comment image

It slices, it dices, it cuts, it chops, and if you call now, we’ll include a, yet to be named, STD with your order free of charge

Game Time Decision

comment image

Eli hoped it would be his turn to play pinball next

Game Time Decision

comment image

It’s nice to see the NFL supporting the “Make a Wish” foundation

bk109
bk109

Report: No news coming Tuesday from Dallas Cowboys on Jason Garrett front, another meeting will happen
157
Still no decision on Jason Garrett’s future.

If that’s not proof fucking positive that there’s some really dark shit on Jerruh in Garrett’s hands, I don’t know what is…

Game Time Decision

comment image

We’ve replaced the usual Dallas receivers with ones from Philadelphia, let’s see if anyone notices

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Last year’s Eagles had heart, but Giants Football to the Groin had a football to the groin

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

♫♫ Friday, Friday // Gettin’ down on Friday // Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend ♫♫

She’s 22 or 23 now and Rebecca Black is fine.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Given the budget cuts I assume a SI subscription now just consists of them sending you a one-time brick through your windshield wrapped in a bill for the brick and brick thrower.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

This is Gronk’s “masturbate to fancy porn” outfit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

The scariest thing is that this guy is a Tennessee 8.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To his cousin.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

26-21 is just as memorable as 28-3, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

“[REDACTED]!”
–Jerry Jones

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

It looks like he is trying to do the Macarana, but it looks more like he prefers to do macaroons.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To be fair; they ARE delicious.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

With the fine he is about to hand out, Goodell, calls this move “Bowling for Dollars”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

We all know that Eli’s balls never dropped that low.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

People ask me all the time, “Gronk what is your favorite flavor of KY jelly? And I have to tell them that if they can’t get her wet enough without external topicals, then they really need to up their foreplay. Why do you think I like 69 so much.”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

Impressive improv of a rap version of “Wheels on the Bus”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Jerome Bettis came out of retirement?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

YOU BETTA TACKLE SOMEBOOOOOODY!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Roseanne Barr’s daughter is in better shape than we thought.

Enrico Pallazzo

comment image

I suppose this is better than “everyone do the Plaxico Burress” celebration

LemonJello
LemonJello

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“You really hate to see the symptoms and signs of brain injury in such a promising young player.”
-T. Green, moments before forgetting his name, location and what he was just talking about

rockingdog
rockingdog

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

“Other than all the witness testimony, there’s no evidence! And how can you impeach when neither one of the parties delivered on the agreed-upon terms of the bribe?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

[sound effect of bowling pins being knocked over]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

I would have thought this was Alex Smith except for the fact that the guy in it appears to be able to walk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OOOF, nice.

Fronkenshteen

THIS VIRGINIA TECH – KENTUCKY GAME I CALL THE “CRAIG JAMES BOWL”, BECAUSE IT’S GONNA RESULT IN A DEAD HOOKER.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

“Drew? More like Peee-ew!” – Elisha, trying to take the popular new kid down a peg

King Hippo

comment image?resize=500%2C500&ssl=1

yo yo shizzle
even teh Hippo likes me nizzle

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
Out of frame: Eli giggling about the slippery and weird tasting jelly from Olivia’s underwear drawer that he put on the ball.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
Deep down, Shanny The Younger knew this performance still wouldn’t earn him a seat at the adults’ table for New Year’s Eve dinner…

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
Nice to see the Zapruders are keeping up with family tradition.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done. One bowler.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
In other P*triots filming news, here’s a clip from Gronk’s audition tape for the lead henchman in a James Bond XXX parody.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
Eli was pretty mad about not getting included in this celebration, until he was told that it was only an imaginary juice box.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Daniel Jones: Great Job guys and ummmm….oh hell no I’m too old to be doing this stupid shit. I’m outta here.
Eli Manning: But we got juice boxes and everything!!!!!!

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
THIS is the Erotic Smashmouth I’ve been hearing so much about?”