This is it, folks. The end of the regular season. And for most of your teams, Quotables is the last place you’ll get to see “highlights” of your favorite team, outside of the Sports Illustrated team videos that come with your subscriptions [I assume, anyways].
As for me, if you haven’t been following random comments in open threads, I won my fantasy league instead of posting Quotables over Week 16. Also I was hosting Christmas and, well, that’s its own post. Prime rib turned out good though. But how did I do it? Well by picking up a defensive unit poised for a huge week. It’s called being a sober and aware GM, Steve Keim.
Anyways, a special thank you — or, gracias vous — to Don T whose kind letter reminded me that NFL ACTION doesn’t stop just because fantasy season is over. So I’ll be getting him back a personal letter and, for the rest of you, your Week 17 Quotables are below.
[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 17 (Submissions) – December 31, 2019 […]
My name is White Dru
And I’m here to say
I’m the throwinest
Guy in the USA
I like lots of wine
(only white, of course)
And my old GM
Is a fucking horse
WIGGITY WIGGITY WACK
It slices, it dices, it cuts, it chops, and if you call now, we’ll include a, yet to be named, STD with your order free of charge
Eli hoped it would be his turn to play pinball next
It’s nice to see the NFL supporting the “Make a Wish” foundation
Report: No news coming Tuesday from Dallas Cowboys on Jason Garrett front, another meeting will happen
157
Still no decision on Jason Garrett’s future.
If that’s not proof fucking positive that there’s some really dark shit on Jerruh in Garrett’s hands, I don’t know what is…
We’ve replaced the usual Dallas receivers with ones from Philadelphia, let’s see if anyone notices
Last year’s Eagles had heart, but Giants Football to the Groin had a football to the groin
She’s 22 or 23 now and Rebecca Black is fine.
Given the budget cuts I assume a SI subscription now just consists of them sending you a one-time brick through your windshield wrapped in a bill for the brick and brick thrower.
This is Gronk’s “masturbate to fancy porn” outfit
The scariest thing is that this guy is a Tennessee 8.
To his cousin.
26-21 is just as memorable as 28-3, right?
“[REDACTED]!”
–Jerry Jones
It looks like he is trying to do the Macarana, but it looks more like he prefers to do macaroons.
To be fair; they ARE delicious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT6OeBeWT8g
With the fine he is about to hand out, Goodell, calls this move “Bowling for Dollars”
We all know that Eli’s balls never dropped that low.
People ask me all the time, “Gronk what is your favorite flavor of KY jelly? And I have to tell them that if they can’t get her wet enough without external topicals, then they really need to up their foreplay. Why do you think I like 69 so much.”
Impressive improv of a rap version of “Wheels on the Bus”
Jerome Bettis came out of retirement?
YOU BETTA TACKLE SOMEBOOOOOODY!
Roseanne Barr’s daughter is in better shape than we thought.
TRENT-GREEN-O-VISION
I suppose this is better than “everyone do the Plaxico Burress” celebration
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNtTEibFvlQ
“You really hate to see the symptoms and signs of brain injury in such a promising young player.”
-T. Green, moments before forgetting his name, location and what he was just talking about
“Other than all the witness testimony, there’s no evidence! And how can you impeach when neither one of the parties delivered on the agreed-upon terms of the bribe?”
[sound effect of bowling pins being knocked over]
I would have thought this was Alex Smith except for the fact that the guy in it appears to be able to walk.
OOOF, nice.
THIS VIRGINIA TECH – KENTUCKY GAME I CALL THE “CRAIG JAMES BOWL”, BECAUSE IT’S GONNA RESULT IN A DEAD HOOKER.
“Drew? More like Peee-ew!” – Elisha, trying to take the popular new kid down a peg
yo yo shizzle
even teh Hippo likes me nizzle
Out of frame: Eli giggling about the slippery and weird tasting jelly from Olivia’s underwear drawer that he put on the ball.
Deep down, Shanny The Younger knew this performance still wouldn’t earn him a seat at the adults’ table for New Year’s Eve dinner…
Nice to see the Zapruders are keeping up with family tradition.
Well done. One bowler.
In other P*triots filming news, here’s a clip from Gronk’s audition tape for the lead henchman in a James Bond XXX parody.
Eli was pretty mad about not getting included in this celebration, until he was told that it was only an imaginary juice box.
Daniel Jones: Great Job guys and ummmm….oh hell no I’m too old to be doing this stupid shit. I’m outta here.
Eli Manning: But we got juice boxes and everything!!!!!!
“THIS is the Erotic Smashmouth I’ve been hearing so much about?”