2020 Quotables – Week 1 (Submissions)

blaxabbath
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Man, Quotables has historically gotten a lot of mileage out of fan shots. With the WUFLU stealing our 2nd Amendment or whatever, I’m leaning on you, the reader (who, I might remind you, is all in this together), to pick up the slack here. The good news though? It’s pretty clear there was not a preseason this year.

Anyways, for any of you who are new to the Quotables format, it’s pretty simple: post your caption submission in the comments and we will recognize the winners on Friday’s Results post. All gifs are hosted on [DFO] so — actually, I was told to provide this information to you; I don’t actually understand why it would be useful. Nonetheless, we may or may not have reached our word limit so, with that said, please find below your Week 1 Quotables submissions.


I didn’t watch any football this weekend but I assume this is a pretty popular clip.

 

KIRK COUSINS FOOTBALL IS BACK!

 


Social Justice Game Ball to the billionaire who gave a million dollars to Trump’s Inauguration Fund!

Lucky for these players, it wasn’t D battery and beer bottle night at Arrowhead Stadium.

 

This is terrible defense.

 

I don’t have a caption here. I just have faith in you all to produce something.

Bills 1-0 after spending no offseason time working on touchdown celebrations.

At least we know what video Fox News will be playing on loop when Wayne County deputies storm Jamie Collins’ home and shoot him up in his sleep.

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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2020 Quotables – Week 1 (Submissions) – September 15, 2020 […]

nomonkeyfun

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No flag pin on Jones’ lapel. He must hate ‘Murrica.

Game Time Decision

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Showing the odds of the NFL completing the season, as in 1 in 92154999418

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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More like Merkin Olsen, amirite?

Game Time Decision

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OBJ is triggered by this photo

/The net, not the kneeling

Last edited 5 days ago by Game Time Decision
Fronkenshteen

[Jerry JOnes gif]

”I eat lunch meat made of dead hookers.” //:0 //:0

WhyEaglesWhy

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“In retrospect, we should have anticipated that Free Folding Table Day meant that no one would actually make it inside for the game.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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It’s kind of heartbreaking to see that Andy Reid misses the Golden Corral buffet so much that he designed his own sneeze guard.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Grease drain is existing to remain

nomonkeyfun

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From Wikipedia, take it for what that is worth.

During the 2016 U.S. presidential campaign, he donated $100,000 to the Hillary Victory Fund. He subsequently donated $1 million to Donald Trump’s inaugural committee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shows fence.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s not campaign contribution after the election’s over! At point it’s just a bribe!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Quite a bit of money on a per attendee basis.

LemonJello

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“Does my helmet smell funny to you?”

LemonJello

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Jumbotron Operator: “Well, I may as well run this ‘Bills Win’ graphic, not sure how many more times it’ll get used.”

Game Time Decision

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Who ordered the burgers?
Any one?

Come on, guys I’m double parked.

-Guy with the X on the vest

Last edited 5 days ago by Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Allen missed the throw to 92 so badly, that he hit his own lineman.

LemonJello

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“The lighting in our new locker room is just as shitty as our new uniforms. Thanks, Stan!”

LemonJello

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Obligatory:

“THIS PACKERS DEFENSE, I CALL AN ALABAMA HIGH SCHOOL QB BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING COUSINS IN THE END ZONE WHILE NO ONE IS WATCHING”

LemonJello

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**thinking to self**Look what I own. Richardson doesn’t even have a team anymore. YEEEHAWWWW I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY!1!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did he dislocate his knuckles in a hooker pussy? (multiple times)

Unsurprised

Was my caption to that Detroit end zone fumble quotable worthy? I paraphrased it last night but I can’t remember exactly what it was. But there was also a second caption that was just “The Price Is Right loser horn plays” that seems apt for a couple of these.

Game Time Decision

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A Buffalo win and no snow in the staduim.

FAKE NEWS

Last edited 5 days ago by Game Time Decision
Downfield Matriculator

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Fancy New Stadium: $5 Billion Dollars
McVay’s Contract: $20 Million Dollars
Game Ball for Beating the Cowboys: $70 . . . C’mon, nothing is actually priceless when you have as much cheddar as Stan

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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If only the ref had a cat of his own, he’d have known that lowering the head and bumping someone gently is actually a friendly feline greeting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Prolly been okay if he rubbed his leg and showed him his butthole.

Unsurprised

I’m making this a caption regardless

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Carson Wentz is studying this gif furiously to internalize the idea of handing the ball to someone on his *own* team.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/?attachment_id=61375

When he sees someone on their knees in front of him, Ol’ Double J just can’t help but smile.

ArmedandHammered

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I think I have my new lottery numbers!

ArmedandHammered

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Now there are even truck ads in the game, “Dodge Ram”

ArmedandHammered

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He just wanted you to pet his head and let him know you cared!

Downfield Matriculator

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Lions and Zebras and Bears, Oh My!

/Collins may not be cowardly, but it appears he could use a brain

SonOfSpam

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Seek peak Zeke deke? Geek.

Downfield Matriculator

Ce’st Chic, Le Freak

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Well, they ARE open.”

SonOfSpam

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Jamie Collins is definitely qualified to manage Real Madrid.

Unsurprised

Bon anniversaire

SonOfSpam

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After dating Lindsey Vonn, JJ Watt is perfectly comfortable coming between black guys.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OH YEAH!

In the same night…..

Downfield Matriculator

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Anal Hillbillies#4: Now with more Cousins getting fucked in the end zone

ArmedandHammered

I was going to use, “Packed in the endzone, a Cousin’s nightmare”

Downfield Matriculator

That’s solid . . . so to speak

ArmedandHammered

I like your’s better.

Game Time Decision

Banjo’s play in the background

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Guess he doesn’t give great helmet

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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SKOLSHART!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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See, no one cares if the Bills play in Toronto or anywhere else

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Everywhere we go [Everywhere we go]
People want to know [People want to know]
Who we are [Who we are]
So we tell them [So we tell them]
WE ARE THE PIGFUCKERS, THE MIGHTY RAMS WHO DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MAKING MORE MONEY FOR BILLIONAIRES NO MATTER THE IMPACT ON PEOPLE AT AN INDIVIDUAL OR SOCIETAL LEVEL”

Last edited 5 days ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This fucker can’t even do the white power hand signal right

Downfield Matriculator

That’s no shocker (either)

Downfield Matriculator

Saves him money with the hourly rate hookers — but apparently only enough to hire Mike McCarthy